[Victoria'smom]

Saw t she called the med line for me. She's very pro meds which I hate. I see her 2 more times then off to new t. I'm officially depressed but didn't tell her on the account she's already talking about involuntary because of med compliance. I told her I was irritable. I went to donate plasma after 3 hrs into the process I was told I was inelgeble because of so many BP meds making me 2 hrs late picking up my son. We need money and have no one to borrow from. I hate life.

Personally, I am pro-medication. Mental stability is important to me. But that is your choice. I can't imagine though having to buy them - especially when it means sacrificing other neccessary things.

Money is such a big stressor for me too. I had some help though. The Mental Health Association has helped me with groceries, I have on occasion visited the food bank, and my support group has a small fund to buy some basic groceries too.

How are you doing today?

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad and dealing with money troubles. We had a big unexpected pet emergency and had to spend all our savings and even some grocery money.... so we are keeping all fingers crossed that we somehow can get through the month without any other emergencies. Money troubles just suck and can really bring you down. I'm so, so sorry. I also understand the fear of going IP. I HATE IT. But sometimes it's the best place for us unfortunately are you currently safe?

[OctobersBlackRose]

I'm sorry you're going through this, sending you hugs.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm still agitated, on edge and want to be wished out of existence. I want to get into a fight with a razor and lose, repetitively. However I'm safe because it's all pointless anyway. I don't want to be "here" but it'll cause to much of a mess for me not to. It's going way to far out of my way if I do harm myself. Plus I'm the only one that brings in money. I'd start my AD but I'm afraid of a mixed episode. I finally told my husband last night I was in a bad mood but I didn't elaborate. He wanted me to but even talking is annoying. It's like to much is going on in my head to add outside noise to it. I'm coming to the conclusion while writing this that I'm probably already in a low level mixed episode. I may take my benzo and see if that helps. I don't have a pdoc until mid-September. I am going to try the AD. If this lands me in the hospital oh well. It's quiet there at least and I'll see a pdoc.