I have bad social anxiety and I want to overcome it, so my goal right now is to make new friends and be more social. I've already started meeting lots of people at my gym, and I guess it's going well.

One of my old friends texted me today and wanted to hang out. (We haven't texted in months, and she randomly texted me today.) We're really good friends and have been for a while.

The funny thing is, I want friends and want to be more social, but I just don't want to hang out. (I know, it's paradoxical.) Maybe I'm just introverted? No idea.

I'm not depressed right now (at least I don't think?). I'm pretty happy and motivated. It just feels like it's an effort to hang out with people -- like it's a real effort to maintain a friendship -- and I'm just super lazy!

So, I guess I want more friendships, but I don't want to put the effort in. How can I motivate myself?

[lilypup]

I don't know what to tell you. In my experience, friendships take a LOT of effort. I have to do about 2/3rds of the calling and setting things up.
On the other hand, I see what you mean about not feeling like going. I am bad at cancelling things and I hate doing it. But sometimes it is just to hard.
Maybe take it slow....try to pick just a couple of people and do several things with them. Then add people in as you feel you can.

Originally Posted by lilypup

I don't know what to tell you. In my experience, friendships take a LOT of effort. I have to do about 2/3rds of the calling and setting things up.
On the other hand, I see what you mean about not feeling like going. I am bad at cancelling things and I hate doing it. But sometimes it is just to hard.
Maybe take it slow....try to pick just a couple of people and do several things with them. Then add people in as you feel you can.

Thanks

I guess I'm really content with being by myself -- like I've become complacent with my overall social situation.

I just get nervous when it comes to setting things up. I fear getting rejected.

[lilypup]

My rule of thumb is: I ask three times. If someone doesn't respond or want to do something I leave them alone. Some of my best friends turned me down initially because they were really too busy or didn't feel well or whatever. So be sure to give people a chance. If they tell you no, it doesn't mean they are rejecting you.
And start small, like a cup of coffee.

[gina_re]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. We all have our struggles to overcome. Some are easier than others, but it's possible to overcome them if you put in the effort.
I think it's wonderful that you're meeting people at the gym, so that is a great start! As far as hanging out with your friend, I have been there. What if you do something on your terms, meaning do something you would want to do possible on your own, but include her in the picture...? I wish I had better advice, but you are smart and will figure it out.
I don't have any awesome advice, but I do understand the struggle. I wish you the best and good luck!

[Icare dixit]

It's always quality over quantity (I'd say), but there must be people that are interesting enough to talk to, surely. Just focus on a few?

And just start small talk or maybe very interesting conversations (had one yesterday) with total strangers. You may even join a conversation between strangers (if they talk loudly/publicly enough). Just to make it easier so hanging out with (new) friends will be more effortless.

But if you really don't enjoy it, maybe don't, for now. The best friends you meet accidentally anyway, in my experience. Not by trying too hard.

[pirilin]

I find hanging out kind of difficult without drinking. But hey, it's just me.
Even my neighboor tries to get me in trouble. He brews a mean expresso with Sambuca.