Do you ever feel proud of yourself for just staying alive?

Sometimes most definitely

When I was as young as 10 or so, the inner pain was so excruciating (PTSD and before other diagnoses), I would look around for ways to stop the pain -- was trying to find a solid way out. I've never tried, yet have made plans many times in the past.

There was never an outward sign of inner pain when I was younger. People would have been shocked. I was very popular, was student council president every year, was a standout athlete, led youth groups, etc., etc. Inside, I'd wanted to just pain relief from deep emotional pain/trauma.

Like my friends here, I have lived life trying to find a way to overcome and to, hopefully, thrive. The idea of "checking out" has so often been in the back of my mind.

As I have aged, it's become more complicated with medical conditions which so often cause severe intractable neuropathic pain. Many more challenges to remaining here. Yet, also, many more resources to cope than when I was younger.

I still take it a day at a time, an hour at a time sometimes. Yes, I am sometimes surprised I've made it another week.

Much Love and Compassion to ALL,
WC