[DesigningWoman]

I honestly don't know which forum this really belongs in. I just diagnosed bipolar 2 in December, so I thought here made as much sense as anywhere.

Background: for the last 17 years I have been on antidepressants and a variety of other psych meds for severe depression. Basically I spent the last 17 years in a fog. About 3 years ago, the hypomania began and it woke me up. Something akin to getting kicked in the behind... A lot. For the first time in probably 17 years I am properly medicated and feeling both stable and alert.

The problem is personal abuse issues that were suppressed for most of my life are bubbling up. It scares me. I have a great working relationship with my newish (since February therapist) and I do tell her the truth. But she can't be with me all the time. She is leaving on vacation in a couple weeks. She'll only be gone a week. It's good for me probably. I know she will say I can and need to handle things myself. She is big on me taking care of me and not being dependent. But I am terrified. I only out of inpatient hospital just over a month ago.

I feel like I can't control when these issues come up. I'm not raging at anyone now that I am properly medicate. But I am still testy and annoyed easily. I keep going with conversations that it would be best to drop that create tense situations. I am not currently in contact with the abusers. So my anger keeps leaking out onto innocent bystanders.

I want to be free of all this repressed emotion, but I am simultaneously terrified it will burst forth and devour me or that I will never be able to root it out. I don't like being angry. I loathe rage. I don't want to feel bad stuff.

I don't actually know what I specifically asking. Maybe not to be scared.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Does your therapist have someone else you can see if you need to while she is gone? When mine goes away there is another therapist (the same one) who knows what is going on with me so that if I need her I can go see her. Sometimes he says that I need to see her and sometimes it is just there if needed. I don't know how much it helps, honestly, but it does make me check in with someone and gives me an option if I need help. She always has some idea what is happening so that if he gets sick or something I have someone to help if i need it.

[BlueInanna]

Have you looked into tapping/eft therapy? I'm interested in for some PTSD issues I have. It seems like it really works. I did a free sample session with someone because I was curious. But I didn't really open up or divulge any information that would've been useful to help her help me. I don't easily trust therapists, or anyone. I am sorry if I am spacing off tangent. I'm so tired and spacey right now.