[venusss]

I am tired for being constantly criticized and not being good enough.

Yeah, sorry for how I look, that I am not some skinny blonde, botoxed bimbo with mouthful of porcelain veneers. There are plenty of those running around. But no, you need to come to my Facebook and comment on it.

I am sorry I cannot act always oh-so-professional and that I am sometimes... you know relatable or human and have my moments. It's just me.

And I am sorry that I actually care for issues that matter and that I do what I do. That I am a humanitarian and don't just pick random fights and stand behind microphone making big speeches.

I am sorry I am not nicety nice goody two shoes, that I am not oh-so-politically-correct-chicken-soup-woman. I am sorry I drink too much at times and consume "too much" of coffee.

Actually, not....

I spent TWO winters standing on square doing the humanitarian/political/activist thing. Lately my ****ing joins have been hurting and I blame the two winters in the cold.

And then some people come and criticize it's not enough.

I am doing plenty of things that can be dangerous. I pretty much put all my future out there and if things really go down, I am screwed. I know it. That's why I have bags under my eyes, because who knows too much sleeps a little... and no amount of correction stick will undo that.

I get hate mail, even death threats, it's ****ing with me mentally, I had gotten a case of PTSD from it (pretty sure)... but noooooo, it's not good enough. I need to do more, differently, or not at all, I need to act not so crazy and driven... be more strategic whatnot....

Gah, this has been long day, long past few weeks, long past few months.

I guess little me does not deserve a break. And now I am anxious as hell, because if **** goes down, not sure whom to count at.

I need to be ready for work tomorrow, but not sure how will I manage. And there is few more events I need to be on, all ready, pretty, alert. Not sure how much longer can I do this.

[zepchic]

I'm sorry things are so crappy right now.

[Icare dixit]

I only dare what you do (as far as I know; political/humanitarian/social activism) when manic, and I did when I only got hypomanic, and it can really make you feel extremely vulnerable (even, or maybe more so) then, so I love you for doing what you do!

I wouldn't say it's the most healthy thing to do, but I do recognise this need to hang on to something bigger than oneself. I think self-transcendence like that is in our nature (disclaimer: not everyone's the same), but it can utterly destroy us because people don't see it like that: they see someone messing with their comfortable thoughts, beliefs, behaviour, pride and positions. They will smell blood if you feel deflated and viciously attack you. It's horrible.

All that I know that works is to not let others dictate how you spend your time. If you feel weak, just shut all that out, say you need time off and focus on just yourself (for a change). In my experience, even your "enemies" will respect that (also because you will cease your "attack"), but also because everyone in positions of power or influence knows what it can be like: (feeling like) being left out to dry. Everyone in the public eye knows that.

Don't let yourself be used in any way: you decide what you do and when. If people have any experience with these emotionally high-stakes battles, they will respect you more for it.

Try to connect to the things behind the façades people put up. To humanise. It should be possible for people to greatly respect you and your personal needs while fiercely opposing your take on things.

What you do is truly admirable! Myself, I try to very slowly get back into such an arena. Past experiences have really taught me that is the best way (at least for me), keeping me in one piece and so being able to bring about real change. But all that experience will serve you really well in the future, so go for it! Get back in there, on your own terms, when you feel ready!

And I'm seen as a (possible) flippin' robot by my "friends" for not being this egocentric (not just my ego) person and one that analyses things. Screw them. I would love a bit more egocentricity, but that's just not me. I'm best being me.

[Trippin2.0]

It's not for anyone else to decide how much of yourself you give V.


Screw those morons, they don't have to walk in your shoes, so they don't get to decide where you walk, for how long, and in which shoes.


You have a habit of spreading yourself very thin (many of us do, I know I too am guilty) so please don't forget about yourself. Don't put Venus on the back burner for too long. She matters too, she's part of the world you're trying to save. Please remember that.


Who knows, there are talks of major civil unrest in the near future, should the current sorry excuse for a president get "elected" again.

So I might end up taking a page from your book and asking you for tips...

[Icare dixit]

Really, truly, screw all of those people.

Anyone not having BP and having been involved in activism or was otherwise publicly scrutinised, slandered and chastised has no idea what emotional pain (at least that brought on by others) is. I know from experience, in my private life and public life, sadly and to my great shame (though some can handle it), I could utterly destroy them emotionally (there is not necessarily much borderline about borderline). But they have no experience with that pain and nothing besides themselves to live for, so I try very hard not to in any way.

But screw them!

Ok, now all oxygen-rich blood has left my head.

[Icare dixit]

****, I got light vertigo from this. Sorry for my (mostly perceived but somewhat) egocentricity.

If anyone is in a bad place and is maybe (even) emotionally hurt by what I said, know that you are least respected.

But, venusss, I will personally defend you when you're down, if it would help. **** them.

I think you're great. (have I said that already )

[Wander]

Venus you should be proud of yourself for all that you have done. I am proud of you and I only know a little from your posts. If you need to take a short break for your sanity, do it. We all need time out. I cant believe the pressure you must be under! Even though I hardly know you I care about you. Take things a day at a time and if you need to call in sick to work once in a while, do. You have so much courage Venus, draw from it and hang in there. You will rise again.

[Icare dixit]

And

. Keep a perspective.

[venusss]

Thank you all.

You have a habit of spreading yourself very thin (many of us do, I know I too am guilty) so please don't forget about yourself. Don't put Venus on the back burner for too long. She matters too, she's part of the world you're trying to save. Please remember that.

You are right. I need to have me time at times too, although it feels at times selfish.

[Trippin2.0]

Selfish is not a completely negative word, it just has a loaded connotation.


Nothing wrong with putting ourselves first in certain areas and under certain circumstances.


It's actually good self care, and leads to self preservation, which is basic instinct.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Selfish is not a completely negative word, it just has a loaded connotation.


Nothing wrong with putting ourselves first in certain areas and under certain circumstances.


It's actually good self care, and leads to self preservation, which is basic instinct.

I hate the word selfish. It is an ugly word, and it used as a weapon. Self care, self love, self security, self respect are all better words to use.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

I hate the word selfish. It is an ugly word, and it used as a weapon. Self care, self love, self security, self respect are all better words to use.

Freeing words from mostly negative connotations is also a lofty thing to do, I'd say. Though I feel a bit like Ayn Rand now, but that's not all bad. We shouldn't lose ourselves in looking after others.

[venusss]

I guess I just associate selfish with the people who don't vote, cause that would require going to the city hall on Friday night and that would mean they'd be 10 minutes later in the Mall or club, not watching news cause it's depressing and then basing your world view on what your neighbor said, telling us we should not be protesting during Christmas time (we are not a protest assembly, we are humanitarian station too, FFS!) and similar.