[zepchic]

I feel f-ing lonely. I find myself on here a lot these days just looking for folks to relate to. My husband doesn't understand me and probably never will. I don't really have any friends I can talk to about my bipolar issues, especially without feeling like debby downer. And I can't make bp support chat tonight, which I was hoping to. I really would like to drink or smoke right now, but am trying to lay off that **** for a bit.

How do you handle feeling like no one understands?

[Woolly Bugger]

I just roll with it and try to deal with things on my own. What is it that other people can do for you, anyway? I suppose they can comfort you, but they can't help you overcome your disability. Only you can do that.

So my advice is to stop looking for help from others and be strong.

Others will disagree, but that's my take on things.

I'm very sorry you're going through a hard time, btw, and hope you find some relief soon.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I get how you're feeling. My bf told me months ago that MI is "all in your head" and that's the very time I stopped trying. Why waste my breath when im not being taken seriously?! It's frustrating for sure. Last weekend we got into our worse argument yet. Furniture was broken and cops were called. He kept asking me why I gave up on him. I said "the very second you said im in control and it's all in my head!" I don't know if I can mentally come back from this one. I'm trying, but it doesn't feel right.

Forget about family too, they say the same things. Here on this forum is the one and only place I can talk about anything. I'm grateful for everyone here for giving me a sounding board and letting me be myself. ((Hugs))

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Originally Posted by zepchic

I feel f-ing lonely. ...How do you handle feeling like no one understands?

Not terribly well really.

It tends to bother me most when I'm alone and having too much time to think about it. Right now I'm kind of feeling that way. More frustrated than misunderstood, but same in the way of feeling there's not anywhere to go with it. Trying to keep it from building like yesterday when I kind of, well, flipped out. That didn't go particularly well...

One thing I find helpful is to try to delve into things that I like to do that don't involve others. It's easiest to make a list ahead of time, because it can be hard to think of when in the midst of feeling that way. Things like maybe reading, coloring, gardening. Things that occupy but relax the mind. Trying to be mindful in doing them. In other words, focusing on the activity itself -- getting absorbed in it-- as opposed to being a background activity to looping negative thoughts.

It's not just distraction. There can be a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you're getting to do something for yourself. I find it helpful to think of it in terms of doing these solitary activities by choice, as opposed to because I find myself alone not by my wishes. If that makes any sense. Guess it's a feeling a sense of control, as opposed to others controlling the situation by not being there or being indifferent. They don't actually control it, of course, but it can make us feel like a victim of the circumstances if we let it.

As far as people not understanding, most won't, and it's important to realize that they really can't and that that is ok if you think about it -- there are plenty of situations that any one of us can't really understand either. Even with empathy, there's only a certain degree that we can put ourselves in unfamiliar shoes.

Is there anything useful here, or am I off the mark in understanding what you mean?

[gina_re]

Wow. I just posted something similar on the check in thread...
I push everyone away because they irritate me, but then I start to feel lonely and wonder where everyone went...
I pretty much use PC as my support. I know you all get it and I feel more support here than anywhere else.

Innerzone, what you have said really nails it as far as I'm concerned and with a great deal of clarity too. Thank you.

[Icare dixit]

I agree you might wanna try to be more independent (at least mentally and emotionally).

Nobody really, truly, fully understands another person. It's the beauty of life, actually: we can to explain and each time we fail somewhat and succeed somewhat we learn. We might know ourselves better than most others, we still have a lot to learn. It's not as if we can fully rationalise BP ourselves, or we would probably be able to explain to others better.

I don't feel lonely because people don't understand me, as long as they try, I only feel lonely if people ignore me because they don't understand. But even then, I don't blame them. Could be worse still.

There must be people that want to understand you. Someone you spend lots of time with might not be willing to try that all the time, being perceived as something that spoils other things maybe, like something menacing, but maybe reserve some time for it and prepare for it, and shut up about it afterwards (excuse my bluntness, but just to make light of it just a little bit (more). I know it isn't, but it maybe helps to see it as something less isolating, taxing, daunting, challenging, difficult). Might work.

