[Icare dixit]

How would you describe the family dynamics when you grew up (or now, if it still affects you)?

Was it a healthy environment to grow up in? What roles did your parents or siblings have/play in these (maybe different/separate) dynamics?

If you have one or more siblings how did they influence your development and you theirs?

Were you adopted?

What has the impact of all this been on your development and has it played a part in the onset/emergence of your BP?

I'll answer my own questions in a separate post.

I grew up in a very stable family environment. My parents are now 85 and 81 and have been married for 63 years. I have two older sisters and we got along pretty well. (My middle sister passed away 5 years ago.) We were a family that always ate together, played together, sang together, and worshipped together, and I have taken those family values into my own family as an adult. I think have that root stability is probably the main reason I have gotten through everything that has happened to me, including dealing with bipolar disorder, and come out of it in pretty good shape. Having that stability in life as a foundation has been my greatest strength and support.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

How would you describe the family dynamics when you grew up (or now, if it still affects you)?

What has the impact of all this been on your development and has it played a part in the onset/emergence of your BP?.

Childhood from hell, with lots of abuse and alcohol in it. Yes, it affected me. Not so much now. Siblings were combatants, not close to them at all. It's how my parents raised us -- not to trust each other or "outsiders."

I've made my own family and don't need my bio family for anything -- besides, they stopped contacting me when I went on disability and told them there wasn't any more money for them to get!

i can't really respond to this thread, since talking about my family are a huge trigger for me.

all i'll say is that my upbringing impacted me in a very bad way

my parents constantly made sure they know i was useless, knew i was unloved, and never gave me what i needed to survive childhood (7 and 8 years old without toys, it's disgusting)

the biggist impact it's had though, is probably associating talking about myself- and my feelings with abuse

it does not matter who it is.. but i'm constantly aware that if i say 1 word about how i'm feeling, i'll be abused some way (like my parents always used to do)

even if that person is in another country.. it's really awkward for me

[Coconutzo]

My family tried. They were loving in outward and affectionate ways. My folks were both also depressed and resentful.
I grew up being told that children should be seen and not heard. I would only tell them things they could brag about to their friends who were over often, drinking. Both of my parents are hardcore alcoholics, mentally ill and in denial of both. My mom is bipolar(I'm guessing here) alternating between garish and flirty behavior(busy hands busy hands) and crying fits telling me how much I ruined her life. My dad has always been wildly depressed. I spent every weekend of my childhood watching him get wasted and talk about killing himself. (While my mother chattered on in the background about God knows what)
My mother was always angry and dismissive.
I have a brother. He got slapped a lot. He stopped caring for himself as a teenager, no bathing, no deodorant, no motivation. My parents did nothing. He eventually joined the military and has a decent life, even though he got discharged for not taking care of himself. We aren't close, mainly because he took his anger out on me as a teenager.
I started falling apart at sixteen. Starving myself And exercising three hours a day while going to school and working. I passed out at work. No sweat from mom and dad. I got arrested the following year for a horrible bout of "criminal mischief", about 20,000 in damages done. Cutting, screaming, taking drugs.No sweat from mom and dad. I felt so violent. For years this went on. Stability, inertia and then flare ups of horrific behavior. Running away from my life and leaving them with the bill. Hitchhiking cross country. Suicide attempts. Huge credit card bills. Starting and not finishing school on every topic imaginable.Running back across the country. Being brought home bloody by the cops.Still no sweat from mom and dad.
I don't know if they were too drunk to notice, or just in denial. Either way, it forced me to develop excellent coping mechanisms. I've always had to deal with things on my own. So I do. It has caused me to be wary of meds to a certain degree because I've always figured it out without. What I have learned though, is that on them I can hold onto the people in my life. That's new.
I keep a distance from my family and don't share my struggles. They never supported me before, why ask now?

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[Luciferscorpse]

My father used to and still yell at us whenever we do something wrong, mostly on super mere mistakes. Yet I can't deny he buys us all we want and often treats us well.
My parents got divorced when I was 12, and of course it was very stressful. Both of them put the blame on the other, tried to brainwash us to hate the other. I was confused, my brother wasn't really affected as he chose my father's side since day one.
I have a year-younger brother. We used to get along pretty well, however, in the past few years I became more and more isolated. We still have a good relationship but it's just not as before.
My father remarried days later, a mother of 3, one of them was handicapped. She bore my younger brother too. When my mother remarried a year later, I had to move and live with my father, which destroyed me more than their divorce. My father kept telling me your mother doesn't love you, she chose her life over you. I didn't believe him, simply those words broke me. Anyway, my both parents got divorced from their new partners.

