[DelusionsDaily]

Meds! I'm done poisoning my body for a few months of relief only to be "sick" again. Yes, I'm depressed but even if NP gets the meds right it'll only last a few months. Why the f bother? Miserable is miserable. Off meds atleast I'm not poisoning my body. Bad enough what we eat is often mildly poisoned...why add to it? I mean really...

[venusss]

So what coping strategies do you have to body surf the highs and lows?

[DelusionsDaily]

I went through DBT I'd make a concerted effort to use those to get through the rough patches.

[Melmo]

I feel like this half the time too. Sometimes I convince myself that I NEED meds to function and be happy and then I'm convinced I can use alternative methods to control my moods and feel strongly that meds are harmful.

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[DelusionsDaily]

I'm just so over medication being a necessity. I'll modify to a much healthier better feeling diet, exercise, use DBT, and go to support groups. I'm not poisoning myself for minimal results...that's absolutely ludicrous to me. Eating is necessary...pills not so much.

[pirilin]

I know for a fact the meds are poison. Sometimes I want to stop 'em too.
Buy I wasn't a choir boy before. I want to think they help.
I'm lucky I didn't ended up in jail.... or worse. Thanks to the meds? maybe.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I get where you're coming from. I take risperdal PRN and it has tons of effects on the body of your prolactin levels get to high. Like, milk coming from your breast?! Yikes! But I've gotten tests done and I'm fine. I haven't had my uhh time of the month in over a year. Me and one of my docs believe it's from the psych meds! Just be very careful if you're quitting cold turkey. You may end up feeling ten times worst then you do now! Maybe a taper would be best? But I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Just be careful! Good luck and I hope you're feeling better.

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[DelusionsDaily]

Well, I'm not gonna do it cold turkey. I'm gonna schedule an NP appointment and talk to her. Do some research on places to go either IP or partial and do it right. I'm gonna do this right but quickly. Think it over a bit more then take necessary steps.

Some people can manage themselves fine without meds. I'm sure there are BP people out there who haven't even been diagnosed, but they live full, productive lives.

I started experiencing depression when I was 11-12 years old, but I didn't take any medication until I was 24, which was after I finished grad school.

I'll be honest, though: I did struggle for many years and earned poor grades. Life was rough and I caused all sorts of trouble for myself and other people... but I still pulled through and I have a nice full-time job... and I got all that without taking any meds. So it's definitely possible to succeed without meds! (Not saying I recommend going without meds. Just saying it's possible to do well without 'em.)

I now take meds because, well, I've never tried them before. I figure I'll give them an honest chance before I say no to them. I'm only 24, so I figure I'll try them when I'm young. At least you've had the experience of trying them before, so you kinda know what you want already.

[DelusionsDaily]

Been on them consistently a little over 6 years...haven't found more than 6-9 months of reasonable stability most of the time less than that. It just doesnt work for me anymore. I think I've been more than patient.

I know you are frustrated right now, but you are also not at all stable right now which is probably the worst time to try to go off meds. Why not wait for a period of better stability (it will come as you know even though it is hard to see right now) and then work toward reducing meds at that point?

[DelusionsDaily]

Considering doing by myself because I dont think IP is gonna work if I don't know a doctor at a hospital real well. So I will probably start tonight by myself.

[violetgreen]

The meds I'm on now are helping, that's after disappointing results for 10 years or so. But, making changes in my life to remove chaos and too much stress is just as helpful. You're the best judge how your meds are working for you. It's a lot of trial and error.

[DelusionsDaily]

Got a plan to go off by myself sloooooowwwwlllyyy. And I can modify(only to be slower) as needed. Now, I gotta talk to NP as the plan starts today. With no modifications, it well be almost 5 month before I'm not taking anything. Probably longer before it is completely out of my system.

ETA: trying to be reasonable but still do it by myself.

You need to touch base with both your therapist and your pdoc before you do anything. You've been very unstable lately. Not a good time to do this.

[DelusionsDaily]

T knows not totally for it but understands, NP will know soon.

Not totally? How honest are you being with them and with yourself about your stability right now?

[DelusionsDaily]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

You need to touch base with both your therapist and your pdoc before you do anything. You've been very unstable lately. Not a good time to do this.

Somewhat depressed yes thats FAR from VERY unstable! The meds arent helping so I am taking matters in to my own hands. I will tell NP but it's not going to change my plan.

Really? This was what you wrote two days ago:

"To figure out how to tell T and NP how much my mental health is dwindling. I'm extremely irritable, beyond tired, thoughts are racing like mad, severely depressed, and just all around miserable. I've become obsessed with death...suicide comes and goes. I've started becoming paranoid ranging from mild to severe. I do a lot of journaling that's how I see the paranoia. At night I can't get rid of the feeling that bugs are crawling through my skin...I don't notice it so much during the day.
I think the trust factor is being interfered with by the paranoia. I'm struggling. I've gotta do it tomorrow with T. I'm gonna do it if I have to write it out and give it to her. Ya think writing it and giving it to her is a good option?"

[DelusionsDaily]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Not totally? How honest are you being with them and with yourself about your stability right now?

Ok, this is uncalled for T knows. Does she like it...NO but she understands. Can she change it...NO. At least I'm doing it much slower than originally planned. I'll tell NP when and if it comes up.

[DelusionsDaily]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Really? This was what you wrote two days ago:

"To figure out how to tell T and NP how much my mental health is dwindling. I'm extremely irritable, beyond tired, thoughts are racing like mad, severely depressed, and just all around miserable. I've become obsessed with death...suicide comes and goes. I've started becoming paranoid ranging from mild to severe. I do a lot of journaling that's how I see the paranoia. At night I can't get rid of the feeling that bugs are crawling through my skin...I don't notice it so much during the day.
I think the trust factor is being interfered with by the paranoia. I'm struggling. I've gotta do it tomorrow with T. I'm gonna do it if I have to write it out and give it to her. Ya think writing it and giving it to her is a good option?"

Things have gotten a bit better with recent dose increase but doesnt change my mind about going off because med help is so temporary.

[DelusionsDaily]

Therapist knows everything and while she has her reservations...she gets it.

Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily

Things have gotten a bit better with recent dose increase but doesnt change my mind about going off because med help is so temporary.

In two days? You know better. Give this some time. Get to a better place, certainly a better place than at this moment, so that you will have the mental strength to handle the kind of coping you will have to be able to do healthily without meds. You aren't thinking this through. You think you are, but you are making a rather rash decision at a very bad time. If the meds are just starting to help this episode, it makes no rational sense to pull that rug out from under yourself at this moment.

[DelusionsDaily]

Two days try almost a week. I believe it was last wednesday/thursday. It was a dose increase and yes it is helping a bit. The med dose was a week ago so yes in two days from the post things could change!

[DelusionsDaily]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

In two days? You know better. Give this some time. Get to a better place, certainly a better place than at this moment, so that you will have the mental strength to handle the kind of coping you will have to be able to do healthily without meds. You aren't thinking this through. You think you are, but you are making a rather rash decision at a very bad time. If the meds are just starting to help this episode, it makes no rational sense to pull that rug out from under yourself at this moment.

Pure opinion. Actually it's been thought about for quite a bit. T and I talked about it thoroughly yesterday. It was the ENTIRE session actually. Don't tell me what how what I'm doing is rash...i dont spill everything here especially this because of the typical mentality of going off meds and therefore until my decision was made I didn't say anything. Support me or not it's going down!