Last Night...

Guess7131 · Jun 02, 2016, 10:53 AM

So last night was a bad night for me. I can't really remember much except feeling depressed and suicidal. There was one point were i was standing on the top of a 100ft+ bridge waiting to fall off as i was drunk but of course it didn't happen.

I would have gone through with it but at the time i was going to jump, three young girls walked passed and when they walked away i couldn't climb back up as i was way too drunk.

I then proceeded to text my drug dealer at 11:30 PM for some hash as it calms me down. I walked home, Then t the atm for money then to my dealers house for cigarette papers then i walked back to my house.

I've had around 4 hours sleep, Feel fine except a little paranoid a still depressed. More times now than ever i have hallucinated a a couple times and had a minor delusion.

Does this sound like the lead up to an episode?

wildflowerchild25 · Jun 02, 2016, 01:53 PM

Well it sounds like something is going on. If you're stable you don't go standing on bridges hoping to fall/jump off.

I hope you feel better soon. Maybe try to stay away from the substances.

Guess7131 · Jun 02, 2016, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well it sounds like something is going on. If you're stable you don't go standing on bridges hoping to fall/jump off.

I hope you feel better soon. Maybe try to stay away from the substances.

I guess so. I have a doctors appointment soon i think.

pirilin · Jun 02, 2016, 07:43 PM

Oh God. The title sounded so romantic. Bummer.
Wear a lifesaver at all times.

~Christina · Jun 02, 2016, 07:55 PM

Please see you doctor asap. Is there friends you can call when your having thoughts of harming yourself?

Street drugs in general aren't going to help matters.

Stay safe

Welcome to PC

cincidak · Jun 02, 2016, 10:36 PM

Seeing your dr is great, but when your in crisis you need to call someone. Program a crisis line in your phone. Substance abuse is said to lead to worsening manic and depressive features after the drugs wear off from what I understand.

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Guess7131 · Jun 03, 2016, 03:57 PM

I shall do that next time. I am a little but worried about when i go because i do believe they will section me.

Jun 03, 2016, 04:10 PM

This is definately a serious matter. You need to see a doctor now. (((Hugs)))

Guess7131 · Jun 03, 2016, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

This is definately a serious matter. You need to see a doctor now. (((Hugs)))

I get really bad anxiety. I find it hard to leave the house unless i'm Hypomanic, Which isn't a lot of the time. Ill try my best to go to the doctors.

Jun 03, 2016, 04:43 PM

I have the same thing. But if you are leaving your house for drug scores, make seeing a doc more of a priority. Your behavior and feelings are not healthy right now and you owe it to yourself to protect yourself right away. Please call someone right away. Please stay safe.

cincidak · Jun 03, 2016, 04:55 PM

Sectioning you at this point might be the best thing for you. Get you stable so you can be happy again.

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Guess7131 · Jun 04, 2016, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cincidak

Sectioning you at this point might be the best thing for you. Get you stable so you can be happy again.

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Yeah i know, I do understand that'sit's needed sometimes. But i don't handle well in hospitals. I always end up fighting etc.

cincidak · Jun 04, 2016, 08:59 AM

Try to.look at it as a mini vacation were you have no responsibility except to get well. Every time I was in the crisis ward I almost felt relieved because I knew I was safe, and that I was going to feel better.

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Blaire · Jun 04, 2016, 10:31 AM

I get a lot of suicidal thoughts when I'm depressed or mixed, but I only act on them if I drink. My advice would be to stay sober until you can see a doctor.

Guess7131 · Jun 04, 2016, 11:03 AM

I've been depressed ever since i was 12, I then changed at 16 when my mum had a stroke. I never ever acted on these thoughts until after this. I have attempted it 7 times, 5 in Hospital 2 out of hospital.

MedicatedMe · Jun 04, 2016, 11:10 AM

I hope you get better soon! This sounds very serious since you could've accidentally (or intentionally) ended your life. I'm with everyone else on suggesting that you should see a professional ASAP since next time.. who knows?

You'll figure out what's best for yourself.

Guess7131 · Jun 04, 2016, 01:09 PM

I do plan on going to the doctors, But i get very anxious so might wait until i'm a little hypo again.

cincidak · Jun 04, 2016, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guess7131

I do plan on going to the doctors, But i get very anxious so might wait until i'm a little hypo again.

I.understand the anxiety , believe me, but if you wait till your hypo manic you may decide you are fine, or youat spiral into a worse depression. You.should go now while you know how you feel, and can be honest with the Dr. You'll be okay. I believe you can do this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MedicatedMe

I hope you get better soon! This sounds very serious since you could've accidentally (or intentionally) ended your life. I'm with everyone else on suggesting that you should see a professional ASAP since next time.. who knows?

You'll figure out what's best for yourself.

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fairydustgirl · Jun 04, 2016, 02:34 PM

I agree, you really need to see your dr, is there someone who would go with you and lend moral support so you aren't alone getting there and waiting for your turn to visit the dr?
my ex had severe anxiety/panic and I would hold his hand in the grocery store..and we were well over a foot different in height.

Guess7131 · Jun 04, 2016, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fairydustgirl

I agree, you really need to see your dr, is there someone who would go with you and lend moral support so you aren't alone getting there and waiting for your turn to visit the dr?
my ex had severe anxiety/panic and I would hold his hand in the grocery store..and we were well over a foot different in height.

I have people, I have asked my sister she said, Yes. Now she hasn't got back to me. If i can get someone that i trust to go with me i will definitely do it.

cincidak · Jun 04, 2016, 03:17 PM

I'd keep bugging her. You need peace. My prayers are with you

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Guess7131 · Jun 04, 2016, 07:43 PM

Yeah she's making me an appointment next week, I am actually starting to to turn a little hypo here.

cincidak · Jun 04, 2016, 08:10 PM

I'm glad you're going to see her. Let us all know how you're doing. When I get hypo now, which is rare, I practice Mindfulness meditation. Don't know if you've heard of it, but it can be very calming. Look it up if you'd like. It's easy to learn. I listen to calm music and meditate till I feel calm. It helps me.

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