Remind me again

Remind me why I am even bothering to take this medication when I still seem to be up and down and all around....nothing extreme though. I feel like I went on the medication because I was having an 'episode' of mania that was becoming overwhelming and destructive. I feel like these episodes are few and far between, so why can't I just stop the medication now and begin anew the next time I have a major episode? It just seems pointless.

I hear you!
My struggles have gotten worse since I got diagnosed and started treating my "illness". I don't know if that comes from an awareness and thus a fearful consuming obsession or from the painful progression of a progressive disease?
I'm likely to never settle on an answer, but I do know that I want to give up sometimes(most times). And I very much long for the emotional freedom I once had. There was a time when I didn't live on eggshells.
I want my life back.
I know I can't have it. I can't go off meds without everyone I know gasping in horror. That says something, no?
Selective amnesia is a part of this mess. When not symptomatic it feels as though it never actually existed.
It's a brain trick that's worse than the other pains.

Take your meds, and I'll take mine.

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What med(s) do you use?

You can develop a tolerance quicker when you discontinue meds. But it depends on the type of med.

The biggest problem might be your inability to know when you might need meds.

If you use antidepressants/anxiolytics, I would stop taking them. They don't prevent anything, they only create tolerance and might cause one type of anxiety (I'd say one might distinguish between two types, both at extreme ends of some "stimulation dimension").

Antidepressants/anxiolytics might cause understimulation, causing fear/anxiety and/or a feeling of something akin to nihilism, emotional detachment (not conscious distancing, something you can train yourself to do, most probably, which would be preferable, I'd say). You might turn into something like a sociopath. Prozac killings might be a good example.

Whoa, I think this is not appropriate advice for PC. We aren't pdocs and aren't qualified as patients to make such statements about meds or recommend someone stop taking meds that have been prescribed by a medical professional.

Hmm... Ok, maybe. Maybe not.

All I know is I would stop taking them, for the reasons I gave.

It may "cause" you to do very damaging things. Depression is good that way: hopefully you're not in a state to do anything like that.

But it may work for you. I don't see how, but (here we go!) I'm not a doctor.

My favourite PC phrase (double meaning intended).

I know what you are saying. I didn't really take it as a 'you should quit your meds' type advice. As for antidepressants, I take wellbutrin which i kinda like for the pep in my step it gives me. Though I would like to be med free. I guess I agree with the fact that I might not always be the best judge of when i need meds. I am learning more little changes in my mind that I didn't recognize as my bipolar before.

Is it possible that by being on the medication, you are having fewer "episodes"? Very rarely are there perfect answers to the illnesses we suffer. Granted, there are times we need to try different meds, different ways of doing things to find what works best for ourselves.

Going off a med without discussing it with your pdoc and titrating down off the dosage may send you into a horrible downward spiral, one that you won't enjoy either mentally or possibly physically either.

No matter what you decide, please be safe and talk with your pdoc first.

As you mentioned above, your episodes are less severe. It is probably your medication that is keeping you from having severe episodes. I get frustrated often that there is no "magic pill" to make me feel totally stable and keep me from getting hypomanic, depressed, or anxious. Thankfully, my meds keep my episodes more mild, and I am able to continue to function (which is my main goal in treatment: to keep doing the things I love and not let MI stand in the way). I just keep on keepin' on, even when I feel like staying home from work (which happened a couple times this week). I figure that is a victory if I can continue to function, and I thank my lucky stars, my pdoc, and my medications for that.

Without medication, bipolar is a pervasive disease that gets progressively worse over time. That is why you want to continue taking your meds. I quit mine when I was doing well and the next "episode" was so bad I'm now on disability and harder to medicate. Don't make this mistake.

That kinda makes me want to cry. I was really hoping that when my life stressors settle down a bit I could try to go off meds for another 10 years (or more!). Though it was probably only my 3 pregnancies that helped moderate my bipolar effects. They say pregnancy can exacerbate bp, but for me it seemed to calm it down.

Reluctantly, I agree to do this. I want my old life back too - desperately. BP seems to come at such a huge cost. I hate and resent it. I sure liked my life when I was manic. But I couldn't maintain it.

I know that it simply wouldn't return just because I were to stop the meds. I ruined it all forever.

So now, like a good girl, I take my medication. I dream of the day I might have a glimpse of my old life and make do with what it has become. I get the reminders all the time of my former life; not just the good but how it all came crashing down.

I feel similar right now. Staying on medication forever, for temporary problems feels so strange. But, I need to be well for my family. I have lots of reminders of my recent behaviors to carry me on this medication road for awhile. I realize it might take awhile, but if I'm lucky, I will find something which prevents the ups and downs from happening. My family is better with me, than without me. It's not easy, but nothing in this life is. It will hopefully get easier in time, for both of us. (((Hugs)))

As someone who was hurt more than helped by meds this past year, I say trust your gut feeling. We know what is best for ourselves. If you feel that one of your meds is hurting you, go off it, and don't let anyone disuade you.

I wish I would have done that sooner. I feel much better now that I trusted my gut feeling, instead of listening to everyone who was telling me not to go off the meds I knew weren't helping.

BP doesn't necessarily get progressively worse. It can, but more likely not.

It's what separates BP from SZ (or dementia praecox), in theory. There were no meds when this division was made.

Seeing ourselves as victims for life can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Deciding to take meds doesn't mean you have to buy into that crap as well. Becoming self-sufficient is important. Incorporating BP into your volitional/conscious and deliberate behaviour, into stable behaviour, is important. If you use it, you defuse it.

Replace the involuntary dissociation of mania and depression with a deliberate and conscious (partial) dissociation of emotion and thoughts and behaviour. Only observe your emotions and how you'd react and find out the reason behind it. Care less.

Associate all/many important things of past periods of mania, derive a common theme, activity and goal and focus on that.

BP is in essence helpful given the circumstances.

BP is an escape. Do escape, but stay grounded.