[Darlingminx]

What was your earliest memory of realizing or wondering if maybe you were different/bipolar or other disorders?
I can think of lots of weird things I did as an only child without neighbor kids(you get creative!) but I specifically remember one instance that relates to bipolar. I was around age 10 and riding in the car with my dad. I guess I was being really quite and he was trying to get a conversation going. That's when I realized that sometimes I just couldn't think of anything to say or talk about for days and days BUT other times I talked non stop and could find tons of fun things to do. I remember puzzling over that silently while driving home from my grandmothers house. My childhood was pretty good. I can't blame anyone or anything.
That's my earliest moment although I didn't have a name to but to the mood swings back then

Your turn

[st0psign]

I was always the bad kid growing up with one other younger sibling. got into trouble at school too, was seeing a therapist by age 6 due to rages. yup we all always knew there was something a little different with our little Ray.

[raspberrytorte]

I don't really have any memories as a child regarding my issues now relating to mood...

However, I was always anxious (I always had stomach aches because of it) and felt lonely and different. Like I was the kid standing at the edge of the play ground during recess in elementary school, staring down the road and wanting to go home. That's one of my first memories.

lying in the centre of a road

all the traffic had been stopped, and someone was leaning over me saying that i shouldn't do this, and all i kept saying was- i want to die, i want my life to be over, this life is a mistake.

eventually i was told that if i wanted to go to heaven this instant (which i did), i had to get on this person's bus- and sit down in my seat, and my life would be over

and of course, at the time i was only a child so was really gullible and honestly believed the bus led to heaven

i will never, ever forget that, such a vivid experience of wanting to die.. had everything planned out

people still comment about that today. they say you must have been pretty messed up if you were so sure

[pirilin]

I was born different. And I like it.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I don't really have any memories as a child regarding my issues now relating to mood...

However, I was always anxious (I always had stomach aches because of it) and felt lonely and different. Like I was the kid standing at the edge of the play ground during recess in elementary school, staring down the road and wanting to go home. That's one of my first memories.

Me too. Severe anxiety as far back as I can remember. And I couldn't relate to other kids...I was shy and a nerd, reading literally all of the time.

It's hard to detangle bipolar from my less than ideal childhood, but I do remember being extremely depressed right after my dad died (of course). Fifth and sixth grade were hell, but suddenly, in seventh grade, it all went away. I started being outgoing and happy, making friends more easily, participating in the school play, etc. just out of nowhere. That lasted for about a year and a half before it all came crashing down in eighth grade. Was I hypomanic? Probably not. But it was interesting that I just suddenly stopped feeling depressed and anxious.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

lying in the centre of a road

all the traffic had been stopped, and someone was leaning over me saying that i shouldn't do this, and all i kept saying was- i want to die, i want my life to be over, this life is a mistake.

eventually i was told that if i wanted to go to heaven this instant (which i did), i had to get on this person's bus- and sit down in my seat, and my life would be over

and of course, at the time i was only a child so was really gullible and honestly believed the bus led to heaven

i will never, ever forget that, such a vivid experience of wanting to die.. had everything planned out

people still comment about that today. they say you must have been pretty messed up if you were so sure

How old were you when this happened??

First really stand out memory being "other" was in second grade. I was not able to relate. I couldn't understand them. How they thought, talked, and most if all, interacted. It was a very distinct moment. Almost like a movie, where everything was at a distance, standing there with the sudden realization of being alone in a foreign land. I was the alien observer.

It's kind of weird, really, for that to be the stand out moment. Because in kindergarten and first grade, I didn't talk. Like, almost never. I must have realized on some level that it was weird, but was so inside my own head. What I remember most was spinning on this toy. Every chance, around and around. And tapping my teacher to hand a paper and scurrying away. No eye contact, no talking. Yet I was outraged when they put me in the "slow" reading group(!) I'd gone into kindergarten able to write in (self-taught) cursive (a skill they wouldn't even teach for another 2 years(!) They did quickly realize their error, but ... What? Did I think they'd just "know" because it was inside my head?(!)

(Disclaimer: those aren't BP things, just early memories of substantial different-ness. The obviously BP things came later really. Mood things were there, but the clear ones aren't mine.)

I'd not have thought in terms of any sort of dx at that age if course. Even years later didn't think in terms of bipolar though, because I knew nothing about it. (These are different times. It was much easier to be kept in the dark then.)

I didn't have any idea about possibly having bipolar until i was 25. As a kid i was always 'sensitive' and easy to cry. I started getting depressed and feeling different from the other kids when i was eight when my family started to fall apart, tho i never thought of it as 'depression.' But until then i was a happy and carefree kid and i remember my childhood well.