[Hashi/bipolar mom]

So, since I've been on the Gabapentin for the last month, my depression has lessened. However, it's done zero for my anxiety and OCD. Now, I've noticed that I can get angry so easily! I've been losing my cool over everything! I can't have that. I feel like I've checked off so many meds and I'm running out of options! I'm scared and ANGRY! LOL

[hopeless2015]

HUGS

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[BeyondtheRainbow]

You aren't running out of meds. I know it feels like it but there are so many meds and combinations.....it took me 14 years from bipolar diagnosis to exhaust all options and in my case I knocked out a bunch of typical APs because of a reaction to other APs.

I used to take comfort in the fact that there were more options even when it felt like there was nothing and honestly partly to warn me that the time would come and partly to get me used to the idea I'd need something as drastic as clozaril my pdoc brought it up from time to time for 9 years as well as the possibility that I would exhaust all options and have some time medication wouldn't help a lot. And those things happened. and I'm on clozaril and if it doesn't work I don't know what happens. ECT I think, done knowing there is a lower chance of it helping.

But really, it takes a long time to exhaust all meds, especially if your pdoc is willing to be creative.

I totally understand how you feel, just tryig to offer comfort that I might now have seen as such a few years ago.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Ask your Pdoc about the GABA dose. Maybe a lower dose will calm you and still help with the depression.

[raspberrytorte]

I'm sorry it's not working out for your anxiety. It's not doing much for mine anymore either. Also, this is nice at least, I'm off of seroquel now mostly (I'm still taking 25mg, but will probably stop it tonight) and I've slowly been losing weight, so I guess seroquel was the real culprit all along!

I understand your frustration. I feel like nothing is helping my anxiety. It's been so bad since going down on seroquel I feel like puking most of the time and my pdoc acted like the only thing that will help me is a different mood stabilizer and going off of lamictal freaks me out, so I don't feel she'll do anything else to help me because she's so mad I won't do what she wants (she's downright pissed! Jeez. I wouldn't go back if I wasn't stuck with her).

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

You aren't running out of meds. I know it feels like it but there are so many meds and combinations.....it took me 14 years from bipolar diagnosis to exhaust all options and in my case I knocked out a bunch of typical APs because of a reaction to other APs.

I used to take comfort in the fact that there were more options even when it felt like there was nothing and honestly partly to warn me that the time would come and partly to get me used to the idea I'd need something as drastic as clozaril my pdoc brought it up from time to time for 9 years as well as the possibility that I would exhaust all options and have some time medication wouldn't help a lot. And those things happened. and I'm on clozaril and if it doesn't work I don't know what happens. ECT I think, done knowing there is a lower chance of it helping.

But really, it takes a long time to exhaust all meds, especially if your pdoc is willing to be creative.

I totally understand how you feel, just tryig to offer comfort that I might now have seen as such a few years ago.

Why I'm scared is that I have terrible atypical reactions or I end up allergic! Plus, I'm already severely overweight and I just can't afford to put on any more weight and it looks like my remaining options can definitely cause major weight gain. I'm really trying to stay positive but it's getting hard. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Speaking of Clozaril, how is it going? Have you noticed a positive difference?

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm sorry it's not working out for your anxiety. It's not doing much for mine anymore either. Also, this is nice at least, I'm off of seroquel now mostly (I'm still taking 25mg, but will probably stop it tonight) and I've slowly been losing weight, so I guess seroquel was the real culprit all along!

I understand your frustration. I feel like nothing is helping my anxiety. It's been so bad since going down on seroquel I feel like puking most of the time and my pdoc acted like the only thing that will help me is a different mood stabilizer and going off of lamictal freaks me out, so I don't feel she'll do anything else to help me because she's so mad I won't do what she wants (she's downright pissed! Jeez. I wouldn't go back if I wasn't stuck with her).

I can't believe that your pdoc is mad! How does that help anything???? I can't imagine going off my Lamictal either! It's been my one steady med for 8 years even before being dx'd BP. It's almost like my security blanket. Congrats on getting off Seroquel! I've heard it's brutal on weight! It seems like the only thing that helps it is an AD but I can't have those anymore.

[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by Hashi/bipolar mom

I can't believe that your pdoc is mad! How does that help anything???? I can't imagine going off my Lamictal either! It's been my one steady med for 8 years even before being dx'd BP. It's almost like my security blanket. Congrats on getting off Seroquel! I've heard it's brutal on weight! It seems like the only thing that helps it is an AD but I can't have those anymore.

Lamictal is like my security blanket too! I've been on it for five years now. And before my pregnancy when I had to go off it I'd been on it for four years I think? I have such bad side effects to pretty much everything. It's the only med I've been able to tolerate well. I'm scared I'd go off it and end up on a mood stabilizer roller coaster because I'd have bad side effects from everything else! I know she thinks it's not working anymore, but I think it's working as a pretty good antidepressant overall. I haven't had a severe depression in three years.

I have to somehow get a new pdoc. I don't know if I'll be able to go back after my last appointment.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I had every weird reaction in the book so I understand.Eventually I reached a point where weight gain had to just be accepted, although I think I'm starting metformin soon. But it took many years to get to the point that it was clozari or nothing and that would be true for you too. And the good news is that there are more drugs available than there were for me.

One you might want to ask about is loxapine. It's really old but is weight neutral and it worked well for me until causing a bad side effect (which I'm extremely susceptible to so unlikely to happen for you).

Thanks for asking about the clozaril. I'm better although I think I'm going to need to add some more. My mood is much better but I still have motivational issues and perhaps some depression lingering. But I'm still making slow steps and my therapist is pleased; he says my voice is finally emotive after months of not being. I caught some horrible throat infection from my germy nieces so that's not helping my motivation right now but it will pass.

I promise, something will help you. For me it was an MAOI and the the right dose of Seroquel (which wasn't a problem with weight until I was over 800 mg) and then I had some bad times then some ok times and then the last year has been terrible but it took a long time to reach any response. And hopefully my clozaril response lasts enough to be a response.

Hang in there.

Originally Posted by Hashi/bipolar mom

Why I'm scared is that I have terrible atypical reactions or I end up allergic! Plus, I'm already severely overweight and I just can't afford to put on any more weight and it looks like my remaining options can definitely cause major weight gain. I'm really trying to stay positive but it's getting hard. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Speaking of Clozaril, how is it going? Have you noticed a positive difference?