I think the main reason behind my cold-heartedness is that I built a wall around myself through being apathetic. The amount of pain I went through at young age -mainly from people I loved- forced me to hate the fact I love them and even felt at the fist place, thus I gradually stop feeling any emotions as the years passed. It was unintentional though, I created this assumption looking back at my childhood. I guess my brain decided to disable the "feel" button either because it had hurt me or so that I wouldn't feel hurt at all.

P.S.: I realized you were asking about Bipolar when I got to the last question -I didn't know BP stood for bipolar- *laughs at herself*

[raspberrytorte]

I had a good childhood. Loving parents. My sister and I were very close. We all were. No problems. I had anxiety and some twitchy paranoia issues, but no depression or anything.

When I was eighteen a traumatic thing happened to me, my parents became verbally abusive and just mean to me about the traumatic event that happened to me.

So the traumatic event and subsequent (and yes I know I probably spelled that wrong) triggered my mood issues.

They viewed the traumatic event as my fault.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by Luciferscorpse

My father used to and still yell at us whenever we do something wrong, mostly on super mere mistakes. Yet I can't deny he buys us all we want and often treats us well.
My parents got divorced when I was 12, and of course it was very stressful. Both of them put the blame on the other, tried to brainwash us to hate the other. I was confused, my brother wasn't really affected as he chose my father's side since day one.
I have a year-younger brother. We used to get along pretty well, however, in the past few years I became more and more isolated. We still have a good relationship but it's just not as before.
My father remarried days later, a mother of 3, one of them was handicapped. She bore my younger brother too. When my mother remarried a year later, I had to move and live with my father, which destroyed me more than their divorce. My father kept telling me your mother doesn't love you, she chose her life over you. I didn't believe him, simply those words broke me. Anyway, my both parents got divorced from their new partners.

I think the main reason behind my cold-heartedness is that I built a wall around myself through being apathetic. The amount of pain I went through at young age -mainly from people I loved- forced me to hate the fact I love them and even felt at the fist place, thus I gradually stop feeling any emotions as the years passed. It was unintentional though, I created this assumption looking back at my childhood. I guess my brain decided to disable the "feel" button either because it had hurt me or so that I wouldn't feel hurt at all.

P.S.: I realized you were asking about Bipolar when I got to the last question -I didn't know BP stood for bipolar- *laughs at herself*

That's alright. Have you been diagnosed with another mental disorder?

[Icare dixit]

My father manipulated/coaxed/trained me in being very derisive about my crazy mum (and other relatives). My mother was manipulative in her own way and well, crazy , a bit less than I am now. My father drank quite a lot. Less so now. My father tried to do anything to keep me from being like my mother and had from a early age convinced me, and made me identify with extreme rationality, that I wasn't and that craziness is of course, a choice. Any troubles were a choice I made and my mother was to blame. Both were verbally abusive and manipulative and my father was physically abusive, mildly but impressive enough at a young age. He threatened me more often with physical abuse though (not verbally).

I still probably don't realise the extent it affected me. The love of my parents was extremely conditional and they manipulated me and I learned to effectively hate myself. But I didn't realise it and I've forgotten (and repressed) a lot of it.

It comes back to me very slowly, bit by bit. Obviously not the nice bits.

It's the manipulation which might even make a perfectly sane child disturbed.

Edit:
I forgot: actually it has. Because my sister also became like me and then also turned against me and my mother. She is as far removed from being BP as can be. She does see a therapist regularly. Also because my borderline craziness (of course hadn't fully blossomed) caused me to be an expert in cold vengeance.

I was rather out of control. There was one incident where I got physical (it was mostly just anger, lying, overindulge and manipulation) and someone (a friend) needed medical attention and the reaction of my parents (mostly my father) and the impact of this and all previous times I had been out of control (which I was maybe from pretty much day one) caused me to gradually become severely depressed for a few years.

