[earthangel1]

I am currently on 1mg of klonopin 2x day for PTSD and dissociation. The thing is I miss the old days. For a time I was at a PTSD treatment center and they had weaned me off of klonipin. I was just on an antidepressant and my bipolar meds for PTSD and dissociation. Yes, I had nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, GAD, and dissociation. But I felt better, mentally and emotionally. And I know this isn't as much a bipolar issue and should go in a new thread but I have bipolar as well and I feel like the bipolar threads are the most helpful on this website. Anyways, I held a job for 5 weeks, my personal best. And yes, at work everybody asked why I was so anxious, but I was actually doing good. I caved into what my new pdoc (which is now my old pdoc) told me which was that the panic attacks and dissociation were causing brain damage and I needed klonipin. It was a relief at first, but then (and now) I started to notice I had little interest in life in general, and would rather sit on the couch all day and do nothing. ALL anxiety was gone and that was not a good thing. Some anxiety is good for us. But not too much or too little. If we had no anxiety, we would feel no need to move out of the way from an oncoming freight train. I am starting college this June and would like the old me back, even if the old me is screwed up. I know the old me I found at the treatment center I was staying at could do college. It's just the new me on klonipin that doesn't want to do much. And I'm not blaming klonipin for everything. Some of it is bipolar depression. But it just felt like the Me messed up with PTSD was the me I connected with. I know I'm rambling, but is there anything wrong with wanting to go back to the way things were, even as a child, where I would one moment be hiding under tables afraid it was happening again, but the next moment I was writing fiction novels 100 pages long at 8 years old. I just feel the unmedicated me was the creative me that found ways to cope with life and the benzos mask who I really am.

[Nammu]

Perhaps you felt better because you could purge your emotions, feel them and express them? I know I felt like the benzos bunted my emotions and kept me from moving though the feeling and kept me stuck.

[earthangel1]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Perhaps you felt better because you could purge your emotions, feel them and express them? I know I felt like the benzos bunted my emotions and kept me from moving though the feeling and kept me stuck.

That was partly it. I used adult coloring books, music, spirituality, meditation, yoga do deal with the anxiety. I also just had more interest in life in general.

[Crazy Hitch]

I was on benzos for a long time (18 months). It caused a constant 'dullness' within me - I was never quite the same on them.

It's been the best thing ever since I weaned off them.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by bpenniman

I am currently on 1mg of klonopin 2x day for PTSD and dissociation.

Can you take a smaller dose of klonopin?

[violetgreen]

I agree that benzo are like a mask. Before my BP dx, my family doc had me on Ativan 2 mg, 3 times a day, and that allowed me to sleepwalk through a very taxing job. I credit getting the BP dx, getting the right med treatment, including weaning off of benzos with my finally making the decision to leave the job and getting on with my life. Not easy, but better.