[lost2bipolar]

I wanted to ask people with bipolar what you feel the role of your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, significant other is.

I guess it's different if the person you are with knows about the bipolar before they get into the relationship. So please reply as best as you can and include if they knew about the bipolar before.

Are we to treat this like any other relationship. A party of two equals? When there are signs of stress and episodes occurring, what is the other to do? Should we be the punching bags? Should we be the psychologist? Should we be fixer to problems? Should we try to talk normal to you when you're not acting normal? Should we just monitor from afar? Should we remove ourselves from your area?

My biggest issue with my gf was her ranting abusive things which at times would include her breaking things. I started by arguing back, which never went anywhere. Then it turned into just letting her rant. I wanted her to get help.

I suggested that she seek help. I offered to go with her to every appointment which she always insisted she go by herself. Should I have done it for her? Should I have made the appointment myself, put her in the car and just take her? Should I have forced myself into her care, even though she was resistant at first?

What does your significant other do?

[Imah]

I am answering in 2 ways. Sending you a private long letter from me - the one with MI. And below from my husband, are his witty gems of insight. He views life from a place of humor.

"How dull would life be if one of the people wasn't psycho? And It's better to be a surprise in the package it keeps things interesting. You need a crazy person to keep things sparked. It keeps things active."

[Victoria'smom]

My husband forced my to go under threat of divorce. He went to my dr. meeting and talked for me. Making sure I took my meds. I ended up with moodiest order NOS and EDNOS. The meds didn't help because I was dead inside but smiling on the out side feeling this is what normal feels like. He wants me dead on the inside. I was so thankful that the meds ran out.

I was out of treatment for three years. I only went back because I thought my husbands therapist was going to hospitalize me. I still have no clue whether she really was. He went to my pdoc appointments. Pdoc told him to stop doing his job and let him help me, he was an awesome Dr. Pdoc told him that his job was to love me unconditionally. T reiterated that in a much, much harsher. So no if she doesn't want you to go don't go. Forcing your self in would cause a lot of problems.

You are to both equal you have your own flaws too. You need to temporarily leave when she starts in on you. You should not take abuse. If I'm acting weird my husband treats me normal. however he'll call my name to read his lips because I'm to distracted otherwise. so be her lover not her dr.

[lost2bipolar]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My husband forced my to go under threat of divorce. He went to my dr. meeting and talked for me. Making sure I took my meds. I ended up with moodiest order NOS and EDNOS. The meds didn't help because I was dead inside but smiling on the out side feeling this is what normal feels like. He wants me dead on the inside. I was so thankful that the meds ran out.

I was out of treatment for three years. I only went back because I thought my husbands therapist was going to hospitalize me. I still have no clue whether she really was. He went to my pdoc appointments. Pdoc told him to stop doing his job and let him help me, he was an awesome Dr. Pdoc told him that his job was to love me unconditionally. T reiterated that in a much, much harsher. So no if she doesn't want you to go don't go. Forcing your self in would cause a lot of problems.

You are to both equal you have your own flaws too. You need to temporarily leave when she starts in on you. You should not take abuse. If I'm acting weird my husband treats me normal. however he'll call my name to read his lips because I'm to distracted otherwise. so be her lover not her dr.

would you mind if I PM you?

[LacunaCoiler]

Just like Miguel'smom, My gf made me go by threat of breaking up. I reluctantly went and it took me a few years before I started even considering becoming complaint with my doctor's requests. To answer you question, I think it depends on the person. Some people like a little more support and interaction from a spouse and some don't. I personally prefer my gf to go with me to my appointments because it gives the doctor good insight from a 3rd party. When I get really bad and start to skip my meds my gf will step in and distribute my meds for me while watching me take them.

Personally, I think it us to your gf on how you should treat her. If she doesn't want you to be in on her doctor's appointments then there is really nothing you can do about it. She's the one that has to decide what level of help she will accept from you. I know from personal experience that when forced to do anything by the gf I push back and am not complaint because I'm resentful.