I feel lonely too but i don't long for someone to understand. I just don't think there's a lot we can do for each other. Every one suffers. I'd like to have some friends to have fun with, but that's all.

[MusicLover82]

We're here for you. Have you thought about going to a support group near you? It's nice when you can find other bipolar people to talk to. I recently reunited with a BP friend (a rare gem) and it's nice to talk to someone else face to face about the kind of stuff we go through.

[zepchic]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I get how you're feeling. My bf told me months ago that MI is "all in your head" and that's the very time I stopped trying. Why waste my breath when im not being taken seriously?! It's frustrating for sure. Last weekend we got into our worse argument yet. Furniture was broken and cops were called. He kept asking me why I gave up on him. I said "the very second you said im in control and it's all in my head!" I don't know if I can mentally come back from this one. I'm trying, but it doesn't feel right.

Forget about family too, they say the same things. Here on this forum is the one and only place I can talk about anything. I'm grateful for everyone here for giving me a sounding board and letting me be myself. ((Hugs))

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If my SO told me it was all in my head I would probably flip my lid too. I only have my mom for family and I have weird issues with trying to please her, so I don't discuss my bp with her.

[zepchic]

Originally Posted by MusicLover82

We're here for you. Have you thought about going to a support group near you? It's nice when you can find other bipolar people to talk to. I recently reunited with a BP friend (a rare gem) and it's nice to talk to someone else face to face about the kind of stuff we go through.

Thanks, IDK, it'd be a big deal to get away to go to a support group.

[zepchic]

I guess I feel like I am pretty strong, but what I wish I had was a friendship like some I have had in the past where they 'get me' KWIM....It's not necessarily the bp. Thanks for all the replies.

[zepchic]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Not terribly well really.

It tends to bother me most when I'm alone and having too much time to think about it. Right now I'm kind of feeling that way. More frustrated than misunderstood, but same in the way of feeling there's not anywhere to go with it. Trying to keep it from building like yesterday when I kind of, well, flipped out. That didn't go particularly well...

One thing I find helpful is to try to delve into things that I like to do that don't involve others. It's easiest to make a list ahead of time, because it can be hard to think of when in the midst of feeling that way. Things like maybe reading, coloring, gardening. Things that occupy but relax the mind. Trying to be mindful in doing them. In other words, focusing on the activity itself -- getting absorbed in it-- as opposed to being a background activity to looping negative thoughts.

It's not just distraction. There can be a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you're getting to do something for yourself. I find it helpful to think of it in terms of doing these solitary activities by choice, as opposed to because I find myself alone not by my wishes. If that makes any sense. Guess it's a feeling a sense of control, as opposed to others controlling the situation by not being there or being indifferent. They don't actually control it, of course, but it can make us feel like a victim of the circumstances if we let it.

As far as people not understanding, most won't, and it's important to realize that they really can't and that that is ok if you think about it -- there are plenty of situations that any one of us can't really understand either. Even with empathy, there's only a certain degree that we can put ourselves in unfamiliar shoes.

Is there anything useful here, or am I off the mark in understanding what you mean?

Not you are pretty on point. I definitely need to do more self-care, but that is the nature of motherhood. You give it all to your kids. Right now I feel like I can't really ask for time from my spouse. Occasionally, I drop the kiddos at this lego play place, but I can only drop off 2 of the 3 at a time. No family around and I have kinda stretched my friendships so I could have time to go to therapy and pdoc.

[SillyMom]

I'm like this every day. My husband works 12 hrs, but gets up 2 hours early to go workout, then comes home and passes out after work. My 2 year old doesn't talk much yet, and my teens wouldn't be caught dead talking to me. I have no friends, and the acquaintances I know I have no idea how to talk to them. I'm scared I'll go manic again and overstep the friend boundaries.
It's easier to be alone. I hurt less people.

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