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#1
May 18, 2016, 10:23 AM
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I feel like my BP has evolved into something where I only experience depression and dysphoric mania.
During dysphoric mania, I get increased energy, little need for sleep, reckless behavior, racing thoughts, I'm highly productive... and yet I've lost interest in things, I have a "nothing matters anymore" attitude, I have intense feelings of guilt, and I feel sad. I also have extreme irritability. I haven't had a manic episode since October, and even *that* wasn't a natural manic episode. It was triggered by an antidepressant! Before that, I can't even remember when I was hypo or manic. It's always dysphoric mania. No fair  I've been cheated! I deserve a manic or hypomanic episode Has anyone else's BP "evolved" into something different? |
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#2
May 18, 2016, 11:35 AM
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Yes, it started as unipolar depression (arguably/likely schizodepressive), then BP-II and finally, ("Joy! Beautiful sparks of God!") BP-I or schizomania (diagnosed with schizomania).
I think antidepressants/anxiolytics don't mix well with a dysphoric mania propensity. I'd call it emotional-agoraphobic (cf. -claustrophobic) anxiety. No direction. Not really stuck but (still) overwhelmed. Of course you may have that regardless, but I think/believe (in a way) numbing yourself, emotionally, can make it worse. You may be basically, stuck in a moment: between mania and depression. You have to choose a direction.  Probably no good staying there.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
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#3
May 18, 2016, 11:39 AM
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I too seem to only get depression and dysphoric manias. I feel cheated too. I don't even get the good side of mania, the only positive for my mania is I'm highly productive and creative, but its not a fun time for me or those around me.
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Bipolar 1 with mixed and psychotic symptoms & ADHD Meds Latuda 120mg Lamictal 200mg Haldol 5mg (+5mg during mixed episodes) Vyvanse 40mg morning 20mg noon Benztropine 0.5mg |
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#4
May 18, 2016, 11:40 AM
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The majority of my manic episodes have been hateful, angry dysphoric manias and most of my depressions have been agitated. But the last few manic episodes have been rather euphoric in nature and my last depression was more lethargic... don't know why, but everything seems to have shifted in the last few years. I have no idea if this will continue or if things will "go back to normal" at some point... I guess it's anybody's guess, really.
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Bipolar I; ADD Abilify 10mg Escitalopram 20mg Amphetamine Salts 30mg / day Zolpidem 5 - 10mg prn for zzz |
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