Bipolar and unfaithfulness

Are people with bipolar disorder more likely to be unfaithful to their partner because of mania/hypomania?

Have you ever been unfaithful to somebody you truly love while manic?

Has someone ever been unfaithful to you while they were manic?

I have never been unfaithful to anybody, even when tempted. And I honestly never would. It's my number one moral in life and I take it very seriously. My girlfriend was hypomanic (bipolar 2) when she first got to college and developed a drinking/partying problem before I met her, and had 20 one night stands. Obviously this hurts me very much, as it is always something I have seen as sacred. She's such a good loyal person, and she says she would absolutely never cheat on me, and that what we have is what she has always wanted, and she would never waste it especially since she already experienced meaningless hookups. I am afraid that if she becomes hypomanic at any point in our lives (if we last a long time) bad things might happen. I really have a hard time trusting, and her circumstance and diagnosis makes it more difficult. She's on lamactil but I don't think that would prevent any mania.

What are your thoughts on this subject in general or from experience?

Years ago, at age 19, I cheated on a boyfriend who I cared for deeply. I was definately Hypo.

I consider myself a very honest and faithful person, but it did happen once and I think anything is possible as far as it happening again. I'd bet against it, but I never say never.

I do believe mania can cause otherwise faithful people to stray. This pisses some people with bipolar off as they do not believe bipolar causes these things and see it more of a moral issue to judge. Some get mad because they think it gives BP a bad name. I say, we all experience this illness in unique ways.

This illness has had me do things I cannot believe I would do. I'm always scared I will do something to ruin my relationship. I love my husband with all my heart. One time, I talked to an old boyfriend when things in the relationship with my husband were strained. I had an emotional affair over 3 phone calls and then came to my senses, came down off the agitated high I was on and admitted what happened to my husband. He forgave me thank goodness. Not my finest moment but I'm glad it didn't go farther.

I've never ever been unfaithful to anyone. But interestingly enough every single one of my relationships prior to my current husband ended because my significant other cheated on me. Once I got my Dx looking back I started blaming this on myself, assuming that my erratic behavior made me impossible to live with and drove them to cheat on me.

My experiences are very similar to ElsaMars.

I had an emotional affair, and also a friendship that ended after a one night fling while married and both times in a manic state...it wasn't entirely because of the bp, the marriage was already in trouble (it died a very slow death) but I didn't have the inhibition I would have had normally to keep myself from doing any of those things...I was vulnerable to attention because of the troubles and uninhibited by the mania. I don't entirely regret either although ending both affairs caused me to have breakdowns, one of which put me in the hospital. However, the love I was getting was worth it because there was no love at home. it made me realize what exactly I was missing.

I appreciate all of your honesty. Obviously it's really not what I'd like to hear, which is a bummer. Is there anything you can tell me that you know now looking back that would've maybe prevented that? My girlfriend is still young and maybe with the right advice for the future if she ever gets hypo and loses her inhibitions, it will help her not do something she will regret.

Being in a committed relationship where my partner is always around if I'm out helps. If she learns to recognize her mania symptoms early on, she can work at controlling her behavior or work with a PDOC on a med adjustment. I told my doctor about my emotional affair and he said "that's not so bad" and I replied, I don't want to cheat on my husband! I was really concerned. For the most part, as long as you both have good communication surrounding her moods and feelings, and just overall a quality relationship, I believe strongly that your girlfriend can remain faithful in the future. Just encourage her to continue seeing her doctor. I've been in my current relationship for 13 years and have remained faithful physically and except for 3 phone calls, emotionally. Good luck to you both. A good relationship can be very rewarding and I wish you the best.

That is really nice of you. Thank you so much.

Part of me really believes when she looks me in the eyes and tells me she would never do anything to hurt me. She knows how I have been hurt in the past and she knows I am sensitive about her past as well. She's an amazing girl and I guess my own anxieties are my problem. She's the type of person who is intelligent, but is impulsive, so not always wise. I guess that makes me a little uneasy. But I don't think that necessarily means she would do anything to put our love in jepordy considering how much it means to her.

My mom is bipolar and untreated cheated on my dad for years. Maybe knowing how it damaged us kids and my father I have never and will never cheat on anyone. Mania be damned it will never happen.

Soooo...your girlfriend had 20 one night stands BEFORE you met her. What do you have to be hurt about? She wasn't with you, so she didn't cheat on you. Was she with someone else or something at the time of the one night stands? If that's the case, it's different, because she has a pattern of infidelity, but if she was single, who cares?
People cheat, with or without bipolar. It's not fair at all to give her a hard time for something that happened before you. Obviously she trusted you enough to tell you, it's not fair for you to throw it back in her face.
It's time to put on your big girl/boy panties on and suck it up.

Being polyamorous has nothing to do with bipolar. I hope.
Cheating is a nasty word. I call it spreading the love.

I've never cheated. During mania or not. My husband has cheated though .
Maybe it's both sides you should be worried about

I've never physically cheated, but I have gotten into sexting with other guys on-line, even sending pictures back and forth (nothing pornographic, just regular pics). I'm not proud of it, but I will admit it was arousing. I did it pretty much for that. There is no doubt that I did this mostly when I was manic and horny. But when it got a little too intense and there was talk from the other guy of meeting up, I'd break off contact. I haven't done that in a long time, and don't plan to any time soon. I probably would have pursued one of the contacts if I were single, but I am married (same sex).

I've never cheated on the wife before. But I do have to admit the thoughts have been there before but I never acted on them because I love her and value our relationship. However, I do like the poly lifestyle and would be open to it if she would be willing to explore it... I guess it's a have your cake and eat it too kind of thing. But outside of that consensual arrangement I would never cheat on her.

