[JustJace2u]

I'm sitting here thinking to myself, I haven't cried in 3 days, I've slept very little over the last week (maybe 3-4 hours/night). I feel jittery every so often and a few times almost felt like I was gonna pass out. Now, I'm feeling pretty good, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop as it were. I still don't know all the signs and symptoms to keep an eye on since my diagnoses are still fairly new. Just had to get that out there because I'm beginning to second guess everything

[cincidak]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

I'm sitting here thinking to myself, I haven't cried in 3 days, I've slept very little over the last week (maybe 3-4 hours/night). I feel jittery every so often and a few times almost felt like I was gonna pass out. Now, I'm feeling pretty good, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop as it were. I still don't know all the signs and symptoms to keep an eye on since my diagnoses are still fairly new. Just had to get that out there because I'm beginning to second guess everything

Sometimes I still overthink my illness. Is this my illness, or is this normal behavior? It's natural to start evaluating our behavior, I still do it, but now that I'm stable on meds and therapy I do it less. Research as much as you need to about bipolar disorder , and get comfortable in your knowledge of its symptoms. Keep a journal. I keep one to record my thoughts and emotions. Especially when I have dosage changes, or medication changes, or stressful life events. I look for positive, and negative emotional and cognitive changes. Otherwise I may not be able to tell my pdoc what works , and what doesn't. Really educate yourself, but try not to obsess. I did for a while. I don't now. I wish you the very best.

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[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by cincidak

Sometimes I still overthink my illness. Is this my illness, or is this normal behavior? It's natural to start evaluating our behavior, I still do it, but now that I'm stable on meds and therapy I do it less. Research as much as you need to about bipolar disorder , and get comfortable in your knowledge of its symptoms. Keep a journal. I keep one to record my thoughts and emotions. Especially when I have dosage changes, or medication changes, or stressful life events. I look for positive, and negative emotional and cognitive changes. Otherwise I may not be able to tell my pdoc what works , and what doesn't. Really educate yourself, but try not to obsess. I did for a while. I don't now. I wish you the very best.

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Thanks for this. I come from a family where my dad is a doctor, so I tend to obsess about anything medical and/or health related. The fact that we now have things like Google to easily do a search sometimes can make it worse because then I feel like I'm self-diagnosing, if that makes sense. I know it's all new and I need to give it time, but I just keep asking myself 'why me? and why now at 42 years old?' It's hard enough living with a disability that I was born with, now I have this to add to my plate. Sorry, I just don't know what to do. I wanna cry but the tears won't come for some reason. I can feel my heart racing and feeling shaky. UGH!!!

[cincidak]

I've been there. It just takes time. You'll become very familiar with your illness at some point, and hopefully you'll be able to work with your pdoc any time things change, so that you maintain stability. I don't know if you are taking any medications, but they could be the reason you can't cry. That happened to me on one of the meds they tried. I became emotionally flat. Now I'm fine. They found the right cocktail to get me stable. If you are taking meds, and it's been more than six weeks, and you're still having problems then it's time to call your pdoc. I usually notice a change fairly quickly, and then I might need dose increases as my body adjusts, but everyone is different.

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[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by cincidak

I've been there. It just takes time. You'll become very familiar with your illness at some point, and hopefully you'll be able to work with your pdoc any time things change, so that you maintain stability. I don't know if you are taking any medications, but they could be the reason you can't cry. That happened to me on one of the meds they tried. I became emotionally flat. Now I'm fine. They found the right cocktail to get me stable. If you are taking meds, and it's been more than six weeks, and you're still having problems then it's time to call your pdoc. I usually notice a change fairly quickly, and then I might need dose increases as my body adjusts, but everyone is different.

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I see my psychiatrist about every 4 weeks at the moment, not sure if/when that may change, considering how new all of this is to me. I think I was just sad when he and I last met that I really didn't let anything he was saying sink in, even though I knew the possibility of my being diagnosed was higher than average because of family history. You asked about meds...yes, I am currently taking 1-2 .5mg Xanax every night, 3mg Vraylar 1x/day, 450mg Forfivo 1x/day (similar to Wellbutrin), 10mg Adderall 2x/day (morning and afternoon).

[cincidak]

Are you not taking a mood stabilizer? You are bipolar correct? Maybe call your pdoc and ask for dose increase of the Forvivo?

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[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by cincidak

Are you not taking a mood stabilizer? You are bipolar correct? Maybe call your pdoc and ask for dose increase of the Forvivo?

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He said it's BP2 w/ MDD as well I believe. I need to get more clarification and a copy of my records from his office. I'm just so confused and scared. I see him next week.