[scatterbrained04]

Lately I've been going through something unusual for me. Before when I've hit depressive episodes I've been low and stayed low for a long time, almost every day.

For the last month or so, I'm been bouncing from severe depression maybe half the week to mostly ok the other days of the week. It's strange. Maybe still mildly depressed those days. My energy level is also bouncing around.
I've also been dealing with a lot of anxiety, some restlessness, and irritability. My brain ocassionally will not shut up. Strangely my sleep has been mostly ok. I think I'm only sleeping about 1-2 less hours per night than I was. I've started rocking and physically shakey the last couple days. In rolled the SH urges and SUI ideation. Feeling so overwhelmed...

Any input would be appreciated. Not sure what's going on or what to do.

[Mountainbard]

Fortunately I don't get a lot of mixed episodes but from what you describe, and what I've heard people on here describe, it may well be that. Can you consult a t or pdoc about it?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It does sound possible. It's so hard to describe what mixed feels like and it feels different different times so it's not easy to just say "yep, that's how I feel". I would definitely get in touch with a pdoc though because if it is mixed it could get worse if it's not treated.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Have you had any recent med changes? It also sounds a bit like akathesia.

Yeah it could be mixed. But as beyondtherainbow said it might be akathisia if you've had any new meds added. Sorry you're feeling so bad.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Have you had any recent med changes? It also sounds a bit like akathesia.

No, I haven't had any new meds in well over 6 months...

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'd say that mixed is the bigger possibility then. Akathesia is usually soon after starting something. They both feel horrible. My pdoc told me once that severe mixed episodes are the worst things she sees people have to go through.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

And definitely call your pdoc as soon as you can (why do these things always start on weekends?). You don't want it to get worse.

[raspberrytorte]

I have to agree with rainbow... mixed episodes are just horrible!

I don't know if you're in one right now, but it sounds hard. Hugs.

Do you feel like you're being tortured mentally? If so, could be!

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I have to agree with rainbow... mixed episodes are just horrible!

I don't know if you're in one right now, but it sounds hard. Hugs.

Do you feel like you're being tortured mentally? If so, could be!

Mental torture...yes feels very much like that sometimes. I've had a mixed episode before. What makes things different this time is the bouncing around. I don't know if it's like Latuda is trying to work and is jerking me along or what!!?? I just know I'm tired of it. I've nearly broken up with my boyfriend like 6 times because of how low I've been, that I feel all I can possible do it hurt him. Which is torture in itself. It's almost to the point where I should just talk to him about these feelings. That way if I loose my mind again and try to leave, he'll know that I don't really want to? Bah idk I just want to be normal.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've found most people in my life appreciate knowing when I'm mixed so they know to ignore the wild changes from happy to tears to anger to happy to crying to etc. Not many people can tell from the outside if I don't tell them; they just assign it all to "manic" I think. (My family is not highly educated in bipolar and that's fine; living next door my mom is learning the meaning of mixed rapidly).

I hope that you get turned around soon. It's an awful way to feel.