[B2008]

We have 4 children I had two from prior. Only recently diagnosed but had mental issues for most of life which I was very honest with husband within hours of our friendship going from friends to something more. He needed to know what he was getting into. Because of the children I try hard to keep my harsher moods out of the home. When they come on I take a walk or go into my room. Of course they last longer than I can disappear so my husband does take over and basically does the things I cannot. That includes the shopping, appointments, cooking, etc. in our personal life when we stumble we are both there for each other. He helps to keep me self aware and I allow him to remind me and tell me when I need to calm down or take a moment. He knows the things I say I don't always mean and doesn't retaliate. He's very patient. We have been married for 8 years and if not for the bipolar things would be rainbows and butterfly's. How boring would that be? I think the key for us is I'm very flighty, high strung, but determined to hold down our family and keep getting well. He is calm, patient, and also determined to hold down our family. If not for my husband and children I would have never got help and I would not continue taking these darn meds.

I would hope your girlfriend would want to seek help if not for herself then for the one/ones she loves. It's very possible you might have to make those first steps for her. I took my husband with me to my first appointment. To make sure I would go and to help me talk to doc. I hope you find some peace. Talk to her tell her how you feel. Try to be patient and don't feed into her misdirected moods. Hope you find a solution.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[Trippin2.0]

Well my bf always knew I was crazy, I never could hide that from him, and that was maybe 10 years before we started dating.


He finally hauled my butt to a pdoc (read strongly suggested for the sake of my daughter) when I became unhinged and voices were screaming obscenities at me a few months into our relationship.


The dx was no surprise to him, just a confirmation.


His role in our relationship?


He's a bf, a best friend a lover, a confidant, a cheerleader, same like any other partner.


He's not my therapist, or my pdoc, that's just looking for trouble.


The only thing that's different in our relationship, compared to a neurotypical couple, is that in the latter relationship, the partner points out that you have a bad cough that needs attention, whereas my bf will point out if I am heading downhill and this causes me to increase my self-care or discuss something with my T.

Also topics of conversation differ wildly as the things that come out of my mouth are way more entertaining than a non psycho gf.


I try my best to keep the heavier things related to my BP out of my relationship, but there are definitely things I share with him when it's pertinent, and when he's curious about my experiences. The light hearted things (like not sleeping for days and doing washing at 3am) is fun to share though...


He is adamant life is way more interesting loving a crazy lady, and I'm not about to challenge that theory.


Our partners should certainly NEVER be our punching bags.

You wont accept it from someone who doesn't have a mental illness, so you shouldn't be accepting it from someone who does have one. Or two.


My BPD has actually wreaked more havoc in my relationship than my BP, so there's a safe word he says or texts when I'm teetering on the edge of rationality or he senses an explosion coming. He's calm character is very good at diffusing my emotional explosions.


This is when I put myself into MH timeout until I can play nice with others.


So yeah, there's just a different flavour to our relationship, its spicier I guess. But he's certainly not a punching bag, caregiver or a therapist.

[Victoria'smom]

Originally Posted by lost2bipolar

would you mind if I PM you?

yes you can.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

I'm worried about you lost2bipolar. I know you are looking for answers as to what you could have done differently to help your GF that killed herself. Have you sought counseling yourself? You are going to drive yourself mad with this. I think it's time for you to take care of yourself with a good therapist. Hugs

[cmc3663]

My husband helps me take my meds, on a daily basis and in the long run when I don't think I need them any more because I'm "better." He has helped me set up appointments with my therapist and other doctors. On the day to day though he doesn't really do much as far as helping me with BP. I try to take care of t myself, but if I'm having an off day I let him know and he helps around the house and with the kids more.

[lost2bipolar]

Originally Posted by Hashi/bipolar mom

I'm worried about you lost2bipolar. I know you are looking for answers as to what you could have done differently to help your GF that killed herself. Have you sought counseling yourself? You are going to drive yourself mad with this. I think it's time for you to take care of yourself with a good therapist. Hugs

I am going to counseling. I actually discuss what I'm doing here on the boards with her, and she said it's fine. Basically she says that I'm doing a psychological autopsy. She also says it's normal trying to figure things out.

I appreciate your concern, but since she passed without being diagnosed, I want to put the pieces together. So far, I have put a lot together. Stuff I wouldn't do while she was around because it would be intrusive. I am seeing what I can do to keep her memory alive, and before I do that, I need to get an honest picture of what she was going through.

[~Christina]

Yes .. what Trippin said...

[Trippin2.0]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that you know none of it was ever your fault.

It wasn't your fault.
I am single, but I would want my BF to just be my BF.