[possiblybipolarteen]

tw: self-harm mention

I'm so sick of this and I can't take it anymore. I can't talk to my therapist about it because I'm not diagnosed yet, but I'm very sure that I'm bipolar type II like my father, and probably rapid-cycling. I've told her about the moods though, how one day I'll be depressed and unable to do anything, or a mixture of depressed and irrationally angry

Possible trigger:

(sometimes to the point of cutting),

and then the next day I'll be totally fine, ready to do things and feeling absolutely on top of the world! Sometimes it'll be a few days, the longest I've ever felt content was a week or so. I don't know where I'm at right now, a mix of angry and anxious, because I feel so keyed up and jittery and I feel like I need someone to listen, I need to get words out SOMEWHERE that isn't a private journal.

It's so frustrating. I'm scared to ask for validation because I'm eighteen and no one takes me seriously -- even though my symptoms worsening is exactly parallel to my dad's timeline, he started getting worse at my age too. I just don't know what to do. I've asked my therapist and she said I don't seem bipolar to her, despite what I've said. Sure we haven't known each other that long, so maybe that's it. I don't know! I don't know what I'm trying to say, I just want some validation. I just want someone to talk to. I'm so sick of this endless cycle of feeling like **** and then, when I am feeling good, thinking that I must have been faking everything and that it isn't a serious problem. It is. It's affecting my life, my relationships, my college experience and I need to stop downplaying that. I need to stop with the doubting and wondering if I'm just making it all up or if I'm looking too much into it, but I can't, I have no diagnosis and I'm not taking medication like everyone else, so how can I not doubt myself?

...Thank you if you read this, I guess. I'm not actually sure what I'm asking for help for. I just don't want this. And I'll probably just go back and delete this post when I'm feeling better and suddenly the world will be sunshine and rainbows...until it's the opposite again.

[cmorales]

Are you able to see a psychiatrist? I mean, a therapist is a great start, but for some - many - people, talking about stuff can only go so far. A psychiatrist can make a proper diagnosis and prescribe medications. (Then, I don't know where you live. I hear that in some states therapists can actually make an official diagnosis and prescribe meds too... I think.)

[jbuttz]

Try a psychologist. They can diagnose you but can't prescribe you medication. Your story sounds familiar with myself, trying to find answers but feel like I'm going nowhere.

[Blue_Bird]

Talk to a psychiatrist about BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. Much more common than Bipolar which is way over diagnosed, and the cutting thing is a red flag for it

[Nix]

I agree that medications can make a huge difference, if you're able to find someone to prescribe them to you. Welcome to Psych Central.

[possiblybipolarteen]

Originally Posted by cmorales

Are you able to see a psychiatrist? I mean, a therapist is a great start, but for some - many - people, talking about stuff can only go so far. A psychiatrist can make a proper diagnosis and prescribe medications. (Then, I don't know where you live. I hear that in some states therapists can actually make an official diagnosis and prescribe meds too... I think.)

I have seen a psychiatrist in the past -- guess I should've mentioned that -- but she didn't diagnosis me or anything. She said it sounded like I fit the criteria and just started suggesting medications. ...At least that's what I remember. I know if I had an official diagnosis, I would remember that. She told me to try some out and if I was bipolar, it would stabilize my moods. We ended up not going for it because a. my emetophobia was REALLY bad at the time, so I didn't want to risk side effects like nausea (I still don't, but getting to a point where I'd try the meds) and b. my dad was really adverse to it, since he doesn't trust psychiatrists and pharmaceuticals, despite being medicated himself.

I guess I could try visiting one again, but I'm afraid the same thing will happen. And I'm afraid to bring up the idea to my parents. I know they would be supportive, but as irrational it sounds, I'm just worried that if I keep bringing this up they'll get more annoyed and start liking me less. Hence why I try not to talk about it with, well, anyone. I love my friends and family, but somehow it always seems like they're patronizing me or mocking me even when they are being supportive. I'm sure that's just me projecting, but still.

TL;DR: I am ABLE to, I think, I just have to get the guts to ask my parents again. Or somehow see one secretly -- I'm eighteen, so I'm pretty sure I don't need parental consent.

[ToxicCupcake]

I've been going to an office where they have therapists and psychiatrists in the same location. That way, the therapist and the doctor can work closely together to ensure you are getting complete care with medications and therapy as well. It seems to be working out ok so far for me, and I've been going to this same psychiatrist for a year now. However, this was the 2nd place I went to, because I didn't feel like the first doctor really connected with what was going on......I think you need to try again-and don't let it bother you what your parents may think of you asking to see someone. You are brave for reaching out for help. I think it's great you are recognizing at your young age that you need to get help. Please try again, and keep us all posted. Don't give up!