[Wanderlust90]

The combination of chronic boredom & anxiety is a torturous one. I'm driven to find some kind of pleasure but can't find any satisfaction. Nothing seems interesting, I'm driven mad by the incessant racing thoughts, all negative in nature, I become desperate to find reprieve. I need an outlet. Need to enjoy something again, feel excitement. & anxiety stands in the way. The more desperate I become to quell the growing sense of agitation the more impulsive I become. Now the distraction MUST be self destructive. But the agoraphobic kind of anxiety keeps me in my comfort zone, I'm too uncomfortable to leave the house, I just pace, shake my leg, bite my nails, unable to relax. Now I want to skull a bottle of vodka & go running screaming down the street just so someone will notice, will realise that I'm burning inside. Alas I continue to sit alone in my house, paralysed by anxiety but desperate to escape, smoking to try to fall to sleep.

Ive gone round & round in my head for 2 years now trying to figure out a way to help myself.

[Ocean Swimmer]

I think this is Black Mania what you're suffering.

I've had it really bad too. It's soothing if you can find one thing to do that doesn't make you mad or emotional. Like read. It's safe. You can do it in your bed. It will distract your mind if you can focus.
Or write. Do a short story or tell about your own life if you want.

I'm suffering now too. But no real anxiety. Low motivation. Want to stay in. Isolating.