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Old Mar 11, 2016, 09:08 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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I am making a new start with my new T , I need to change many things in my life … many have already occurred , many need to …
I have abused others trust through my pm's … it appears I know longer “get it” … I seem to be out of step with others … I seem to not understand what others are expressing … I really wish it was my bp but I fear it is my facalities going to pot … meds can help bp symptoms but dying grey matter is a whole different kettle of fish …
anyway I just want to apologize to anyone I have offened in the past , and I will try my best to do better in the future … but I feel I should no longer converse with anyone thru pm … I have also withdrawn my friendships … please do not be offended I just need to withdraw somewhat to get a better grip on myself … I do not have any issues with anyone ,anywhere , I just need to reevaluate how I am treating others … and I no longer feel I should do that privately … so my pm is turned off and will stay off until I am well enough to no longer hurt others … it seems I am always saying I am sorry over and over here … not really sure what is going on with me … please be patient … all I have ever wanted to do is be helpful …

this will be a weekend all alone … not really sure how that is going to go in my frame of mind … but soon-kyu has got me thru it before and I just hope there is some magic left there … I just want a dream like she sings about in her song below ...

Tigger ...
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Last edited by wiretwister; Mar 11, 2016 at 09:35 PM.
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  #2  
Old Mar 11, 2016, 09:32 PM
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Keegan2015 Keegan2015 is offline
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Best of wishes to you and I hope you will find the right meds and the right T to help you get back on the up and up. Don't worry about blocking PMs and taking some "radio silence" time to focus on yourself and your healing process.
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  #3  
Old Mar 11, 2016, 09:34 PM
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Just know you are not alone. Sending positive vibes and hugs your way
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  #4  
Old Mar 11, 2016, 09:56 PM
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  #5  
Old Mar 11, 2016, 10:04 PM
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Sending positive vibes to you. (Sent)
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #6  
Old Mar 11, 2016, 10:42 PM
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ComfortablyNumb5 ComfortablyNumb5 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wiretwister View Post
I am making a new start with my new T , I need to change many things in my life … many have already occurred , many need to …
I have abused others trust through my pm's … it appears I know longer “get it” … I seem to be out of step with others … I seem to not understand what others are expressing … I really wish it was my bp but I fear it is my facalities going to pot … meds can help bp symptoms but dying grey matter is a whole different kettle of fish …
anyway I just want to apologize to anyone I have offened in the past , and I will try my best to do better in the future … but I feel I should no longer converse with anyone thru pm … I have also withdrawn my friendships … please do not be offended I just need to withdraw somewhat to get a better grip on myself … I do not have any issues with anyone ,anywhere , I just need to reevaluate how I am treating others … and I no longer feel I should do that privately … so my pm is turned off and will stay off until I am well enough to no longer hurt others … it seems I am always saying I am sorry over and over here … not really sure what is going on with me … please be patient … all I have ever wanted to do is be helpful …

this will be a weekend all alone … not really sure how that is going to go in my frame of mind … but soon-kyu has got me thru it before and I just hope there is some magic left there … I just want a dream like she sings about in her song below ...

Tigger ...

((Hugs)) I still consider you my friend. Promise me that when you are ready, that you'll shoot a PM my way. You're a great member here and we all love you!

