[notthisagain]

Ugh. After six months of managing to drag myself to work without it, I re-applied for intermittent FMLA because I've really got to try to get this under control before I have to go out on short-term again. My pdoc is changing my meds around and I don't know if it's the meds or the bipolar depression that is making me this tired. He did have me try Risperdal but it turned me into a zombie and I felt like I was going to fall asleep on the way to work. I have no words for this level of fatigue. I felt dead on the inside. Now I am on a low dose of Elavil along with my other meds and I cannot tell yet if it is working.

What's really frustrating is that my bf understands none of this. It's vital to me that I get enough sleep so that I can function the next day. I finally told him that he has to sleep at his own place because he wakes up at 5am to go to work. It wakes me up and then I cannot fall back asleep. The one night he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, came back into the bedroom, turned the light on, and flopped back onto the bed. When he's getting ready for work, he carried on because he can't find his phone or whatever. I can't take this. He had been calling me and texting and I haven't responded. He seems to think that just because he can stay up late and get up in the morning that I should be able to, too. He's constantly criticizing me for taking meds and doing what I can to take care of myself. I have just had it.

I'm sorry you are so frustrated. I do believe he should sleep at his own place until he can begin respecting your needs. Some people need more sleep than others and the quick sleepers always think everyone can do what they do which isn't accurate. Good luck.

[Daonnachd]

I totally understand your frustration. I hope he sees the light.

[notthisagain]

The more I think about this, the angrier I get. I honestly don't think that if bf hasn't tried to understand up until this point, he ever will. He's convinced that the meds I am taking are as bad as heroin, yet he drinks a lot and he has friends that take pills just to get f'ed up. No amount of reasoning (these are not opiates, etc) will get through to him. I've told him that I have a notoriously hard time sleeping and I have had some really bad nightmares lately and he says that's because I don't believe in God and I need to go to church. (That's another thing that I have tried to explain to no avail. I am agnostic. I am sure that there is something out there but I believe that no one really has the definitive answer on what that is, at least not in this lifetime anyway.) He just doesn't understand the level of fatigue I feel. As in, no amount of coffee is going to help. I am getting worried because I am starting to lose my appetite and this happens to me when I get depressed. Then it's about what he wants. "I want this. I want that. I am hungry. Can you make me something to eat? and on and on." He is 44 years old. This is hard enough to deal with without feeling like I am raising a g*ddamn child on top of it. I made him a couple of music CDs that I thought he would like and instead of being gracious and saying thank you, he was criticizing some of the songs that I put on it. Same with a photocollage that I made him. I wonder why I put forth the time and effort. Give an inch, take a freaking mile. I think he needs to stay away from me before I completely lose it.