When asked, "How can I help you?". What's your reply?

I either say "I need a hug" / "I need you to hold me for a while" or "I really need to be left alone until further notice"

ask for a hug.
bizi

He loves you a lot, to sit there with you. He feels helpless, and will supply what you need. He is very caring.

Men like to solve things. They (in my experience) don't like to have to guess our needs. When I am asked how he may help, I tell him. Or I tell him even before he asks.

"Honey, today I am feeling scared for no reason, could you not worry about me and just be your regular happy self, I will tell you if I need something different".

"Sweet, I need a hug, and I don't know why"!

"Do not ask me how I am today, I am angry for no reason and I don't want to latch onto something I am not upset about and cause some problems".

That is how we both treat each other. We are up front honest, and direct. We fill each others needs. Sometimes I am repressing and do not know how to get to my emotions, and he digs around in me until I am upset and hollering or crying defeatedly and he responds correctly. He doesn't take it personally when I am picking fights (usually) and comforts me when I tell him I need it (usually). My husband isn't overly affectionate, and I like that. He is a rock in my churning sea, and I appreciate his attempts - and when he fubs it, I clarify.

Whenever I have good days, I am extra nice. I am usually nice nearly every day. I laugh at his jokes, and listen to his boring science facts. I comment back about the height of the lawn, and give him space when he needs it.

Our idea is, if we each try to make the other happy - we will both be happy in each other.

If you don't know how to answer him, tell him. "My emotions are so confused, I don't even know what I want. Thank you for caring. <3's "

It sounds like he really does want to help your world be a happier, healthier place, and that is a great thing.

Thank you.

Yes, he does truly love me. I am grateful.

I am going to copy and paste your reply along with others in my journal so that I can refer back. For me, these things take practice. These responses will be very helpful!

Great thread topic. Thanks to all participating!

My husband is my biggest supporter.
He is also challenged with BP2.
He was diagnosed before we'd married. I had not been diagnosed yet.
He is very stable and does well. He can better tolerate meds and they are more effective for him than for me. I need lots of med trials, have lots of med reactions, etc.

We understand one another's needs and support one another.

Neither of our extended families are very supportive at all. Lots of MI in both families. Hubby and I stand by one another and keep one another on the right track. We know when to draw closer and when to give each other more space. We share a lot, don't judge one another and just truly love and care for each other.

And yes... "Love" (of any type) makes a huge difference!



WC

Thanks to everyone for their answers. I am listening and learning so much from you all.

Firstly, when I need a hug, I will ask for one! I have felt ashamed of my moods and feelings believing that they made me a week person. Thus conveying them made me feel vulnerable. I must realize that my husband IS on my team and will not neither judge, criticize, or condemn me. I'll definitely take into consideration the fact that he is NOT a mind reader. I think that a lot, and it just makes me angry at him as I believe him to be cold and uncaring. The truth is, he is just unaware of my needs. We show kindness and love towards one another. Communication is a work in progress. I know that at times I will still suffer silently, Bipolar & BPD are complex, confusing, and absolutely frightening.

I am told by my parents and some friends that if allow myself to relate to the symptoms than I have succumb to having the illness. I am called a negative person when I i can identify with the symptoms. They know I have been diagnosed by more than one doctor, they see my visible scars, yet remain clueless. So, I bottle it up and feel even worse about myself. This is how it has been. Since I've begun educating myself I feel that recognizing the disorders leans more towards empowerment. In recognizing my behaviors I can hopefully develop coping mechanisms.

I am grateful that my husband doesn't mock me. I finally have someone that can help me fight in this struggle. I'm not used to this AT ALL! Someone I can actually talk to about this stuff. I know that even if he doesn't completely understand, at least he is listening.

(((((( CAVEGIRL ))))))
Awesome Post!
Love and Support

I made a plan when I was well of things that I need. When I'm doing really badly, my husband cooks and takes care of my son so that I can go into another room and do things to reduce my emotional distress, things that I use to try to stay as well as possible even if that's still terrible.