It took me seven years to recover and I'm pretty sure it allowed me to let the BP emerge: first, my personality was no longer suppressed, then only hypomania and depression and a few years later the first long periods of mania, mixed state(s) and severe depression.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i can't really respond to this thread, since talking about my family are a huge trigger for me.

all i'll say is that my upbringing impacted me in a very bad way

my parents constantly made sure they know i was useless, knew i was unloved, and never gave me what i needed to survive childhood (7 and 8 years old without toys, it's disgusting)

the biggist impact it's had though, is probably associating talking about myself- and my feelings with abuse

it does not matter who it is.. but i'm constantly aware that if i say 1 word about how i'm feeling, i'll be abused some way (like my parents always used to do)

even if that person is in another country.. it's really awkward for me

No worries. I'm sorry it caused you pain and confusion.

It could very well be far worse for you than it is for me. But talking can be cathartic. I'm sure you know. It's very painful for me as well (probably more so for you), but we can only prove you wrong about abusing you in any way by talking (of course, it doesn't have to be us).

Only thinking about it will (probably) help you. I'm sure you do anyway. Just don't create some Pandora's box.

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

No worries. I'm sorry it caused you pain and confusion.

It could very well be far worse for you than it is for me. But talking can be cathartic. I'm sure you know. It's very painful for me as well (probably more so for you), but we can only prove you wrong about abusing you in any way by talking (of course, it doesn't have to be us).

Only thinking about it will (probably) help you. I'm sure you do anyway. Just don't create some Pandora's box.

thanks for the post.

(((((hugs)))

i suppose the main reason it's hard for me to talk about it, is that the whole of my early life depended on it- ask me a good memory from childhood, i can't think of 1, ask me a good memory from my current time, i can't think of one... it's like if it wasn't for them, i'd have such a better life- and a better childhood and better memories.
it's sad knowing that i have to live with that for the rest of my life

[Row Jimmy]

I grew up in a traditional Irish Catholic household - meals on the table, very little affection, pushed to excel, lots of activities, held accountable, no excuses, don't take any crap from anyone, family first.........that sort of thing. My mom was an undiagnosed BP and she could be very challenging at times. My dad was the breadwinner but he was also very involved in everything. My parents are products of the 40s and 50s and they had a certain outlook on life - work for the same company for 40 years and retire. Go into banking. Get a pension. They weren't open to new ideas about how to live your life so we were all steered in standard directions. Anything out of the norm - be a musician, a firefighter, a landscaper - was scoffed upon.

How has it affected me? Well, the environment was mostly stable - we had a nice house and my dad did very well in his career. We all played sports and we took a vacation every summer. But my mom could be unstable here and there and that made for interesting times. Since it was a more or less narrow minded environment, I have a lot of regrets. I should have joined the Marine Corps when I graduated from school but my dad would have flipped. "I didn't send you to college to join the Marines"! My mom would have gone on and on about how "embarrassed" she was that I couldn't find a job. Maybe my BP is centered around all the rage I have inside of me about the things I could have done. It's almost like my life, right now, is *still* all about what my parents want for me.

[Luciferscorpse]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

That's alright. Have you been diagnosed with another mental disorder?

I guess I have alexithmia... "which is the scientific name of cold-heartedness"
I haven't been diagnosed by a professional yet, I just got a high score on an online test.

I'm the youngest of 8. My father passed away when I was 4. My mom attempted suicide like 7 times. I was like 7 when that started happening. One of my sisters who was still at home became my mom for awhile. I was very scared as a child. During kindergarten my mom let me stay home all the time bc I was so scared to go. When I did go one of my other sisters would have to come and eat lunch with me or I wouldn't eat. My mom finally got into therapy when I was 11. Something really traumatic happened to me when I was 14 and my mom blamed me for it. I had a lot of trauma in my teen years. Domestic abuse, among other things. My teen years were really tough. And my mom practiced tough love so we didn't get along really at all during my teen years.

But in my 20s my mom and I grew very close. She was my rock. My mom passed away in 2007. I went into a long deep dark depression. I miss her very much. Now I'm a lot closer to my sisters. I would say her death really effected me. My childhood and teen years and some things that happened in my early 20s effected me for a long time. But with therapy I've been able to overcome it. But I always wondered what it's like having a dad...

