[Blaire]

Hey guys, just dropping in to say hi. Really struggling today, depression is getting worse. I'm really tired, slow, and I'm starting to hate myself. The nasty, critical thoughts are starting to boom through my head again. And the quiet ones that gently and convincingly explain that no one likes me, I'm a fraud and a failure, that it's very sad how I turned out. And there's the guilt and shame. I think everyone must feel very bad for my husband. I saw my therapist today, and he told me I seem like a completely different person compared to a month ago. Yep, pretty much. Anyway, I'm okay, it just sucks. I'm going to try to be on here more and not just retreat from all social interaction like I tend to do. Consciously trying to get better over here. Trying. Thanks for being here, you guys are awesome.

[bizi]

Hi Blaire
am sorry you aren't doing well right now. Will you get to see your therapist more often?
How is your support system in real life?
bizi

[Wander]

Depression is an awful monster but it will pass. Hang in there. Are you seeing your pdoc soon? Maybe a med adjustment will help. Keep posting on the forums. We are here for you. Hope you feel better soon.

[Blaire]

I'll be able to see my therapist in a month, and I have a phone "check in" with him in two weeks. I'll also talk to my psychiatrist by phone in a couple weeks, or I can call her sooner if things get really bad. Not every day has been bad, but I've had steadily more and more bad days. Today is the worst it's been.

My support system is okay. My husband is supportive but doesn't do much to help me out around the house and stuff. He basically just tells me to do less, but he doesn't actually pick up the slack most of the time, which sucks but at least he doesn't pressure me to do stuff I can't manage. I have a really hard time reaching out to friends when I'm like this because I assume they don't like me, and that's a really hard belief for me to overcome.

A med adjustment might help, I just hate increasing the Lamictal up and up and up to infinity, which seems to be my pdoc's strategy. I just increased my Seroquel by a lot a few weeks ago, so another med change stresses me out. But if it doesn't get better, I'll have to do it I guess.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I can relate to the negative talk...and thinking that everyone feels sorry for your husband. try your best not to feed into these thoughts right now. Fight against them. I know it's hard, but you really deserve to not feel this way. (((Hugs)))

[bizi]

Ask your hubby for help.
Ask him to take over the laundry.
call you friends, they want to support you.
You can confide in them. If they are your real friends they won't judge you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Blaire]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the support. It's great to talk to people who get it.