[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

So, I've been SUPER easily influenced by external factors lately - say, in the last year or two. I don't think I paid any attention prior to that, so I don't really know.

For example, an upbeat song can come on the radio, and I get a rush of euphoria. Then something with more serious lyrics/sound comes on, and I feel a depressive plunge. I love watching romantic/drama types movies, but when I do I feel really low - I actually like that what I'm watching makes me cry, but I'm not sure how healthy the after effects are for me when the mood sticks around.

I noticed very recently, like in the last week or so, that inspirational stories and quotes and things are starting to pop up around me - or at least that I'm starting to notice them and really listen/pay attention. They make me feel like maybe I can do something with my life, still. In general, I feel kind of like an empty bag that drifts around in my own life, managing obligations and accomplishing what has to get done for my family. I don't feel like I have any individual substance any more. And I pretty much have assumed I missed my window, and it's simply a waiting game until death arrives.

The messages, quotes, stories, etc., I'm seeing and hearing this last week, though, are actually making me feel like that might not be the case...that I may still be able to do something fulfilling in life. I have NO idea what that might be, or even what I would want to try, but it's a new and welcome feeling.

And then I read or hear something sad or serious, and I go back down the slide. It's so rapid. I guess I'm just realizing how easily influenced I am by my environment and the messages/feelings I allow in. Does any else experience this? And does it happen all the time, or does it change depending on where you are relative to baseline? (I don't really know what my baseline feels like...I can't remember being there.)

This all feels like it relates to the post(s) I made about resiliency. I think it's in the same ball of wax...being able to internally buffer external stimuli or experiences, or something.

I wish I could answer, but when stable, I don't pay attention to what is happening. Of course I can cry, laugh hysterically and still be stable, but I just don't notice anything else because I'm living life and things seem "right". I will start to pay closer attention when stable because I want to replicate my thoughts/actions when I am. I've been asleep this past year (long story)

I've always assumed I'd die young. I'm old now so it didn't happen. I'm in the same boat as you, trying to figure out what the future will bring for me. Only time will tell.

They say to live in the moment. If that doesn't work, live for the future. If the past sucks, don't go there, but if it's pleasant, visit for s bit when you're feeling bad in the now. Move forward rather than backwards. That's what I've learned.

[zepchic]

I feel really sensitive to the emotions of those around me lately. Sometimes I experience mood changes like you describe, but not too extreme.