[Ocean Swimmer]

I was born in Florida, but when she got a divorce she dropped me off at my Grandparents.
Later she had two kids with my alcoholic Step Dad and wanted me to come live with them to care for the children. They were both in diapers.
She went back to work. 2nd shift. So I had to care for the children, feed them before their dad came home. Put them to bed. Get dinner ready for him and clean up. He went to night school.
I hated him and never saw my mom. Couldn't have friends over cuz I had the kids.
Miserable life.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

While I didn't have a childhood like that, I honestly don't remember any kind of emotional connection with my mom as a kid. The things I do remember are her frustration at getting me to get up & her raking through my knotted hair in the mornings before school; yelling at me and my brothers when we fought; and her pure exhaustion all the time - anytime she sat down for a minute on the couch, she would go straight to sleep. By 7:30/8 at night, she was done for and hit the sack. I was a night owl, so we never really lined up in terms of when we were alert. The only other memories I really have of her are all tied up in her pushing me to perform in some way or other, so much that I learned to just do it on my own because that was the expectation. As an adult, I have no idea what to do with myself - I have no passions or interests that are my own, I believe because I spent my whole life trying to succeed at things that she and my dad wanted me to do.

So while I didn't have the struggles you clearly did, and I didn't feel 'used' by my mom at the time, I never felt emotionally connected to her, either. It's a little better now, living so far from her, but I still realize that our bond is there mostly when she's lonely - I feel like I'm an emotional convenience to her.

[violetgreen]

Yup. And she still is. She is a transactional mother for me. She cleaned house, cooked, sewed our clothes, curled our hair, but I only have one memory of her touching me voluntarily, when she stroked my hair briefly with my head on her lap on a car trip. For years I wondered why my greeting kiss ended up on her ear, finally she said how she hates kisses! She was different for her 2 youngest kids, my brother and sister, so she improved as a mother over time and is a really good grandmother. She falls short as my mother though. I don't expect her to change. I'm a very different mother to my daughters, thank goodness!

[wiretwister]

we had no physical contact in my entire family ... unless you count fairly regular whippings ... and being told all the time your never good enough ... other than that it was outstanding .... as soon as I could I moved 4 hours away ...

[Keegan2015]

I have a pretty complicated relationship with my mom (who is currently sitting on the couch across from me which makes typing this pretty weird hahaha). She is a great parent in that she taught me to read proficiently at a very early age, never was late picking me up from school, never drank heavily around me, etc.

But I was a really troubled youngster (I had ADHD and intermittent explosive disorder, constantly got in trouble at school) and I think this put a huge strain on our relationship and put her through a lot of stress and frustration.

She has a lot of trouble relating to me and we rarely have "actual" conversations about needs, wants, life goals, advice etc. and all of that sort of stuff.

We get along much better now -- it used to be that we couldn't be in the same room without completely going ballistic on each other. Was / is she emotionally distant? Yeah absolutely, but that's part of the dynamic that we share.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

My mom passed when I was 9 but my dad is cold as ice. Him and my mom got divorced right before she died and if it was his turn to take care of me he'd never pick me up or he'd leave me in the car to wait while he was showing a house to sell or in the bar drinking. He's all words and no action. I actually prefer it now cuz I gave up a long time ago. And he thinks depression is just pure laziness. Hah!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My mom was not really a mother -- she was just a maid. She kept the house nice and three squares a day but she could have worn a nametag and uniform. She was a functional alcoholic as well.

[Ocean Swimmer]

My mom was a functional alcoholic too.
When I was real little I never saw her. I don't even think she lived at my grandparents.
Whenever I could even though I was 10-12 yrs old, I'd board a bus and go live with my favorite aunt.
One disappointing thing,Aunt promised to keep me in fashionable clothes and mom promised to pay for University.
Neither kept their promises.
So I had to work nights to put myself thru school. It took 7 years but I was lucky. I had grants. Scholarship. And I paid as I went.

I feel bad for the people who borrowed to go to school and are saddled with huge debt.

[LacunaCoiler]

My mom was cruel with her words and was never there. Growing up everyone thought my dad was a single father because she was never in the picture. He was the one that picked us up from school, went to parent teacher nights, all of our extra curricular activities. He did everything while my mom did nothing with us. She was either going to school, sitting on the couch watching TV, or doing her own thing. I never got a kind word from the woman, every time she talked to me it was negative and/or out of anger. Now that we're both older she wants to build a relationship but now I'm used to not having her in my life, she's just a body really, and it really annoys me that she's like this. I never got any physical affection and now she wants hugs, kisses, holding hands. It's rather disturbing and uncomfortable because I'm not used to physical contact, let alone physical affection.

[Ocean Swimmer]

My mom lives in another state so good.
The bad news is she's had Parkinson's Disease. For 26 years.
She said once that now we have to be nice to her cause she's sick.
I'm lucky for now that my icky step dad can take care of her. She's in her late 70's.

[Icare dixit]

Emotionally distant?
If only (at least a whole lot more).

Doesn't help her emotions tend(ed) to come out very, very wrong. But I can at least relate.

[avlady]

i've read all of your posts. it makes me see myself in all ways. my mother is a great mom, but we did have problems as i was growing up. i'm 55 now and we get along great. she is 78 yrs old like my dad and i fear losing her. i talk every day on the phone to her too. she had 11 children and i don't know how she did it as i always tell her as i only have 1 son.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Wow. My stepdad is the youngest of nine. I thought that was incredible.

But 11. Wow. I'm the oldest. The only child of my father who had been married and divorced 8 times.

I am also the first grandchild. I got attention from my 2 Aunts. But not my mom. Who to this day says she hates kids. And she's glad she has no natural grandchildren.