[lunaticfringe]

Hi everyone. I hope you all are getting by and doing as well as possible.

I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone can relate, PC is great for that.

I'm not doing well recently. I came off my meds a while ago and am now completely med free. I did this cold turkey completely against my PN's advice. The truth is I didn't trust her or my therapist, and I don't trust my primary care doctor either. I'm sick of people trying to feed me pills essentially. The medicine didn't help me. It numbed me and made me feel like **** about myself. I gave it a good shot too, I took them for about a year. I haven't been suicidal or anything but I'm having a hard time eating and I've lost a lot of weight. Like I'm scared to get on the scale. I need to go to the doctor for nausea medicine but I honestly might skip my appointment cause I don't trust those people either.

The reason I freaked out and decided I had had enough was because I got nailed with two new diagnoses with no explanation whatsoever - schizoaffective and OCD. The only reason I found out was because I requested my info from the agency and saw it listed there. I am completely disillusioned with the psychiatry industry and western medicine in general.

Now the nausea and weight loss is my main concern. Has anyone else experienced this when coming off meds? I feel like that **** ****ed me up permanently. I don't know though. It seems like any time I've been off of my meds I literally just waste away, going from curvy to malnourished looking.

I just feel that....If I DO in fact have schizoaffective disorder....I want to enjoy my life and be myself. I can't enjoy life on those medications. I can't have it though...

what even is life. I don't trust anyone. I want to hide away from everybody. I can't handle the pressures of society. You all will probably tell me to go to the hospital but believe me, if it helped I would already be there. Been there tried that. Plus I'm not actively suicidal. I never thought my life would turn into this.

[pirilin]

====================== {{{HUGS!.}}}====================

[gina_re]

I've wondered how you've been, it defeinitely has been a while since I've seen you post. I'm so sorry to see that it has been difficult for you since then. I don't feel comfortable telling someone that he or she should go back on their meds because let's face it. We're all grown here and can make our own decisions. But as you've learned, there will be some horrible side effects from quitting cold turkey.
Now a new diagnosis can be scary. I know with my initial diagnosis I was questioning everything. Why? Why are you putting this label on me?? So I can see how that would be a lot to take in considering it came out of nowhere for you. As long as you're safe, I don't see why you would need to go IP, but out of concern for you, I think it would help if did go to a doctor to make sure there aren't any serious issues that need to be taken care of as a result of the withdrawal.
If you're unable to trust anyone, I'm glad you trusted this community for sharing your story. I truly hope you feel better. Welcome back, and please take care of yourself. Keep in touch with us and hopefully your spirits will lift even just a little bit.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I don't know what meds you came off of or how long ago you stopped them but I think that nausea when coming off is usually pretty short-term and if you are having nausea now that you may have another reason for that (stress, GERD, an ulcer, gall bladder, other random things--I just named things that cause nausea btw, not saying you have any of them) and you probably do need to get checked out.

How about therapy with a different therapist to see if you might find someone you trust a bit more? I had to try several therapists to find someone who met my needs well but I did find someone eventually who I don't feel paranoid at all with.

Glad you are back, sorry it is because you are not feeling well.

[wiretwister]

sounds like it has been a very stressful time for you .... Just speaking for myself stress is one of my biggest problems .... and yes it really does a job on my tummy ....

[piano97]

How long ago did you completely stop meds? What were you taking?

Small, frequent meals might be helpful. Like 5-6 a day vs. the 'usual' 3 meals. Bananas, lemon water, gingerale, plain crackers, toast. You know all those things, and I'm just reminding you Maintaining self-care during a period of less than optimal functioning is incredible difficult. It is possible though. It may seem you are not able to generate the forces to do so, but you still can. And right now, really need to.

There are some crappy doctors, but I honestly haven't met many and I work in healthcare. They are programmed to pass pills and move along. It's a messed up system. But generally they are incredible people of remarkable intellect and often, character. If you need medication as a short-term treatment, it's totally cool and OK to go to any general practitioner, say you have nausea, and other interventions you already tried didn't work, and you want a pill.

I want you to recognize something in that though. Right now, you need a pill to help with a physical complaint (nausea). That is totally cool and fine. It also may be equally fine that if you, in fact, have schizoaffective d/o, the diagnosis generally requires medication as a treatment intervention to maximize functioning and quality of life. Which medication is up for debate. But what is not up for debate is the healthy option is to take the smallest, and I mean smallest, theurapeutic dose, of a pill or two, that collude to keep you in a good place.

I can't say I'm in tip-top shape right now, but I'm doing pretty well, big picture. I tried to stop one of my meds recently. It didn't work. I started it back on it, but at a smaller dose. At one point I was taking like 10X of what I'm taking now about 6 months ago. THAT, messed me up. I'm totally with you on how docs throwing pills out left and right. I experienced it and it really, really was not good for me. But we sometimes forget that the docs are trying to correct, or bring into better alignment, the neuro-chemical environment in our brains. There's a lot of guesswork in it, but they do use science and knowledge to make those recommendations. I seriously question the dosing directions that a lot of doctors use.

