[jtassar93]

I'm currently in a depressive state. I'm writing a note to give to my doctor my next visit that includes all the stuff I did while hypomanic. I was wondering if you all remember/can admit all the stuff you experienced while you were hypomanic/manic?

There is only 1 person besides myself who knows ALL my "known" manic details. I think it will remain this way forever. It's my husband and he has either seen, or heard about the worst of it (and some is so, so bad). Some I'm sure I've forgotten. I used to think I never blacked out. Not from drinking, not ever. Recently some things have come to light which make me realize I'm positive I have, on several occasions. But the worst of it, I'm sure I have remembered. He's forgiven me (my husband), and that is helping me forgive myself. It's a hard road to go down when thinking about them.

I "want" to talk about them all with my therapist someday, and maybe if I find the right one I will. I only give a general list and overview with therapists, not too many details, not many feelings, not thoughts about it.

On a positive note, I think it's really good you have someone to share these things with. It's rough, I know. I think it's a good idea to write everything down, and bring lists to doctors..... Because I forget so much until I leave of course. But, I forget to write lists more often than not. I need to learn to work these hand held computers called phones better..... It's easy to make lists on them I'm sure.

Good luck and hugs going your way. I hope this appointment leaves you with everything you require for wellness right now.

[annielovesbacon]

I have a really hard time remembering what happens. Sometimes it's like I blacked out and I can't remember huge chunks of time and I can't account for where I was... sometimes it's more just like I get to the end of the day and I can't remember what happened. I try to at the end of each day write down how I felt so I can tell my T/pdoc when I see them but sometimes I honestly just can't remember.

[cmorales]

I once wrote out the entirety of my psych history (well, everything I could remember), from the time I was 13 to the present, to give to my doctor. I never gave it to either pdocs I've had, but I still have it in case I need to give it to a future doc.

As for openly admitting everything I've done while manic, I do pretty much admit most of it to my docs... when I get around to it... except for the hypersexual stuff. I mean, I may admit to being/having been hypersexual, but I feel the details of it are really nobody's business -- including my pdoc.

[zepchic]

What is your motivation for this? I can remember most things (I rhink), but sometimes my husband will be like, 'you said...., don't you remember' and I totally don't. It is usually something hurtful. Sometimes, when hypomanic, I drink till I black out and then I don't remember what happens, but I don't think that is quite what you are asking. I don't think I would reveal details, except maybe in therapy. I just don't see the point of that with a pdoc.

[Icare dixit]

Periods of mania end with a considerably lengthy mixed state, which is a bit like the (memory) tape being erased, in my case. I remember very little and want to remember less. Mentioning anything is mentally/emotionally painful. Not because of what I did so much (there is that), but just the fear associated with it. It really ends with horrible fear.

So I don't talk about it.

It's all anxiety, challenges and risk. Too much excess energy. Somehow very energy-efficient. You just tag along with God. No contemplation (in a way) or reappraisal.

During mania, when it reaches its end, I live in a "eternal" moment, completely unaware of myself, but very much aware of my surroundings. It all feels predestined. It's enlightenment, (self-transcendence and) omnitranscendence. Slowly but surely, fear sets in.

It's pretty useless to explain that: it's pretty much the essence of mania, they've heard it countless times, but have no idea, don't know it and probably will never know it.

But describing your activities in broad terms can be very helpful. Especially those that are self-effacing, assertive (especially because those two going hand in hand is typical, unusual and essential), risky, controversial and more fruitless than expected or not having really (re)considered the usefulness much (for oneself).

But seeing (some of that) should be believing, I think. It often takes someone with experience to see the changes, when diagnosing, especially because a psychiatrist usually doesn't know how you are without mania, depression or psychosis. It's the (maybe superficially subtle, modulated) changes that matter.

[gina_re]

Once I figured out that what had happened was hypomania, I told my pdoc, but I just didn't go into details such as the who, what, where and why. I just gave him vague answers that are typical hypomanic behaviors so he was aware of what was going on.
I probably would go into more detail with my T, but I didn't have one at the time.

Before I was diagnosed as bipolar, I didn't know that I had manic/hypomanic episodes. So, I fully don't remember what I've done while manic/hypomanic.

I was actually diagnosed as bipolar in August 2015, and I've only had 1 dysphoric mania episode since then (that I know of). I remember all the details of it, and I told it to my therapist.

I also think I might've been hypomanic back in September... I bought a $600 guitar because I convinced myself that I was destined to be a rockstar. lol. I have NO idea how to play the guitar, and it's been sitting in my room collecting dust. I might try to learn how to play it soon. (I might as well.)

I told that to my old therapist, and she said, "Yeah, that's normal. That's because you have ADHD. You just were a little hyper and got carried away." LOL. That was one of the dumbest things she said to me! She is my therapist no more.