But now it's my sisters and I basically. Took some adjusting but we get along pretty well now. Since I've been medicated it's even better, lol.

My early childhood and home life are complicated. On one hand, I had great parents who put in their best effort, loved us and took care of our needs. Dig a little deeper and their were clear patterns of abuse, both verbal and physical. I have an older brother who is 6 years older than I. He was abusive in various ways. I was always told how lucky I was to have my family, and I agree, but it wasn't perfect. I don't know the roll my childhood had in acquiring BP. I'm sure it played a role, but the illness feels very physical for me, and runs rampant on both sides of my family from people who were raised in different ways than I. I believe my genetic predisposition along with early life trauma combined to cause my BP

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

My twin sister and I are adopted. I had what I guess you could call a 'priveledged' upbringing. We belonged to the country club, I went to an expensive private school. I had a really happy childhood and was pretty spoiled, but my family was always very into appearances. Once I started into my teen years things got really hard. My parents divorced when I was 12 and it was really ugly. Lots of tug of war between my parents and my sister and I were always in the middle. Also my teen years meant I had to live up to expectations of what a young girl in the upper crust of society was supposed to be. I was never skinny enough, pretty enough and never fit in like I was supposed to...and I was told this all the time, especially by my father and grandmother. I was constantly berated because I didn't conform to social norms for my parents social circle...ie I dressed weird, I didn't do my makeup right, I wasn't interested in the thing that 'normal' girls my age were. I was ostracized at school for not looking like I jumped out of a J. Crew catalog. It was pretty nightmarish a lot of times.

I also spent a large quantity of time trying to have a superset identity from my sister. We were always referred to as a unit and if one of us was invited to something people always felt compelled to invite both of us. It's been a life long struggle to create my own identity from her, and still continues to be. I can't shake it and it makes my psychological problems worse and causes me much stress.

Although I didn't realize it at the time when I started having manic episodes my mania seriously impacted my relationships with my parents. I would lash out and isolate myself from them, often going months or years without talking to them.

My relationship with my dad has been especially tumultuous. I got pregnant with my son when I was 18. He didn't speak to me for 3 years because she was angry that I wouldn't get an abortion or go out of state to live with my grandmother to have the baby then put him up for adoption. Things I refused to do. He said I was tarnishing his reputation in society because I was s teen mom.mOur relationship has been a roller coaster. He's not speaking to me at the moment because he's angry I loved to Europe and married someone he didn't approve of (meaning he's not a doctor or lawyer and super rich). My sister is his spy and tells him everything that I do. She told him about my BP Dx and about my recent suicide attempt. My sister contends that he's super worried and scared for me, but he hasn't even attempted to contact me, which shows me he doesn't really give a s***.

My relationship with my mom now is great. She's super supportive (even thinking about moving to Sweden). She's become one of my best friends even though we've had issues in the past. ( which I now know were caused by my BP)

My sister...well...that relationship is a nightmare and I'd have to write a novel to explain what's going on there...but long story short it's so bad that my shrink wants me to cut off all contact.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by Luciferscorpse

I guess I have alexithmia... "which is the scientific name of cold-heartedness"
I haven't been diagnosed by a professional yet, I just got a high score on an online test.

Interesting. Cold-heartedness is really a too pejorative term for it, I'd say. But I understand what you're talking about. I have similar problems. It's been associated with schizophrenia and autism spectrum disorders. There are two distinct types. Very different types but they appear quite the same.

It's not really a diagnosis of a mental disorder, more like a trait. I personally think it's an underlying and essential feature of disorders which are like BP, SZ and ASD, but as I said it's very likely there are two (very) different problems which may appear very similar.

It could also very well be there's no genetic component at all, but just a childhood with abuse and anxiety, as you described.

Do you have any problems in functioning? Do you have any other problems? How is your memory? Are you impulsive and do you easily get angry? Do you ever feel bored? Does it cause anger and frustration, lethargy or hopelessness? If so, you might want to make sure you don't have a personality disorder. Do you ever experience hallucinations or delusions, extreme changes in beliefs, the importance of thing and perception?

Edit:
Knowing whether you might have a personality disorder (and which) might help you understand others problems in functioned, some of which you might not have realised you had.

