so I saw my therapist yesterday and I was pretty hyper from not sleeping well/much the past few days and drinking coffee and I was talking sort of fast and jumping from topic to topic and I could tell he thought "oh, she is hypo" and for some reason this was exciting to me and made me even more hyper so rather than try to keep a lid on it I just let myself get off on and indulge in the experience which felt a little like performing (except surprise! no stage-fright whatsoever) which excited me even more - kind of like a little kid getting excited by acting silly then getting attention for it. Now I'm kind of embarrassed by the whole thing and am dreading the push for lamictal that I know is coming tomorrow at my psychiatry app.

I guess I'm just curious: do you ever get off an 'acting out', get high off letting yourself lose control a little bit?

[Ndscisyv]

I don't think it's weird. I enjoy being able to let go. I'm really shy and lately have been dealing with a great deal of anxiety so it's nice to get a break from that. Unfortunately, for me I have found that when I start letting go a bit it's quite probably hypomania setting in. I never worry about it right away though, it has to go on for a bit but I do start paying attention more. Kinda takes the fun out of it a little.

I say enjoy it and hopefully they don't push too hard for new meds. That's never fun, trying to explain you're just having some fun.

[annielovesbacon]

I know exactly what you mean. For a long time my T had never seen me hypo, only depressed depressed depressed. But then one day I had an appointment when I was hypo and I was glad my T could see me that way, so I did let loose and not hold back in therapy like I usually do. I guess I felt like I had to "prove" I was really BP and not just depressed, although it was my T who agrees I'm BP and my pdoc who insisted I was just depressed.

[Blaire]

I kind of did that during a therapy session during my recent hypomania. I have only recently been more forthcoming with him about my bipolar symptoms, whereas in the past I tried to hide it because I wasn't comfortable talking about it with him. This time I was all jacked up and figured F it! He knows the situation, and I'm supposed to be honest with him, so I'll just act how I feel! It got a little ridiculous when I actually had to stop to catch my breath a few times, and he definitely seemed a little surprised, but it was great to just be myself, the me I was at that time. Today at my appointment with him I almost fell asleep, so there you go.