[1278]

Hey everyone, so I spoke to my dad about quitting uni and of course he was not impressed. Now I'm severely depressed and thinking about just ending my life. I was just in IP in Jan so my medical aid might not cover the visit. I don't know if I will get a chance to see my pdoc, she's always fully booked and I think she's tired of seeing me to be honest. I'm also very skeptical since I can't take any antidepressants as I rapidly cycle and she wanted to change my meds which I am not keen on doing so. I rely so much on my parents and their approval means the world to me. I can't drive because of anxiety so my dad takes me to all of my appointments and I live with my parents since I'm still a student. they are controlling my life and emotions and I feel that there is no way out for me.

[Icare dixit]

There is a way out of this (without foolish stuff like giving in to suicidal thoughts; I don't to trivialise them, but they come and go even if they block your view of better days). There always is, even if it means (by doctor's orders!) to sedate yourself so as to not harm yourself in any way and to start thinking more clearly again.

Approval of parents or non-dismissal of BP problems (at uni, in life) is a big influence in BP (I think often one of the biggest factors in pathogenesis; the coming to life of the disorder).

From experience, I'd suggest you both on healthier and open communication with your parents (maybe especially your father: men can be very dismissive of emotional problems) but also take more distance from them. You might think they wouldn't approve, but in the end they want to raise you as a strong, independent individual, I am sure. If that were not the case it is unhealthy and you should certainly find more distance from them.

I really hope you will be feeling better soon. Leave university aside for a bit. I am sure you can pick up where you left off later (or maybe you decide to find a different path in life). Universities tend to outlive us, so there is no rush.



As for going inpatient, think of what they can offer you what you can't have at home now or soon (including meds, of course). If the answer is much, go inpatient.

Try to sleep if you feel you completely lose control.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Also when you do get your Pdoc appt, see if your father can sit in the appointment.
If you have a guidance councilor at school, maybe the same technique.

[1278]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Also when you do get your Pdoc appt, see if your father can sit in the appointment.
If you have a guidance councilor at school, maybe the same technique.

My pdoc and psychologist have spoken to him several times but he is so old school he just won't listen, I guess at I some point I have to accept the fact that he will never fully understand or accept my illness.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by 1278

My pdoc and psychologist have spoken to him several times but he is so old school he just won't listen, I guess at I some point I have to accept the fact that he will never fully understand or accept my illness.

Keep trying!

That he even speaks with your psychiatrist is (I think) promising.

Than again, clinicians have a tendency to make it sound worse than it is, saying it a very severe illness, a manageable but not curable disease and all those things that are meant to help in acceptance, but in enough cases works counterproductive.

I have accepted me being quite severely influenced by it in all aspects of life. I don't argue with clinicians if they start off like this or compare it to diabetes, but I very much believe that in the long run it will not help anyone. Many such stories are not just thought up to improve acceptance, but also to sell drugs.