[GoldenSnitch]

My family wasn't as stable as I once thought it was. My parents split up when I was 16. And the communication is really sub par. My dad is also bipolar but unmedicated and likes to think that he's cured. My mom has zero understanding of mental illness and is mad at me for my illness. So I have no family support right now.

I have 2 siblings - both younger brothers. I'm closer with the younger one but I haven't seen much of either one lately. Mainly because my mom is mad at me so I haven't been invited to any family events lately.

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[fishin fool]

We lived in a nice looking house but thats about it.
My Dad was a nice man outside the home and very social, many people liked him
but at home he was not involved with his children in any way what so ever other
than living under the same roof.
My Mom had some serious mental illness that was never diagnosed.
She could be nice one minute and flip like a switch, she would get violent
and would often give me beatings with my Dads belt or anything she would grab.
Aside from all the beatings she was not involved in anything I did outside the home.
It effected my whole life from having social anxiety to not having my MI issues
diagnosed and now having no relationship with my siblings at all.
This was a very quick overview but I could go on and on.

[Luciferscorpse]

I don't really have problems functioning nor do I get easily irritated. I have never had hallucinations nor experienced extreme changes in my beliefs in a split second. I have some minor problems with my memory though. I might forget what I was talking about if I got interrupted. I believe it's due to having irregular sleep rhythm and nothing more.
I do feel bored most of the time, but isn't this how most of us -teenagers- normally feel? It makes me feel helpless rather than angry though.

I'm planning on getting diagnosed by a professional in three months' time. I'll visit a therapist once I know what university I'm going to study in so I wouldn't have to change therapists later.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by Luciferscorpse

I don't really have problems functioning nor do I get easily irritated. I have never had hallucinations nor experienced extreme changes in my beliefs in a split second. I have some minor problems with my memory though. I might forget what I was talking about if I got interrupted. I believe it's due to having irregular sleep rhythm and nothing more.
I do feel bored most of the time, but isn't this how most of us -teenagers- normally feel? It makes me feel helpless rather than angry though.

I'm planning on getting diagnosed by a professional in three months' time. I'll visit a therapist once I know what university I'm going to study in so I wouldn't have to change therapists later.

I hope therapy will help you function (even) better or keep you functioning well.

Your beliefs changing very quickly—continuously—is not a necessary part of BP. But if your mood changes quickly and continuously and apparently not in reaction to anything, a BP mixed state, your beliefs might equally change rapidly, together with changes in mood. Even that may not be noticeable: mood changes may be more apparent and influential (that's what distinguishes it, among other things, quite essentially, from SZ).

But the strength of any beliefs is what distinguishes normal beliefs from delusional beliefs that we, those with BP (or SZ) might have.

Rapid changes in belief without changes in mood would be something you'd experience if you were to have schizophrenia, but it wouldn't be constantly changing beliefs, like in a BP mixed state.

As you're still young, it could of course be you go on to develop BP or SZ, but it's hard to tell and not necessarily very likely, given what you wrote.

It could be part of personality disorder. But there would probably be problems with functioning already. And it could be something else completely.

So if it's not BP or SZ, or a personality disorder, at least you know why.

I was severely abused as a child. My focus as a child was on survival. My parents are dead, one of which was suicide. I have PTSD as a result of the abuse and probably other mental illnesses of mine are a product of abuse. My brother has narcissistic traits, is a violent felon and is an addict. He also abused me as a child. I don't know where he is or even if he is alive. I'm a survivor.

[Wander]

My parents and sister are amazing. My parents did their best raising me and they are my main source of support right now. I am so thankful for this. However my much older cousin sexually abused me for years while I was growing up and this has caused great suffering to me, and a bad case of Complex PTSD. How my parents missed this is beyond me but I forgive them as I know their hearts.

Still, I live with the lingering effects of my childhood and the trauma I lived in for over a decade. Still, I try to recover and work hard to do so, yet still the indelible impact remains. Despite this my relationship with my parents is stronger than ever and I am deeply grateful for this. I see myself as lucky.

[pirilin]

My father was The Greatest. Mother did what she could. No comunication between them.
If they ever talked, it was mother who asked a question, or indicated dinner was served.
They got divorced. He was cheating. With a very young woman. Mother couldn't take it.
Things went downhill after that.