Vent session

Every psychiatrist(167) on my new insurance has a two-three month waiting period or isn't taking new patients. I'm on a list, but what happens if I get in and the guy is a monster and I have to start over!?! I know that's no way to think. I want to scream. My mood has been sinking, and I'm really struggling to even be mobile. My partner said he feels like we're drowning in the muck. I know I have things to be thankful for...
My health physically
Having a partner( even with the challenges that presents)
Having and making it to my job
My coping mechanisms

I just don't understand. This happened with my last insurance and I never found a doctor I trusted. I feel doomed and trapped and blah blah blah(sick of spinning, sick of hearing myself talk, sick of living in self doubt, shame, self pity)

That is terrible. I wonder what the ratio of Psychiatrists to those with a psychiatric condition is? Could we be a marginalized population? What would society determine our value to be? How many individuals with Diabetes run into the same situation?

I am empathetic to your situation and concerns and you are definitely not alone but there is a larger perspective.

There is a big shortage of psychiatrists and since most of those working are over 55 this is going to get worse. It depends on the state how bad it is but apparently it can be REALLY bad. My state not only lacks pdocs it lacks hospital beds for psych as well which makes it even worse because that means the pdocs that exist are handling even more difficult cases/situations than they would be if people could be admitted. Do a search for your state's name and psychiatrist shortage. I was pretty shocked.