[Gabyunbound]

I think that's what it's called?

I easily get down on myself, berate myself, or feel bad whether it's about job performance or the very fact of having so much anxiety, or other things. I know it really hinders me (and I know I should get myself a therapist!), but I was wondering what kinds of things you tell yourself that make you feel better if and when you get like this. I know how I feel is exaggerated sometimes, not 100% 'true' and yet...

So what helps you? What do you say to yourself, what mantras do you have, etc.? I try "I'm doing the best I can" and find it somewhat to moderately helpful... I'd love more ideas!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Gabyunbound: Well... the Skeezyks is a master at self-denigration. And every bit of it is well deserved! (Is it negative self-talk if all of the bad things you think about yourself are actually true? I don't know...) Personally, I don't tell myself anything, to try to make myself feel better, simply because I know all of the bad things I think about myself ARE true. I simply strive to accept myself just as I am... with compassion...

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I think that's what it's called?

I easily get down on myself, berate myself, or feel bad whether it's about job performance or the very fact of having so much anxiety, or other things. I know it really hinders me (and I know I should get myself a therapist!), but I was wondering what kinds of things you tell yourself that make you feel better if and when you get like this. I know how I feel is exaggerated sometimes, not 100% 'true' and yet...

So what helps you? What do you say to yourself, what mantras do you have, etc.? I try "I'm doing the best I can" and find it somewhat to moderately helpful... I'd love more ideas!

I'm that way too, unfortunately. Self-talk is helpful....trying to catch yourself and challenge some of your thoughts, like: Am I being rational right now? Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Reminding yourself to "stay in the moment" instead of jumping to conclusions about the future through self-talk can be helpful. Look up Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)...there's a lot handouts/info online, and they can help with reframing negative thoughts to think more positively. It's a challenge and takes lots of practice. Hell, I have a lot of work to do, but self-talk has been shown to be very effective.

I recommend "The Mindful Way Workbook" - especially if you don't have a therapist at the moment. It's aimed exactly at what you are describing - the negative rumination that often results in - and is the product of - downward spiraling. Rather than talk yourself out of your feelings, which in my experience is quite difficult if not impossible (why can't I stop thinking about x! what's wrong with me! things will never change! I hate myself! etc. etc.), the goal is to return to the present moment and simply acknowledge and accept them. The methods have helped me a lot with anxiety.

[boogiesmash]

I just bought a book on self esteem and it calls your inner voice the critic. I haven't finished it yet and only on chapter 2 but it has helped. Chapter one described why your inner voice berated you and it's continuous talk is reinforced. It had an exercise at the end to write down critical statements your inner voice said and why it says it. Chapter two is quieting the critic and it so far has helped. The book is called : Self-Esteem: A proven program of cognitive techniques for assessing, improving and maintaining your self-esteem. I recommend it and I'm only on chapter 2.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi,

I had just happened to be drawn to "Mindfulness teachings" as a part of my spiritual discipline approx. 30 years ago. I am now grateful, as I have needed these teachings/skills to persevere and to, at times, excel while facing severe challenges.

These teach much about Present Moment, Impermanence. Anger, Compassion (including self-compassion), Gratitude, Love and much more.

I encourage anyone to begin learning, or expand upon learning, Mindfulness teachings. It can feel a bit overwhelming at first; however, there are many more resources available with each passing year.

I have since discovered Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D., has created a form of therapy called "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy," where she utilizes many of these teachings.

An article on Marsha M. Linehan: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/he...anted=all&_r=0

DBT trained therapists and some additional resources are listed here:
http://behavioraltech.org

You might enjoy DBT Self Help, a site run by people learning DBT.
The site teaches DBT skills.

If you do a web search: "DBT free online" -- you will likely find more resources than you may ever need.

You may find both/either CBT/DBT helpful.
It's helpful to engage with a DBT/CBT therapist; however, much of the work is practicing the skills.

You might also enjoy Tara Brach's youtube talks on "Self-Compassion."
A search of Tara's Self-Compassion youtubes will be fruitful.

Tara is just one of many Mindfulness teachers. There are many. The key is to find the teacher(s) with whom you personally resonate. My earliest mentor was Thich Nhat Hanh and while many do not resonate with him, others do.
Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield, Lama Surya Das are some of the many other teachers.

(Just FWIW: It's not necessary to change one's religious beliefs in order to learn helpful Mindfulness teachings. In fact, Mindfulness teachers encourage people to remain within their own paradigm of religious teachings.)

I hope something I have shared will be helpful.


WC

[pirilin]

I simply have another person inside my brain that come out to tell me I should have done differently.
Then we start a conversation. It's still me. But with a different point of view. Sometimes I convince the other party, sometimes I'm convinced by it. But it's still me thinking there is another person and the other person, me, thinks there is another person too.

[MusicLover82]

I like to do what Louise Hay calls "mirror work" where I say affirmations and encouragement to myself in the mirror. It sounds hokey, but it really helps when I feel stressed and I need reassurance. I'm sure it would help with positive self-talk, too. Check out Louise Hay for some good affirmations. She's a new age guru, but you don't have to ascribe to all the new age stuff to benefit from her teachings.

[~Christina]

Mindfulness and using the jar coping skill is very helpful.

Jar coping ... Its really about writing down on slips of paper what is good in you and your life. It can be hard to start with, I asked my husband or people I know for things from there point of view..

Examples:

I have great hair
I always am around if someone needs to talk.
My home is always in order.
I am pretty ( tough one for me)
I love to read novels.. Maybe re reading one ,
When was the last time I did something just for me, have a fancy cupcake ?

Any way...you can also goggle ideas..

So when your having a day or a week that your feeling like a useless lump of whatever , Pull out a slip.. Sure you might not believe it at that moment .. But it just might help out a bit

[Gabyunbound]

Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate it, I have so many tools in my tool box now!

I really like the Jar idea. I go through a tough time with negative self talk too. Sometimes it helps me just to talk about my issues. Having someone who cares and listens can be the most helpful.

I'm glad you added some coping mechanisms to your toolbox. Thanks to this post, I have as well. Thank you for your post. (((Hugs)))

Great ideas here.

I really struggle with negative self-talk too. I'd never talk to someone else like that! It gets downright vicious when mixed.

One thing that comes to mind (from therapy years ago) is to banish the word "should". Ok, maybe not banish it, lol, but to become aware about it. SOOO many times we "should all over ourselves" adding unnecessary burden and boy doesn't that negative self-talk have a field day when we're failing to meet (what turn out to be unreasonable) expectations!!

(Examining "should" can help restore a feeling of control too. We choose what is actually important instead of being tossed in every direction and running ourselves ragged with shoulds.)

These are basic but I tell myself:

Things ARE okay. They may not feel okay right now, but things are okay and will be okay.

Even though I can barely deal with how awful/low I feel right now - I know this will pass at some point. Bipolar disorder guarantees that it will change.

I have various mini-strategies but those are my two big ones.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Great ideas here.

I really struggle with negative self-talk too. I'd never talk to someone else like that! It gets downright vicious when mixed.

One thing that comes to mind (from therapy years ago) is to banish the word "should". Ok, maybe not banish it, lol, but to become aware about it. SOOO many times we "should all over ourselves" adding unnecessary burden and boy doesn't that negative self-talk have a field day when we're failing to meet (what turn out to be unreasonable) expectations!!

(Examining "should" can help restore a feeling of control too. We choose what is actually important instead of being tossed in every direction and running ourselves ragged with shoulds.)

IZ.. Thank you so much for this I will add this to my toolbox.