How I Feel

Do you ever feel like people around you don't really understand what it's like to have bipolar disorder. I mean, I know that they can't possibly know for real but they don't even seem to stop and think about what it must be like. Just think about it. I have lived my life as me for 40 years. My need for little sleep allowed me to work, play and study while in high school and college. It's also helped me meet deadlines on my job. I've been able to meet a lot of people and create a great network because of the times that I have felt super confident. I have been able to run circles around my colleagues because I had the energy to keep going. And now, I have to fit some mold. I must get sleep, I must take meds, i must see my T, I must see my pdoc. I can't be me because she is sick. I get it. There is the opposite of all of that good stuff too. I miss the good part though and I have lived with the bad part all of this time. I would like to just be me again because this doesn't feel like me and I was ok with her.

I always said that the one thing that I would never want is for my brain not to work. My intelligence is what defines me. And what do I get -- mental illness.

Of course. How can they understand if they don't have the disorder? It's kind of like the old nursery rhyme "when she was good she was very, very good, and when she was bad she was horrid."

Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't feel like 'me' either, nor do I really feel like I know who I am anymore. I can't distinguish where my illness ends and I begin, but I suppose that is because my illness is a part of me; it just doesn't feel like me most of the time.

I have to say I don't know who am anymore either I know it's hard for others to understand what I'm going through and I can't communicate it well either

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