Monday: exhausted.
Tuesday's plan: force myself to get up, maybe even out, despite being on the edge and random crying.
Tuesday's reality: Overload overwhelm. Tipped over edge. Shut down. A lot of... Thoughts. But total inertia.

I really thought it was getting better. Cognitive issues too. I don't know.
Today, forced myself to get up again. Actually showered and got dressed. Did dishes. Woot.

[hopeless2015]

Just trying to stay focused today and get some work done, struggling...

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currently driving myself mad.

so i've been listening to this greek singer's cd on loop for the past... maybe 3 or 4 days?

i'm now totally sick of it, but can't find the motivation to turn it off and put something else on. (it's totally weird!)

still, it's starting to get catchy for all the wrong reasons... i want it to stop!. (but keep going!), but to stop!. i'm actually not sure..

still not started a new book yet (i'm still reading that book by jessie burton, why can't i just be more focused!)

no sleep the whole week

ate well though (well being from my perspective, not what's suggested)

[hahayeahtotallylol]

i am on the cusp. of so many things..

it's spring. my mood is rising, but fluctuating and slightly volatile. not sure where it's headed.

i am going through a big personal change, and also have a court date coming up which could effect my personal change.

i am trying to stop some things, trying to start other things, but all i really want to do is feel alive. i am bored out of my mind.

[hopeless2015]

Feeling a little anxious...sigh

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[Keegan2015]

Finished up a pretty draining week at work. Planning to move into my new place next weekend has got me kind of stressed out.

People at work keep telling me I look tired and/or distraught but I don't know why. I guess it's because I've been having a lot of trouble staying asleep / going to bed late for the past couple of days, but I don't really feel manic or hypomanic and I'm not particularly depressed so.... ???

Also my parents said that I seem agitated and "weird" this evening before we went out for dinner. Idk, maybe I should put all this down in my journal just to help me keep track of my moods.

Luckily I also got a couple of nice compliments from some coworkers about the good work I've been doing. I even think a promotion may be on the horizon within the next couple of months.

Day went ok. Night not so much. Having tactile hallucinations (bugs, my usual). Can't sleep. TG they don't happen often because I hate them SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Ack!
Hopefully more meds will knock me out...

[hopeless2015]

Quite day today got groceries and now relaxing on the couch. I should clean but ehh

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[hopeless2015]

What a rainy blah day. I'm going g to try and get a couple things done around the house

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[Imah]

I handled a situation that is really annoying me in a polite manner.

[Imah]

Well, I blew that. Man honesty feels good.

[smallwonderer]

Didn't like my first CBT appt yesterday, and trying to figure out if I'm being childish or reasonable about why I didn't like it. Guess I'll figure that out next week.

[hopeless2015]

Slow to get moving today but I'm up and at it not necessarily happy about it but it really is for the best

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I have an appointment with the neurologist coming up to get to the bottom of my episodes of syncope that I've had with the most recent being while I was in the hospital. This also led me to looking at the patient portal for my hospital where I learned that my psychosis has been added to my chart. Overall though a pretty good Monday, work was easy. Hope you all had a good day as well.

[tbird20tv]

Frustrated because I want to go back to school and have very little support. I had more support when I was un medicated. Anxious - a lot of stress at work. Lonely.

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[Standup2me]

I am drifting. I am sort of at ends with myself, looking for change, yet somewhat afraid to find it.

[hopeless2015]

Sigh that's all today

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[hopeless2015]

Faking my way through this day, whatever it takes

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[Standup2me]

Spent the entire day in a SOX reporting requirements training session.
What a snore-fest

"Snore-fest" Lol! (Looked up SOX -- sounds like it would definitely be qualifiying material! I didn't even make it through the description. )

Got my haircut today! SO overdue. I go to a school place (not only budget-friendly --$5-- but it's nice to be able to help them build self-confidence in their skills). There's high turnover (what with graduating and all), so a new person. A bit of language barrier, but that works well for not being good at small talk.

It was good too because the day started with heading for an appt. on 3 hours of sleep, grumpy and too much walking only to find they'd "left a message" about rescheduling, though there was nothing on my phone. Then got rescheduled for a further away location. Woohoo.

Napped all afternoon (very rarely do, but so tired). Got a call. No work tomorrow. Again. Been having some fun watching dvds from the library at night though. Good distraction from reality.

Doing alright.

[x_BabyG_x]

I'm in the third week of feeling bad now, and after yesterday's turn for the worse, I woke up today feeling.. Okay-ish.

Not good. But maybe good enough to want to get out of the house and shower. I just know at any point the bad energy will return. Like I'm balancing on a tightrope and if any sort of breeze comes along i will uncontrollably topple over.

I had to write this down and set it in stone somehow, just to confirm that I have a chance of having an okay day.

[Takeshi]

Got my haircut today! SO overdue. I go to a school place (not only budget-friendly --$5-- but it's nice to be able to help them build self-confidence in their skills). There's high turnover (what with graduating and all), so a new person. A bit of language barrier, but that works well for not being good at small talk.

I think that's great, I could never do that, new people can't touch my hair or any of my body parts even for a good cause. I remember long time ago, I was sporting a long hair, it was more than a shoulder length and a young dude was so insisting on using me as a practice and with my poor English, I told him to F* off, and he didn't listen! I don't even have a good hair or a head shape, he just wanted to chop off my hair. When I go to my place, a barber, a men's exclusive secret place, I just ask the guy to cut the side of my hair, I'm still growing it.

I went to have my hair done about 2 weeks ago, I talked too much too loud. And it was a weekend so, when I got in, the place wasn't busy and when I was leaving, people were waiting and I was still talking like that was never gonna end. It wasn't that bad but I just felt a bit ashamed of my behaviors, it wasn't the first time I noticed my voice was louder than it should've been, I hope the place is still good. It took me a while to search that place, and they usually take turns, meaning I'm not supposed to ask for a particular stylist there, it's a wallet friendly place so,,,casual apologies might be necessary next time I go there.

@Standup2me

I don't know what's going on with your life but am glad seeing you around again. You been away or have I?

About the getting ole me back again. That can never happen. I just think that it's still good to know what I know now than what I knew back then...

[Standup2me]

Hi Takeshi. I've been away for a few weeks, having a big struggle with life. I am doing so much better now. It feels good to back here, where I feel at home, and safe.

[hopeless2015]

I feel like me for the first time in I don't know how long, it feels really good and I hope it lasts for more than a couple days. Could it be that the upped dose of meds is finally kicking in.

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[fishin fool]

The pdoc increased one of my meds and I feel pretty awful right now.
I hope I get used to it soon.