Mood Instability

I have probably been bipolar many years but it is more difficult to function now.

Ever since my really manic high a couple of weeks ago that was followed by a dark mood I have not felt I have returned to what I thought was my baseline. But then perhaps my perceived baseline was too high and this is the reality. I have been feeling rather despondent since my discharge from the hospital this month and am having trouble pulling myself up by my boot straps. I don't know what I should do differently.

My mood has taken a deeper dive since returning home this evening and finding my Diphtheria kitten dead. But even before that I have been crying and semi-freaking out worrying that the CDC will take my horse away from me. I NEED that horse. The CDC spent four hours here recently asking many, many questions and culturing every living thing on my farm that could be captured. They said they may return to do more cultures on the house and barn and I am not certain what my rights are when it comes to the CDC. I kept them out of the house so far by telling them I have no electric in five rooms (true) but I guess my second worst fear is that they would condemn the house. My first worst fear is that they will take my horse away from me. I know I am behind on some immunizations but he is well fed and I believe content. If I lose this horse that would be more than I am capable of coping with.

The only good thing that has happened is I went to Health Plus a week ago when I was having to use Ventolin every half hour to breathe. So I got a shot of solu-medrol in the butt and a weeks worth of corticosteroids and I am actually able to sleep seven hours now that I can breathe. But the fatigue remains as does my dark mood.

So I guess my question for you is what can I do differently to get out of this funky mood?

A therapist recently told me that neither the high highs or low lows were "real". How do you determine what is reality and what is not?

Yup my T told me my extreme moods are not real. I couldnt understsand why anyone would rather fantasise depression, but it appears we are in full flight from a real feelings. All I can do is keep talking and talking and eventually I feel that balance, where I am neither obsessing or fearing, where I feel ok with doing nothing, if that makes sense.

Hi, I'm new here, but here are my two cents on the issue...

What I'm gonna say is controversial and some people might disagree with me, but I definitely think that high highs and low lows ARE real. Reality is only what we perceive, and if we're looking at the world through that lens at that time, that is what we're experiencing and thus that is what is real to *us*. I think a better way of putting it is this: extreme mania and extreme depression are not *rational*. Our perceptions are real, just not rational...if that makes any sense. Extremes in either directions make us have thoughts and feelings that are outside the scope of probability and reason, such as paranoia or grandiosity, etc.

How do I cope with a funky mood? One thing that I do is literally force myself to do all the things that I don't want to when I'm depressed. For example, if my friends want to go out and if I'm depressed, in the past I wouldn't have gone out with them. But now, to get myself out of a mood, I'd make myself go because I'd probably feel better if I did. I guess what I'm saying is that you have to act like you're not in that mood, because frequently our mood follows our actions. Depression and mania are vicious cycles -- we start feeling a certain way and then we start acting in ways that perpetuate the mood, turning it into an episode.

Not contraversial, right on the mark!!