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  #7  
Old Mar 11, 2016, 11:08 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Just keep taking it one step at a time and keep talking to your therapist. It can get better and you've taken a lot of positive steps lately it appears.
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  #8  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 03:05 AM
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(Fuzzybear ... .. )
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  #9  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 03:22 AM
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( Gina re ... ...for you ..)
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  #10  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 03:35 AM
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(Ripose .. one of my oldest and best friends .... I pray you find your (soon-kyu) and fill your with hope ... I love you old friend ..
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  #11  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 03:48 AM
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(Jacky8807 ... what can I say .. .. I would share a cup of coffee with you anytime ...
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  #12  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 04:09 AM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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4:00 am ... Soon-kyu . save me ... please !
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  #13  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 04:17 AM
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if a window is shattered can it ever be repaired , it must be replaced with something new , but if the frame it rests upon is not straight and true it will shatter again ... and again ...
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  #14  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 05:21 AM
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I may have reached that point where reality shatters those long held beliefs , those thoughts of being ok , of being strong enough , smart enough , tough enough ... time for a new reality ... of accepting , of being led , of surrendering control ... knowing you no longer know best , or even right and reality from wrong and fanstasy ... the willing surrendering of my will ... I do not know where this path will lead but I am now on it ... I only hope the way is well marked and thorn free , for I fear it is not ... to trust another with your soul ... to give up you ... to lose what you are .. have been .. and will become ... can someone who see's you as a folder on shelf , or a 3 month appointment date really know your destiny ... we shall see ... I have not done so good a job on my own .. can it really be any worst ... we shall see ... can they save me ... we shall see ... bye old Tigger ... hello ***** cat ... have given up material things .. locked them away .. forever gone .. part of my idenity died with that ... when I lock away my will . padlock my soul ... will it die too .... ?
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  #15  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 07:41 AM
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  #16  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 02:20 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up manic high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a sleepless night
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue souls try
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really don't come true
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the darkness is far behind me
Where trouble melts like lamictal drops
High above the ip ward
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow manic's fly
And the dream that you dare to,
Oh why, oh why can't I?

And I think to myself
What a wonderful world it's not
Who wants to go over the rainbow anyway ...
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  #17  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 02:50 PM
BastetsMuse BastetsMuse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wiretwister View Post
I am making a new start with my new T , I need to change many things in my life … many have already occurred , many need to …
I have abused others trust through my pm's … it appears I know longer “get it” … I seem to be out of step with others … I seem to not understand what others are expressing … I really wish it was my bp but I fear it is my facalities going to pot … meds can help bp symptoms but dying grey matter is a whole different kettle of fish ….
Tigger, being out of step with the whole world -- or thinking that they are out of step with you -- is part of bipolar disorder. It might also mean you don't have the right meds yet, and that you need to keep working with your doctor to get them. It took years for me to be able to get a great med combination.
  #18  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 06:05 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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Originally Posted by BastetsMuse View Post
Tigger, being out of step with the whole world -- or thinking that they are out of step with you -- is part of bipolar disorder. It might also mean you don't have the right meds yet, and that you need to keep working with your doctor to get them. It took years for me to be able to get a great med combination.
it's not so much the whole world but here ... my real world friends may look at me funny but they try, to understand and forgive me if I say or do something outlandish ... here I repeatly keep getting my head ripped off , you would think people that have issues themself would be more compassionate and some are ... but there are some really mean people here ... maybe I bring it on myself ... but I am touched ... and almost never get cut any slack ... do some think so little of me that they believe I would try to hurt someone on purpose ... if you know me at all you know that's not true .... sorry but the emotion just flows out ... I thought we were here to help each other ,,, however badly I do it that is all I have ever wanted to do ...
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  #19  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 06:20 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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sorry for the last post but I am hurting really bad ... and I no longer have pm to reach out with ...
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  #20  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 06:23 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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I cried all last night till soon-kyu allowed me to sleep , tonight seems to be starting the same ....
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  #21  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 06:45 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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Originally Posted by BastetsMuse View Post
It took years for me to be able to get a great med combination.
mine are working too good ... I am that weird place where all I want to do is cry ... but those damn pills won't even let me think of how to make it stop ... I am not down just so full of tears I feel like I will burst ...
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  #22  
Old Mar 12, 2016, 07:10 PM
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wiretwister wiretwister is offline
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soon-kyu , because I have dreams ........ I deserve dreams ...... I want a dream .....
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  #23  
Old Mar 13, 2016, 01:11 AM
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  #24  
Old Mar 13, 2016, 10:45 AM
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Imah Imah is offline
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Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.
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Thanks for this!
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  #25  
Old Mar 13, 2016, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imah View Post
Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.
Ty ... so very kind ...
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