[gina_re]

On my way into work this morning I started thinking about my friendships with a few of my coworkers. We actually communicate outside of work, so I'll consider them colleagues (in my head there is a difference, hang on with me). So one messaged me with a comment last Friday that I apparently was rude about and she hasn't texted me at all since. Keep in mind, we text each other all day, everyday. I didn't think I said anything wrong, but sometimes it's easy to take things the wrong way through text/email. And another one, I pretty much have distanced myself from her for a few reasons I won't get into much detail now.

I know a lot of us have mentioned that we don't have a lot of friends, but for me I've noticed that they're easier to let go of now. I simply don't care. I think part of it has to doing this over and over years ago that I have that wall built up this huge wall so losing a friend doesn't hurt me as much. It's a Catch 22....sure I would love to have more friends so I can leave my house and be social, but at the same time, I just feel like putting in the effort to keep everyone happy.

Thoughts?

I'm hypersensitive to others' treatment of me, I tend to overextend myself to help people close to me and I resent it when those efforts are taken for granted, and I suffer severe mood swings even under medication. Once in a long while I will freak out in a manner that most have never witnessed. It's a certified miracle that I have never been arrested.

Aside from friends from my past with whom I have occasional brief contact, very rarely in person, I have only two people on the island whom I consider friends, and each has character quirks or contradictions that challenge me constantly. I remember that my mom, who died 10 years ago, would go through months-long periods where she wouldn't talk to one or another of her closest friends, and although I don't claim to have learned that behavior, I may well have inherited the temperament that fostered it.

If I meet someone new and they give any indication that they will not treat me with the kindness and respect that I have for them, I will avoid them. Nothing that they can offer me is worth the possible consequences of the stress derived from my interaction with them.

[gina_re]

I have a small circle of friends I consider to be real friends. I have two friends from when I lived in the Midwest that I consider my best friends. Although we may not talk everyday, whenever we do talk, it's like nothing has changed. And I met these girls in 2004. And certain family members I am close to. Other than them, everybody else is an acquaintance.

[gina_re]

I start a lot of threads about friendships. I really do have issues....

[hopeless2015]

You have lots of friends here! HUGS

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Yeah, I know what you mean about people who take things the wrong way.

Part of the problem is that texts and emails are VERY easy to overanalyze, and people VERY much tend to overreact. For example, you might send a friend a text that says "Sorry. Can't go to the movies tonight. Have to babysit." Then your friend reads it and goes, "Okay... cool." Then they take the inevitable second glance, "Wait... is there some implications here?" Then they read it again, "Wait. She's attacking me! This is a personal attack! She is lying to me so that she doesn't have to go to the movies!!!" Again, they read it, "WHAT A B*TCH!!! SHE TOLD ME SHE COULD GO TO THE MOVIES, BUT NOW SHE HATES ME SO SHE WON'T GO. SHE LIED TO ME ABOUT THE MOVIE!!!! I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO HER AGAIN!!!!"

I've met some people who are so damn cynical that they literally think everything you say is a personal attack against them. (Not saying that's the case for you, but I'm just saying it pisses me off.)

Anyway, I tend to let go of friends too. I used be very close to some people, and when they pushed me away, it hurt. So, now I distance myself from everybody... except for people online (because I can trust them more, oddly enough). I'm not saying it's the right thing to do or the best way to handle it, but that's what I do.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

You have lots of friends here! HUGS

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I do love you guys. You all keep me sane!

i have learnt that any friends i make never last long, and they usually just go without an explanation.

used to it- though it's sad

my longest friend, laura, she's not even my friend now because of a religious debate that got out of hand.

[Theseus]

I have no friends either. I mean, none. In a way I like it that way. I don't think I have the ability to maintain friendships anymore. I did at one time. The closest thing I have to a friend is my boss, whom I've known for almost 31 years. I know his family, been to his daughter's wedding and other family affairs. However, if it were not for work I do not believe we would stay in touch. I could make it work because he'd always been like a big brother to me. But things changed when he remarried. It seems that his wife made her friends his friends, and distanced his old friends.