[DesigningWoman]

Despite being bipolar, I am very, very shy. I had a fun circle of friends for awhile last year, but for a bunch of reasons everyone went their own way. So my social circle keeps shrinking and shrinking. I can be awkward, emotionally reactive, and prone to flight (as in fight or flight). I hate meeting new people and have a ton of issues making friends.
But I have been really unhappy with almost no one to do anything with and am really lonely. I was so lonely I started crying at my desk at work today.
So I decided I have to do something. There is a game store in my town where you can go and play tabletop games for free. I really want to go tonight. I am terrified though. What if I say something off and everyone thinks I am strange? If I feel I have messed up, I won't go back.
I have wanted to go for months but I keep losing my nerve.
Any thoughts?
Support?

Are you my secret twin?

No, seriously... I'm just like you. I'm very shy (introverted). I don't have a lot of friends and my social circle continues to shrink.

I think it's great that you are going to play tabletop games. You'll probably meet a lot of really cool new people. I wouldn't worry about people thinking you're strange. If you worry too much, then you will come off strange. It'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, relax and enjoy yourself. Surprise yourself.

I think you should just do it. You've been debating this for months, which tells me that you really want to go.

Worst case, you totally embarrass yourself, leave, and you never have to see those people ever again. Best case, you make a bunch of amazing new friends who will help you feel less lonely. I personally think the pros out weigh the cons.

[TishaBuv]

Go. You'll never know until you try.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I'm the same way. I have kids, but if I didn't, I swear I wouldn't know any other adults where I live except for my husband. I don't naturally converse with people, and I always feel socially awkward.

That said, the older I get the more I realize that if someone thinks I'm weird, they'll either be on board or we won't really interact much. The people I am close to are good with the ways I'm weird (& I'm good with the ways they're weird). It takes me a long time to get close to someone, and I am only close with a couple of people outside of my husband and some family members.

If you are really interested in this, give it a try. Chances are most of the other people there will also be there because they enjoy the games. Even though it can be scary, being honest with people about why you're there can also help pave the way both for conversation and for continuing friendships. You can always start a conversation by asking someone how they found the place, how often they come, whether they enjoy it, and what other kinds of things they enjoy. Most people will talk once they get started on the topics they know best (like, for example, themselves!). That also opens the door for you to say it's your first time there, that you've been looking around town for places to meet some new people, that it looked like it would be a fun place and you're wondering if they know any other places where fun people get together to do things.

It helps me when I'm going into new social situations, particularly if I don't know anyone there, to have a few questions in my pocket that I could ask anyone and that they would be able to easily answer. That way I feel like if conversation is stagnating a little bit, I have something to fall back on. Then I feel less vulnerable and less out of control.

Good luck!

[Ocean Swimmer]

I've avoided things that could be good for me too.

But lower your expectations and go for it!!

[TryingToMoveForward]

OMG. I am JUST like you have been wanting to hang out at the local game/comic book shop myself. But I chicken out every time.

My advice, despite it being difficult for me to follow through with, is to do it. Don't worry about what people think. Most gamers tend to be socially awkward themselves (I should know, I've been friends with gamers my whole life and was a member of the gaming club in college). We're generally social misfits with low social skills. I'm still a gamer by the way, I can say this. I think you would probably fit in just fine, and that they might be just as shy of you.

I'm really thinking, if I ever have time, of going in and just asking questions or if I can watch. Strike up conversations based on someone's interests is usually a good way to break the ice and get to know them.

[gina_re]

I'd be scared too, but you never know until you try. Good luck!

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by DesigningWoman

Despite being bipolar, I am very, very shy. I had a fun circle of friends for awhile last year, but for a bunch of reasons everyone went their own way. So my social circle keeps shrinking and shrinking. I can be awkward, emotionally reactive, and prone to flight (as in fight or flight). I hate meeting new people and have a ton of issues making friends.
But I have been really unhappy with almost no one to do anything with and am really lonely. I was so lonely I started crying at my desk at work today.
So I decided I have to do something. There is a game store in my town where you can go and play tabletop games for free. I really want to go tonight. I am terrified though. What if I say something off and everyone thinks I am strange? If I feel I have messed up, I won't go back.
I have wanted to go for months but I keep losing my nerve.
Any thoughts?
Support?

I think you should go! What do you have to lose? If something happens, you never have to see those people again. However, you may be surprised. Fear is our worst enemy. Don't let it control you. I know, easier said than done. I hope you go and if you do, give us an update!

[DesigningWoman]

Update:

I went!
I am really proud of myself.
I sat in my car in front of the store for twenty minutes to try to stop being scared and start moving. Finally, I was like "get out of the car." So I got out. Seriously it was like this for the first 30 minutes. Me telling myself "Smile at the store owner." "Open mouth and speak."
Anyway, it was absolutely perfect timing. They are starting a new RPG group that will meet every Wednesday night. To start it is me and three other people. Two of them are also absolute beginners at RPG too. This is awesome because I get really intimidated trying to learn something when everyone around me is already skilled.
So now I have a standing Wednesday game with three other people to get to know.
Still a little terrified, but a lot proud.

Right on! So happy you finally went!

I need to expand my social life too. Where I go for therapy they have an art group. I should start going....

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Originally Posted by DesigningWoman

Update:

I went!
I am really proud of myself.
I sat in my car in front of the store for twenty minutes to try to stop being scared and start moving. Finally, I was like "get out of the car." So I got out. Seriously it was like this for the first 30 minutes. Me telling myself "Smile at the store owner." "Open mouth and speak."
Anyway, it was absolutely perfect timing. They are starting a new RPG group that will meet every Wednesday night. To start it is me and three other people. Two of them are also absolute beginners at RPG too. This is awesome because I get really intimidated trying to learn something when everyone around me is already skilled.
So now I have a standing Wednesday game with three other people to get to know.
Still a little terrified, but a lot proud.

Wow...that took a LOT of guts! I'm so happy that it worked out for you! Hope next week is awesome!