[Wanderlust90]

I've been trying to identify a pattern in my mood cycling.

So I've discovered there's sort of a baseline, background mood that seems to last years. Like I have my day to day ups & downs but always seem to return to this baseline state in the end, this is probably just the normal waxing & waning of life, I don't know. But I distinctly remember being motivated, sharp, having a strong sense of identity, growing self confidence & happiness for mostly all of my adolescence/young adulthood from 15-20. They were the golden years. Everything just seemed to fall in place for me. I did really well in school, started working, started Uni, had an bubbling social life. I drank a lot, partied a lot, took risks, got constant warnings of impending crisis from friends & teachers but my parents weren't concerned because I continued to achieve. I started using drugs & felt like I had discovered a whole new world I needed to explore. I miss it greatly. I had the obvious ups & downs during these times but never bad enough lows to seek help.

From about 20 onwards the day to day lows or agitated highs stared to become a problem. From 23 onwards after I stopped using all stimulants this baseline mood has been decidedly down or agitated, I'm now almost 26.

Superimposed onto these baseline moods is day to day mood instability. I'll be up for a few days then down for longer. Bad enough that the lows still illicit suicidal thoughts but are shorter lived than an actual major depressive episode.

Sound like anyone else or am I just over complicating things?

[violetgreen]

Well I can make myself dizzy trying to extract a pattern or narrative from my life. When I'm confused, my analysis is messed up and I feel even worse. So why not play around with the interpretation, so you can feel clear-minded, self-confident, etc.

So, I woke up feeling pissed, irritated, *****y. I did something yesterday that I should have known better, because something stupid always follows! Long story, but now I have to reframe stupid-thing to stop an old pattern of self-recrimination/pissed/irritated/*****y/anxious/depressed.

Time to feed my cockatiels and press restart. I hope you get your stuff sorted.

[Wanderlust90]

I have a tendency to overanalyse everything so that's probably more of the problem. The negative thoughts can sometimes result in a negative mood so I will take your advice & try to just accept it as what it is. Thanks for the reply, wishing u the best.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hormones effect my mood.

So does my acceptance of bad stuff or if I struggle with memories I can not flush.