[BeyondtheRainbow]

It's going to be a new week and while I sincerely hope this is the week I go IP I have a lot of trouble thinking it will be at this point. I feel like I've gotten used to just feeling bad and waiting and that this is my life now. I know my pdoc is trying to help me and that I'll get help eventually this is now blown up so much in my mind. It was bad enough knowing I was going in and could experience any number of things I don't even remember. My pdoc said I can have any symptom the Seroquel has masked and since before Seroquel I was on various other meds to sedate me it's been 15 years since I wasn't sedated. And I don't really remember. I feel I Pandora's box is going to be opened at any moment.

I don't know now if I am more afraid of going in or not going in. I want to feel better and so I'll be glad to go for that reason but I am afraid of what is unknown. Which feels like pretty much everything right now.

[raspberrytorte]

Hugs. I feel so bad that you're suffering like this! Why is it taking so long for inpatient? If I was you I'd just want to get it over with.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I do! The short answer is a severe psychiatrist shortage in my state that I didn't even know was an issue until about 3 days ago. I've always traveled to see the same pdoc at a big hospital and the last time I had to try to find one was 13 years ago and she was at my counseling place and accepted me there. So I've literally never been through what all of you have. That's why I asked about it earlier this week.

The hospital has 5 units or so. The one I go to is mood disorders only. The dr who was in charge of it left for a job without govt. insurance and they apparently can't find anyone to replace him so the other 4 drs. are dividing the work of that unit among them and other drs., including mine, are picking up more hospital stuff as well. So first my dr. took a lot longer than planned to do anything. Then she sent my stuff to one doctor who didn't respond that I know of and then went out of town. She then sent it all to another one and he asked one question that sounded like he probably hadn't read anything. He's had my stuff 2 weeks now (o Tuesday). So I'm waiting for someone to have time to decide if they can help me on that unit or if I need to be on another unit in case I am too sick for mood disorders and who my dr will be. I have a feeling nobody really wants to take me on all that much because it is going to be more complicated and I will take up time during the days I'm sickest when I'll probably need meds to get me through the worst of it. But mostly it's just time; they don't have any.

I'm glad I understand all this; I don't feel so rejected now--it was hard to not take it personally after someone has all this information about me and then doesn't seem to want anything to do with me, but it's not that. I am really hoping the dr. is more caught up and has time to help me this week.

I just don't want to go in via ER because then my pdoc might not have a say in what is being done and I might waste more time on things that won't work or will cause problems. That seems pointless.

Right now I don't even have a follow-up with my pdoc scheduled. We forgot to schedule at my last visit and then I assumed I'd be in the hospital by the time my appointment should have been in January and now I have left a message saying I want an appt but having heard. Tuesday is my day to call and ask questions, again. They're going to all hate me but I can live with the anxiety only so many days at a time and I think keeping me up to date is only fair.

Rainbow, (((hugs))) hang in there. Someone from here is in IP and will be there for a bit. I call them and they are doing better since they went in. They are sedated on new meds and they are doing fine. Myself I am waiting for a new dr. to help me with meds. I hope this helps you knowing you are not alone nor do you have to go it alone. We are all here for you at PC Forum. tc

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks Omegaland. This is a weird situation. My AP is not working any longer and the only option I have left is clozaril. I can't go on clozaril until I'm off Seroquel because of a cardiac interaction. So I need to go in, be taken off Seroquel which is likely to make me pretty sick from my pdoc says, then when I'm off Seroquel at least enough then I can start the clozaril and begin titrating up on it. So pretty much I feel horrible now, will feel worse for part of my hospitalization and will leave the hospital still feeling pretty bad but with more hope for improvement than I've had in a long time. I've been in a constant severe episode alternating mixed and depression for about 13 months now. So I very much want to go. As long as I go where I'm used to being I'm very comfortable there. I know the staff and they know me. If I wind up elsewhere I'll still be fine and I have no idea how much I'll be able to participate in groups and things anyway.

I'm sorry you have to wait for a new dr. I'm realizing what a blessing it is that I have never had to do that and as long as I am willing to drive 2.5 hours and stay with the same hospital I probably never will just because it is big enough and prestigious enough that drs. do go there and stay there and that's not likely to change. When mine retires when she's about 80 she'll refer me to someone else and so on. This is a very fortunate thing. Except for the whole no dr at the hospital thing. That's not so fortunate and I'm sad because I really liked the doctor who left.

[wildflowerchild25]

I hope something happens for you soon. The fear of the unknown must be killing you. I would be so anxious. Thinking of you!

[jacky8807]

((((Rainbow))))




I'm stirring up a magic spell to get you relief soon