[SpasticBliss]

Hi! First post, it is a long one. Bare with me...

People can tell that some of us are a little different than the majority of people you meet. Some people love it and celebrate our differences. Some find it bothersome or fake or scary or they just forget that it's there, despite your reactions. Everyone must make accommodations for everyone.

Ya know how in that movie Rosemary's Baby they screw with poor Rosemary's mind until she looks crazy, while genuinely being tormented by these devils? Then people can always say, no, no, she's ****ed up, give her back to us!

That's sort of what's going on at work. Then after simply messing with my head for a while (they know I have mental health issues, I'm not ashamed) that has evolved into a bullying mentality that has spread through most of the office. That's when I applied for another job.

After 2 months of torture, they suddenly got really really nice last Friday around 10:00 a.m. I'll never trust them again.

The scary thing is, as perfectly stable and happy as I was even just after the first huge big blow up. I was literally screamed at and I stayed disturbingly calm. But now, a month later, my anxiety is getting worse and worse, day by day. I was doing so good!

I have to rebuild my strength and self-confidence of over a month of building mental chaos daily and defending myself and being yelled at.

Now the good old stress-induced bipolar obsessive paranoia has kicked in. Yuck.

Talk to me people!

[manicdiamond]

I'm sorry that you're having so much trouble at work. It can be hard sometimes. hugs and support!

[Icare dixit]

Do you know why they're being so nice? I'd suggest finding out, not assuming too much (which from what you wrote, you might do now).

It's good you're not ashamed of being different or "crazy"/crazy, but try to understand why you do what you do, feel what you feel and believe what you believe.

I think it's possible you feel confused because you experience problems while you "shouldn't" rationally, since no-one is shouting anymore, there are no more "enemies", so you invent some, but you feel your rationalisations, your paranoia, aren't correct, leading to more confusion and anxiety.

Find out why they are so nice to you. If it is because you have a "serious, debilitating illness", that's fine, I'd say. Whatever makes them feel better and be more tolerant. Acceptance would be preferable, I guess, but many with BP don't accept is as part of themselves much, even.

Maybe I misinterpreted some of what you wrote. Please tell me if I did.

[newtothis31]

I'm sorry. I hope you can find an outlet outside of work to de-stress. For me, coloring has been very helpful and I'll try to take a long walk at some point during the day.

Big hugs to you. I'm not exactly sure I can relate, but I do get some of what you are writing. If what I write doesn't apply, I apologize in advance.

At work and in all social situations, I would get screwed with. People whispering, screaming, slamming, banging. People putting me in situations, just to screw with me. Because of my issues, I never knew if any of it was real. All I knew was, it followed me everywhere. I'd ask my friend and families opinion and they agreed I was being screwed with. They even thought I should sue, that they contributed to my mental and physical illness. I didn't go through with it because it happens in all groups. Especially if I stand up for myself. The only constant is me. Doesn't mean I'm entirely wrong, but it's an indication the problem is with me. I would be so distraught and sick, I would wait till I hit the freeway before I would break down crying. I was so afraid I'd pass someone from work and they'd see me.

Some people are really nice though. You can sense their goodness. They are so hard to find. The world is made up of 70% jerks and 30 % decently kind people.

I'm tempted to say "find another job". But I don't agree with that anymore. I mean, no matter where you go, there you are. Talk to a professional about this. Don't rely on friends and family unless you really feel they know everything. Hugs to you and best of luck.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by SpasticBliss

Hi! First post, it is a long one. Bare with me...

Now the good old stress-induced bipolar obsessive paranoia has kicked in.

first ... that was not long at all ....

the only point I want to offer is I am the poster child for obsessing ... ask anyone ... and it serves no useful purpose but really hard to stop ... I feel your pain and only wish I had an answer for you ... I'm there with you though ... peace to you ..

[pirilin]

Welcome!!!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Welcome to PC and our cozy bipolar corner! We don't bite...hard. As far as the work situation, I can absolutely relate as far as my last job! I suffered as much as to leave my job (with two middle fingers in the air) and apply for SSD. This is not the first job where my BP caused issues either. I made the huge mistake by telling them I had anxiety issues only. They played with me and treated me like a chew toy every day after that. The day they "let me go" she mentioned my mood swings and that's when I said I was bipolar. After me leaving, they tried to cover there *** by sending me a letter in the mail telling me to contact them. You think I ever wanted to talk to any of those people again though?! Oh hell no! I sent a quick text to send me my check and washed my hands of it. People with MI are treated so crappy when it comes to jobs I swear. It makes me sick. I actually still have nightmares of the day I got tossed. So yea that's my rant and little story. Again, welcome!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Shadesofdark]

Welcome to PC! Sorry to hear you are having trouble at work, I hope you find some relief. You are not alone.

[Nammu]

[SpasticBliss]

Thanks everyone! Wow, that was awesome. Like talking to a bunch of really smart new friends. I wanted to respond to each of you individually and I still might, but I just wanted to throw this out there.

After working with my therapist of 5 years, she has seen me go from suicidal, deeply depressed, seriously scary mixed-states, and nearly full-blown manic a few times, for the first time ever I am very very stable. It's weird. My only "problem" in life, literally, is work. It's always sort of been the opposite... until I got stable. Hmmm. As my friend said, "Maybe they need for you to be sick."

I saw my therapist of 5 years today and she has heard every detail of the bullying as it would happen. When I told her they had a meeting and came out one by one and asked how I was doing and suddenly they are all being very nice, boom, at 9:45 last Friday… She just looked at me and said, “You’re not crazy, you’re in a good place, it’s time to get out of there!”

Funny thing is, my dream job came open right in the middle of all this. They can be as nice as they want, I don’t want anything to do with people who have to have a meeting to decide whether or not to be nice to someone.

Besides, my boss drowns squirrels with his bare hands in a utility sink. No joke. He has a “squirrel problem,” that’s how he justifies it. My therapist was horrified! As am I.

Thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate the concern and the opinions and just the interaction in general. That makes all the difference in the world.