[Lost in Chaos]

Hi everyone! I'm new to the forums, just signed up last night! I'm very excited to be a part of this community and I hope I can learn as well as give bak to the community A little about myself maybe? I was diagnosed Bipolar in the summer of last year. My mood is either depressed or very mixed all the time, no breaks between. I'm in a constant state of idk what lol (not funny but kinda is) if its OK I'd like to start with a question .

I woke up this morning in complete mental anguish. I opened my eyes and immediately couldn't think, anxiety through the roof, and insanely depressed. Instead of trying to cope, I sleep for a few more hours instead. Get up feeling OK a awhile later, thought maybe I could handle the day.

So I was given a ps4 at work a few days ago, take it home and it dosent work. It's not big deal, I already have one, but I wanted to trade it in for a few bucks and get a new game or something. GameStop says they can do it. I drive 30 min to the one by the local Walmart and go in..... It's packed... I mean packed. My mood all day has felt very unstable and the line was getting to me. Finally its my turn, the woman informed me it would do me no good to trade it in.... What? I got a little snappy with her but kept my cool for the most part. My girlfriend and I leave the store and as soon as I'm outside this feeling comes over me, I thought this thing is useless and before I know it, I'm smashing the PlayStation against the pavement right outside the door! My girlfriend runs off embarrassed and I just keep smashing and smashing untill there is nothing left. (Pretty tough console BTW) I snap out of it and look around and ppl everywhere are staring at me! I put the pieces in the trash and ran to the car as hard as I could to embarrassed to say anything.

So I guess my question is, have any of you just lost control like this? Is this Bipolar related or something different? I'm so confused.. Any input and I mean any would be insanely helpful. Thanks for reading everyone! Hope everyone is doing OK and I hope to hear from u!

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[Ocean Swimmer]

I smash things too. But not in a while.
It's like a temper tantrum.you need to be disciplined with yourself.

[Pastel Kitten]

First, welcome to the forums! I've certainly broken things before, or at least potentially damaged them. I once threw an xbox controller at my laptop when my desktop's motherboard stopped working one day. Then I started screaming and crying. I don't know if this is my BPD acting up or my bipolar but whatever the cause it's certainly not fun. I know what you mean by this sort of "feeling washing over" you, only to snap out of it and realize the consequences. It's such an intense adrenaline rush.

[Mrs. Mania]

I've definitely smashed stuff. The last time was years ago and it was super intense. Every plate in the cupboard! There was a huge pile of ruble under the counter that I slammed them on. I also smashed a computer, also very durable So I don't know if it's BiPolar which is my diagnosis, but I can relate!

[Victoria'smom]

I don't feel it has anything to do with BP unless you're in a mixed episode. The best solution for it is therapy. Therapy will teach you your warning signs before you loss control and how to use coping skills to bring yourself back before you lose control.

[Imah]

Welcome to psych central! I think you will like the freedom to be yourself here.

I agree with Miquel's Mom.

I will add - I think of bipolar as enhancing the existing personality. The diagnosis is not an excuse to act out. I am glad you were embarrassed, that feeling will drive you to want to control aggressive behavior. I think that is why we have some shaming emotions like embarrassment, and guilt. To help guide us to living a more balanced life.

I don't want to scare you, but having bp can be difficult on relationships because displaying our emotions is more common and can happen at inconvenient times. Sometimes people don't want to know what is going on, and bp forces honesty eventually. It doesn't like to be contained.

In my opinion (and I have a lot of them). lol

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Welcome! I, like the rest, don't know if it's BP related but I used to have a really bad temper when I was younger. I would smash stuff, throw stuff, etc. My husband would say that he could feel the anger wafting off of me. As I've been on meds the past 8 years, that really has gone away. I don't know if it's meds or just getting older. I would definitely see a therapist and work on some control of the emotions. I hope that helps some

[Lost in Chaos]

Thanks everyone for the replies!! I'm relieved that I'm not the only one that goes through this kinda thing. It's just scary because I felt like i couldn't control any of it once it was over tho, I was calm as a Hindu cow for some reason. My illness has put quite the strain on my relationship but I'm thankful to have a girlfriend who is very support and understanding. I've put her through alot. My therapist however tells me she's not a good fit for me

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[Row Jimmy]

But I've smashed a bunch of things including parts of my body and then immediately felt like an idiot afterward. That's pretty normal for BP. Being in a packed WalMart would normally triple my ire.

[Wanderlust90]

Yeh I didn't break anything but I did throw something across the room infront of my patients & swore loudly at a Dr. Similar to what you describe it was a building agitation/frustration/anxiety that set it off, I felt the wave of "I'm going to hurt you" come over me. Afterwards I cried & felt like a weirdo. I think it was anxiety in my case but I had just upped to 40mg fluoxetine & was later described as hypomanic by my therapist when I saw him a few days later.

I agree with Imah, I think it enhances existing personality but makes it very difficult to suppress. I know I have that angry, vengeful side to me & in an episode & under pressure it is expressed. Your certainly not the only one.

[Lost in Chaos]

I'm really glad it's not just me. I've been feeling like a weirdo lately so knowing it happens to others is refreshing. I also get the "im going to hurt you" feeling. When this happens I have to remove myself from the situation or things will get bad. It just bothers me that I have that much built up anger Why so angry?

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