Sometimes I feel like my moods are a "placebo effect". (Maybe "placebo" isn't the right word, but I think you'll understand what I mean when you read my post.)

Does anyone else feel this way?

For example, my pdoc said I became manic on Lexapro. Did I really become manic, or did I think I was manic because I was told it could make me manic?

Sometimes I think I get hit with a hard depression. Am I actually depressed, or do I think I'm depressed and therefore subconsciously act depressed even though I'm not?

Other times I get dysphoric mania. Is it really dysphoric mania, or am I subconsciously making myself angry because I think I'm dysphoric?

I guess it's hard for me to cope with the diagnosis sometimes. I often go back and forth.

[gina_re]

I think I get what you're saying. It's like when you get out of a depression and you're really happy and you have to think, is this (hypo)mania happy or regular happy?

[zijax]

Yeah, relate. Acceptance of this illness is difficult and I've questioned it many times. One thing that has helped me is seeing my illness manifest itself in others. I have a good friend who's bipolar. I get where she is. This board is also very helpful, I can see my patterns in other people.

[hopeless2015]

It's been a year since I was DX and I still question everything, im stable right now and I'm even questioning that I think it's a fear that it won't last. One day at a time is all I can so right now and I'm sticking to that

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[pirilin]

Hi BB,

I'm fairly new to this terminology and worries. I would google, but I'm lazy.
My shrink doesn't give a rat'sass if I'm manic, hypo or depressed.
If I'm hypo, I called normal. If I'm manic, I call it hyper. Both normal for me.
All the times I've been depressed, I self medicated, because I was feeling "weak". Never new what depression was.
Once I got into a true, real, dark depression, my wife sent me to the shrink.
I'm boming out of a true one right now, with God's help.

And what's my point after all this rambling. Simple.
Knowledge is power. It could help or hurt. Depends on you.
Overanalyzing is always bad. .02.

[Espurr1989]

All the time. It's why I refuse to go get a med change just because 'I don't feel good'. I'm reserving that for something major, like I haven't slept in two days even though I took my pills or I'm throwing up multiple times per week. I have a bipolar friend who changes all the time and I wonder how much is due to not having stability on pills and how much is what the side effects are supposed to be. Aside from how much is the bipolar.

[RomanJames2014]

I firmly believe that we can think ourselves into mania or depression. It's like starting the ignition on a car. Turn the key and see what brain chemicals come through.

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[wiretwister]

I wonder about all of it "except" the depression .... that is hellisly real ...

[smallwonderer]

Originally Posted by zijax

Yeah, relate. Acceptance of this illness is difficult and I've questioned it many times. One thing that has helped me is seeing my illness manifest itself in others. I have a good friend who's bipolar. I get where she is. This board is also very helpful, I can see my patterns in other people.

This... Agreed about the board. I don't have any close bipolar friends (that I know of). It's also helped me to see how much choice there is in staying healthy.

I also take now that any strong conviction I'm not bipolar or wasn't really depressed is an early sign of hypomania for me. But there's a fine line between that and just wistfully remembering the days when it was just being different and not a diagnosis. I'm not past that one yet.