The only time I cheated was when my husband at the time was already cheating on me. That marriage ended disastrously. Other than that I never cheated, mania or not.

Bipolar has never caused me to be unfaithful either.


There are definitely some people who swear they had no control, but my response to that is self awareness and responsibility.


If you see shyt is going down hill, tell someone, ask for help.


I used to cause disaster with spending though.


So when my hypo is reaching a certain point, and I have this longing to have something (which turns into everything) I have my bf or brother confiscate all access to money or credit. Except for what I need to spend on travelling or smokes.


Self awareness, accountability, responsibility and a game plan can go a long way.

The first online affair, I was not diagnosed with anything and had no idea anything was wrong with me. So no medicine or doctors or a diagnosis to help me out, I was just out there. Home life was bad, neglected, ignored, put down...I had anxiety through the roof from my XH. The online part was me in a bubble, where life was an illusion of 'happy'. My ability to make rational decisions was gone. It was months before I was diagnosed and only then because I had major breakdown.

The second time I had been physically abandoned, XH found a job in another state completely, in addition to the other stuff that was ongoing. That abandonment was on purpose after being me being diagnosed 4 years earlier with bipolar and it not being completely under control. He could not watch me in my depressed episodes without becoming extraordinarily angry and frustrated with me. I was not doing 'enough' to get healthy or 'fix' myself, in his opinion...despite him not reading the copious amounts of books and pamphlets gathered in the house regarding my issues. BTW he did the same thing regarding my hearing loss and need for a hearing aid. he sabotaged every conversation and then got angry when I misunderstood him.

All of these problems in my household ended up causing me to finally ask for a divorce once my mood issues were under control and I could make rational decisions. We had tried marriage counseling 5 times by that point. It was never going to work because his mindset was concreted in the idea that I had always chosen everything that happened, including sitting on the couch and falling asleep in midconversation ( a med side effect ).

I am going to say, I never searched out affairs, I wasn't in any positions to be finding affair partners. I made friends that it became stronger in the emotional attachments. If I had not vulnerable in the first place, and been treated correctly with medicine for my bipolar illness, those things probably would not have happened.

Everyone is different, their symptoms, reactions to meds is different, their mindset and strength is different. I never thought in the 20 years prior to my illness that I would ever have done anything like what happened to me.

Hopefully, your gf, with proper knowledge, treatment and loving guidance and support from you will never have to worry about cheating. It's not a foregone conclusion...In my case I have never been on spending sprees or gambling ventures where I lost tons of money. So not everything on the list is a symptom that everyone is going to face when they have bipolar disorder.
I hope this helps explain a little better

Before I was formally diagnosed and treated for Bipolar, I was on antidepressants that would make undiagnosed mania worse. During this time, I was unfaithful in a relationship. Once I "came down" from it, I felt very remorseful and looked back thinking how that is not something I would have ever done have I not been manic. Once I was diagnosed and treated properly with medication, there hasn't been any time I've been unfaithful while in a committed relationship. As far as your second question goes, I don't think anyone has been unfaithful to me while manic. At least no one ever admitted it to me if they did in fact cheat. There's never been any reason for me to believe that anyone has been unfaithful to me, although I get paranoid sometimes that they might.

By the way, Lamictal has been shown to prevent mania if you start it while stable on another medication. That's what it's supposed to do: help prevent episodes rather than treat acute mania. Some symptoms are still there, but it helps alleviate them. Of course, like any medication, it isn't for everyone, but I'm Bipolar 1 with history of manic episodes, and find it to be effective in helping prevent full-blown mania, or at least reduce symptoms, with the help of my other meds. Hopefully, the Lamictal will help her. I did find that medication made a difference in my ability to stay faithful. I hope things work out with both of you. Best wishes

Mental illness of any kind is not an excuse for any ******y actions. Even in the throes of a hell of a mania I never would consider it. My first husband cheated on me so yeah I would never do that, I know how it almost destroyed me...As Trippin already said..... Self awareness and asking for help !

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I think that not putting one's self in riskier situations is a factor, too. Don't go to the local Pick up bar, don't look up people you've had a relationship in the past to "reconnect ", etc. Maybe easier said than done during mania but simply not putting yourself in the environment is significant.

For example, I have spent thousands on manic shopping sprees. It was as good as done as soon as I went into one of my favorite retail shops.

I don't think Bipolar alone can be blamed for unfaithfulness. But I think having a manic episode makes it more difficult to stay faithful if there are already problems in the relationship and you're already feeling tempted.

I'll admit I have been married four times and unfaithful to three of them. And before those marriages and in between them I was promiscuous. If you knew my history, it would probably make sense.

But all of the unfaithfulness occurred during manic episodes. I take full responsibility, manic or not. There were problems in those relationships where there was infidelity from the other person or not feeling my needs were met. I think I wanted to hurt them, because they hurt me, too. Because mentally, I was like 8 years old.

I am remarried for the fourth time and I did have a manic meltdown and was unfaithful a couple of years ago. I thought for sure I was leaving him anyway, but we worked through it and it's the first time in my life that I know with certainty I will never be unfaithful again. I was finally able to see just how much pain I caused with my actions and I would never ever put anyone through it again. I also have a deeper, trusting, more spiritual and respectful relationship with my current husband. I never had that before.

I think, ultimately, not having your needs met (emotional, physical, mental...whatever it is you need) leaves a door open to be tempted. And being in a manic state makes it just a little easier to walk through it.But if the relationship is strong, it can easily withstand the manic times with faithfulness.

With me, going into mania, I did cheat on my spouse and made very irrational decisions too. I think they call it hyper-sexual during a manic episode. I am back on Lamictal and it seems to help me, so I wouldn't worry about that. I would try and talk to her and try to get her help; not because she would cheat, but because she would need help.

I know it is hard but it will be ok, friend.