Exercise and nutrition have proven science behind them as treatments for basically any health condition, certainly including psychiatric conditions. And I think if we work at it enough, we can combine those with other healthy behaviors and structure, to treat the illness. We might, for most people, still then require and likely benefit from some amount of medication. In the smallest theurapeutic dose. And that's all we need because we have, via the behavioral interventions I mentioned, done a certain amount of neuro-chemical modification on our own. So we don't need the giant doses of meds.

I'm rambling at this point, but I hope it helped you to post, and I think you can get through this difficult time, and get to a better place over time. Do not discount that medication might be helpful at some stage of the illness. Doesn't mean you always have to take it. And that's another reason to take the smallest dose possible, because if and when you stop taking it, it's much much easier on your system.

Take care and don't give up. Ever.

[zepchic]

I can totally relate to not trusting the doctors and therapists. Ever since I had my first baby I have been extremely avoidant of doctors and don't give a crap what they say for the most part. I'd imagine a probiotic would help with stomach issues

zofran works amazingly well for me for nausea. hope you feel better soon

[Icare dixit]

Your appetite will most likely come back after a while. The nausea could very well (as in very probably) be related to your lack of appetite.

Just like fasting can help to decrease your appetite, eating far more than you feel like (you might even throw up at first) can speed up the process. Maybe do that for two days, then eat a normal amount for one to four days and eat more the next two days, and so on.

You might wanna take some supplements, so that lack of some vitamins will not keep your body in a fasting state.

[Icare dixit]

If you ever smoked pot, you might also do that more now to stimulate your appetite. Better yet, put it in your tea or just warm water. If you smoke cigarettes, quit for now (or forever: now is your chance).

[lunaticfringe]

Thanks so much everyone. The meds I came off of were invega, trileptal and hydroxizine. Prior to that I was on a heavy dose of lithium which really messed me up. It seems like when I was taking the meds I kind of relied on my anti-psychotic to stimulate my appetite and now that it's not there I don't want to eat.

I'm not sure how I feel about meds in general. I kind of think the pharma industry is evil, and just a form of mind control. I recently got medical marijuana so I've been medicating quite heavily with that and have been considering other plant medicines. I'm interested in treating my symptoms the natural way. I am not pro-medication. I hate doctors in general, I feel extremely uncomfortable in society, feel like an outsider...yeah. I just stay home a lot. I'm on SSDI and I don't do much. It's very lonely and I feel existentially panicked a lot of the time. I get outside and try to enjoy life however I can but it gets pretty dark sometimes.

[Icare dixit]

Psychiatry is generally not deliberately "evil" (so I'd say, not evil), but what it does is rather bad mostly, as I see it. Meds might be needed for some to survive, but it is best, as I see it, to only use them for executing a plan to reach a stage where you don't need them, to become more free, less dependent, to find the right balance between flexibility and routine and to accept mania and depression as healthy—given the circumstances.

Maybe you could try acetylcysteine, vitamin E, methylfolate and methylcobalamin. The last two are really only needed when your plasma homocysteine level is (much) above normal. I'd suggest you find out. If your plasma Hcy level is very high, you might've found a/the cause of all your problems as far as genetics and biochemistry go. However, this test only works if your diet is sufficient, so you'd probably have to wait and/or take some normal B12 and folate (and other B vitamin) supplements.

[lunaticfringe]

I completely agree with you about using meds as a temporary tool rather than relying so heavily on them. You know, I had a pretty messed up childhood and to me it seems like the feelings/sensations I experience daily are probably pretty normal after an entire lifetime of abuse. You know? Our society is so quick to pin labels on people and shove medications at them that only seem to mask problems.

Can you say more about plasma Hcy? I've never heard of this. My ****** doctor never mentioned this sort of test, which doesn't surprise me. I get so frustrated with these health "professionals"...like they're supposed to be healers, experts in their field but after seeing so many, they pretty much don't know ****.

[Icare dixit]

I also totally agree with what you describe, the societal aspect and BP being a rather normal reaction to severe, "external"/exogenous problems (though one can make things worse psychologically and we probably all have, as I see it).

All your doctor has to do is tick a box on a form for a blood test, like measuring your lithium or glucose or cholesterol levels. Plasma basically just means (the liquid of your) blood. Measuring homocysteine levels is not uncommon. You do need to fast (the part of the day) before you have blood work done, however.

[Icare dixit]

High homocysteine concentrations causes brain toxicity which can lead to memory problems and (thereby and on its own) psychotic symptoms.

All the supplements are neuroprotective, counteracting the toxicity directly by helping to increase the speed by which homocysteine is metabolised to be like that of most people, or indirectly (there being many causes of toxicity).

Many/all meds for BP do the same, but maybe such supplements are enough.

I see meds as a necessary evil in many cases, but definitely not for life. The biggest problem I have with psychiatry is not the meds (there is that) but that they tell us we are the ones with the problem, not (everyone in) society. It teaches us to fear our BP, not to embrace the less extreme aspects of it. It makes us (feel) disabled, not just different.

[manicdiamond]

I'm sorry you're not feeling well! I hope you can get into a better place soon.