On Edge for a Good Reason

Abstract: The family may be moving to a city and this has me on edge.

Details: My wife got a call last night that the administrator of a hospital network would like her to apply for the assistant position. This will pay ~60-70K and greatly increase our household income.

Complications: She will either have to commute 90 minutes each way or we move. Our boys would end up going to a boarding school if we move, and we'll be further from the coast.

Conclusion: As much as this could benefit us, I am rather torn up about it. I don't want to move farther from the ocean. I don't want to live in a city. I don't want to live where it's horribly hot. (That goes with proximity to the ocean.) I don't want to live where it's flat.

Request: Help me find peace while we are in process on this.

This sounds like a complicated situation. Hugs!

Does your wife want the job or is the money the motivating factor for potentially getting the position? Is your family struggling financially where you are at the moment or are you doing okay in your current circumstances?

Yeah, we're struggling. She's currently undervalued and underpaid. I'm only working 10-20 hours per week, so I hardly figure into the finances.

I don't know that I have good advice, but I can relate. That sounds a lot like my situation. My husband is the breadwinner and I throw in a couple crumbs. But the crumbs keep us from sinking. But only just barely.

We both know he's capable of making more and that if I wasn't weighed down with a mental illness and other health issues, I could bring in more income. But he loves his job and I realistically can't do more than I am.

We sat down and figured out all of the cuts we could make, every penny. Can we lower our cell phone bill, cable bill, expenses like eating out, etc...

We figured out the bare minimum we need and then we accepted that it was worth being happy with our jobs and life while minimally stressing about money. The bills are paid, we aren't starving, but we have no savings and can't take vacations or order Chinese every week. It's a little stressful, but not as stressful as uprooting our lives to make more money.

We're not sinking, but we're not swimming either. We're standing still for now. We've accepted that's good enough for now.

Good luck with your journey through this!

I don't know what to live away from the ocean is. Or away from a beach.
But I know what boarding school can do to kids. I'd rather starve.

Hi vertigo,

I think I understand your concerns.

It sounds like you feel much more at peace in the setting where you now reside?

I would be very upset if I suddenly had to move to a city. I am not wired to live in cities. It was okay when I did it for awhile when I was younger; yet, even then I had to eventually leave and go back into more quiet, more rural settings. It's not long before I feel overwhelmed with sensory stimuli in cities. I love to visit cities once in awhile. I cannot live there for any length of time, however.

Sometimes, there is enough household income and it's not most important nor in best interests to take promotions. Other times, the promotion is welcomed and helps people with current finances, as well as allows for future financial planning.

You had mentioned the new position is approx. 90 minute drive each way. Is there any possibility of living outside of the city in which your wife may be working? Maybe somewhere on the outskirts of the city?

It sounds like you and your wife (and family) have lots to consider.

Please take it slow. Let us know how things are going?

My Best to You and to Your Family,
WC

I agree with Wild Coyote. You can look for s place in tje suburbs. I live about ten minutes from a large downtown area. Its nice.and quiet. Also there are bond to be good local schools in the suburbs so the kids dont have to go to boarding school.

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Yeah, I've looked at some options in the outskirts. Rural hills might make it easier to live away from the ocean.

I'm sure I'll get used to this. Of course, I'll also have to find a new hospital for ECT treatments.