[lotus027]

Does anyone else ever feel like they are more authentic, when they are considered at their most "ill."

[gayleggg]

Yes, I feel most authentic when I'm manic, which doesn't happen anymore with the help of meds.

[Wander]

I never thought about it but now I do think life feels more raw, more real when I am unwell. So much of my youth was spent very unwell and undiagnosed so it does feel like the real me. Still, I prefer being stable now, when I am lucky enough to experience it.

[jacky8807]

Yes when I'm hypo not full blown.....I feel like my true highest potential self

[pirilin]

^^^ What Jacky said.

[RomanJames2014]

I feel more authentic when I am either depressed or manic. When I'm in between or on my meds I don't feel like "my self". Ironically when I'm in therapy or I get out of therapy I feel the least myself as well.

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[Icare dixit]

I feel most like myself when stable, but I don't always like it.

I would not be manic if it weren't for others, highly dependent on others, except the particulars of delusions, but they are also mistakes in reasoning that most make.

Every manic person becomes pretty much the same mutatis mutandis: it depends on the situation/environment, not so much the person.

That we feel free is just because we (make ourselves and) become blind (for nuances/particulars).

[manicdiamond]

I'm not sure what is my authentic self anymore but I know I don't feel like it right now. :/

[gina_re]

I feel like my baseline self is mild to moderate depression. It's how I've felt since adolescence. But I've had the taste of stability, and I want it back. I worked hard to get there and have benefitted so much. I want it back. I don't care about the drugs, I have a lot to lose if I'm unwell too long.

[eclogite]

Yes. Maybe it's just me wanting to be dramatic with the highs and the lows. It's not that I feel flat from medication or anything when I'm stable, I just feel more real when I'm way up or way down.

[lotus027]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

Yes when I'm hypo not full blown.....I feel like my true highest potential self

When I posted that, I was at the tail end of what I guess was a hypomanic episode. I have a really hard time telling the difference between full blown mania, hypomania, and mixed episodes. They don't always seems so clear cut, and sometimes it seems like I can go from one to the other. It was four days of little sleeping and intense "revelation" so I think it was hypomania, because the full blown manic episodes that I can remember ended in pretty serious consequences (being hospitalized, losing a job.. that type of thing).

Anyway, I'm taking all of my meds faithfully and I don't want to end up out of control again. I just feel like a lot of the "crazy" thoughts I have when I'm manic are legitimate. Just because most people would roll their eyes at my ideas, doesn't mean they don't have merit. Right?

[otherg]

I feel authentic in either state--it's my focus that is altered.

[Wanderlust90]

I don't know if what I experience is actually hypomania, (I mean when it comes to positive elevation in mood as opposed to dysphoric hypomania) or actually just me in a state free of depression & anxiety, my "stable" self. It is when I feel the most authentically me, the confidence to be proud of myself, quirks included, all the bad is put back in perspective with the good & it all makes sense again. The world is just something to be explored & I feel capable of dealing with the roadblocks I know will be in my way.

I always think my hypomanic ideas & revelations have merit, it's like something someone comes up with under the influence of substances, it's often kind of philosophical but also not logical, not a conclusion you would come to if sober but no less insightful.

Not authentic, no. But it has aspects I really like. It has aspects I detest. It's all part of me though. I just need to learn to rein things in.

Now that I've experienced a long period of stability, I realize I am finally now my authentic self in a way I never experienced before. Depression or hypomania really isn't me at all. It was a very painful, unmotivated, fatigued, unconfident, hopeless imposter; or it was an anxious, irritable, oddly driven, even psychotic imposter (hypomania and mania were never positive feelings for me -- always dysphoric). Stable -- I am truly confident, content, happy, healthily motivated, comfortably social, positive me. I MUCH prefer stable me; so glad to have finally met her.