[1278]

So my dad has always suffered with his health, he has had IBS and slipped disc since his late 20's which had progressed to pinched nerve and sciatica later in his 40's. Now his kidneys have started to fail at 58. I feel partially responsible because in the last 2 years my illness has aged him 10 years. I rely on him to take me to all my appointments since I can't drive due to anxiety but I also blame him since he has isolated us from our extended family so we cannot rely on anyone. My cousin mentioned in passing how my dad's health has deteriorated and it is stressing me out and I think its causing me rapidly cycle. He has 3 more years until retirement but I'm scared I'm getting worse and worse instead of progressing which is stressing him out even more. What do I do? I can't force myself to get better.

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself; for example staying on meds, keeling appointments, sleep hygiene et cetera. If he sees you making an effort it will surely take a load off his shoulders.

[barbella]

I am sorry you are both dealing with so much. Do you have a therapist to speak with? If you do, would it be possible for your father to attend an appointment with you so you could speak with him about your concerns? It sounds like you care a lot about your father and want the best for him too. It's not your fault that you are ill and it's not your fault that your father has decided to isolate from the extended family (his choice).

[violetgreen]

Families are so complicated! It sounds like you and your dad are going above and beyond to care for each other. That is really special. It may feel like you have aged your dad 10 years, but I think that's magical thinking. Both of you have illnesses, and you are coping as best you can. Can you reach out to others for help?

[1278]

Originally Posted by barbella

I am sorry you are both dealing with so much. Do you have a therapist to speak with? If you do, would it be possible for your father to attend an appointment with you so you could speak with him about your concerns? It sounds like you care a lot about your father and want the best for him too. It's not your fault that you are ill and it's not your fault that your father has decided to isolate from the extended family (his choice).

Thank you, I do have a therapist and you are right, we should talk about this issue instead of just ignoring it.

[1278]

Originally Posted by violetgreen

Families are so complicated! It sounds like you and your dad are going above and beyond to care for each other. That is really special. It may feel like you have aged your dad 10 years, but I think that's magical thinking. Both of you have illnesses, and you are coping as best you can. Can you reach out to others for help?

It is a bit hard as my dad is skeptical to tell anyone that I am bipolar, but I understand his concern because in my country there is a huge stigma surrounding mental illness.

[B2008]

Do you have children? I have four and I know for certain till the day I die no matter how many years it may take off my life I will care for them to to the best of my ability. Don't feel guilty for what your father offers. Do the best you can. Your dads health can also be a very good reason for you to continue trying. Example, on my bad days my kids and hubby keep me going. I'm with jupiter3 put forth that effort and the rest will come. One good day at a time that's all we can do.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!