Do's and Don't's. Fujrther down in this post is a list of things NOT to say to someone who is clinically depressed. It's from a depression website I found. Is there a list of things that are good to say? I always like to have lists of remedies, positives, TO DO's, not just "Don't do this!" Does anyone have things that help them recover from depression episodes?

My contribution to To Do list: Here are some comments/activities that would help me if I'm real depressed.

"I'm coming right over for a visit! I'll be there in 10 minutes or so."
"I'm coming over to play cards. Or I can pick you up and we can play cards at my place."
"Let's go out for coffee -- do you need a ride?"
"I'll bring over a video DVD -- do you have a movie you'd like me to pick up?"
"Let's go to the video store and find a good movie. I'll pick you up in about 10 minutes."
[weather permitting] "Get your drawing pad out - we're going to the park to draw and do some nature walking. I'll pick you up in about 10 minutes."
"Let's make some greeting cards together." [knowing we both have materials; can also find images to print out on google images.]

From a depression website: Things You Do Not Say to the Clinically Depressed:

• It’s all in your head
• Cheer up, it can’t be that bad
• You just need to try to be happy
• You would be fine if you had more faith
• Watch the Passion of the Christ, that should fix you
• Quit feeling sorry for yourself
• You just need to stay busy
• Stop letting yourself get upset
• It could be worse
• You just need to be stronger.
• You do not need all those pills
• Just get over it already
• Quit bothering x person with your problems
• If it makes you feel better, ______ has it way worse because….
• There are people starving and dying of disease in Africa, what right do you have to be depressed?
• Think about all the things you’re grateful for
• What’s wroonnnnnnngggg”? with a real contrived, whining tone
• Can’t you just be happy?
• You’re doing this for attention.
• Are you still taking your meds?
• When is your next pdoc appt?
• Oh you are depressed? Why are you depressed?
• Are you still on those happy pills?
• Go out, have some fun!
• You have no reason to be depressed. You have so much going for you
• If you get depressed at things like this, how are you going to cope when real problems come along?
• Do it! Do it! Go ahead, kill yourself!
• What do you have to be so depressed about?
• Cheer up mate.
• Maybe you should pray a little harder
• You should just end it all to put us out of our misery!
• For god’s sake, there was no such thing as depression/stress in my day….
• Come out with us, we’ll get really drunk that’ll cheer you up!
• Have you figured out why you’re depressed yet?
• Your face looks like a slapped arse. A smile costs nothing!
• Just take a week off work with some prostitutes and coke
• So I hear you’re on drugs. What’s with that?
• That’s disappointing to hear
• Come on – Snap out of it!
• I was talking to my work supervisor about your depression…
• You just have to make yourself happy! Go shopping, relax a little, eat something…that’s what I do!
• Hey, I heard you’ve been signed off work with stress! What’s going on?!
• Seeing your therapist is just like renting a friend
• Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill!!!
• Pull yourself together!
• Come and <whatever>. You’ll enjoy it once you start!
• I’m not leaving until you have cheered up
• You look AWFUL!
• I grew up the same way you did. If I don’t need medication, then neither do you
• Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?
• We’re praying for your deliverance
• We all have things in our lives we’re not happy about
• Depression is a “character flaw”
• Do you have unconfessed sin in your life?
• Depression is caused by disobedience
• Aren’t you better yet?
• You are “spiritually weak”
• Stop being so mad at the people who are trying to help you
• I wish you would stop feeling like the world owes you something

[OctobersBlackRose]

Thank you for posting this, I've had people say a lot of the things on the."don't" list many times. If only they truely understood...

[Unrigged64072835]

Thank you for sharing this.

[vjdragonfly]

I definitely agree, those are some of the worst things to say to someone who is depressed. I know what I come out to my family about having BP everyone wanted to pray over me. That's great and all, but that is like praying for someone who has diabetes. It is a lifelong illness and understanding with support is a much better approach. I also wish people would know there is nothing they can do to fix our moods, we just have to ride through it.

[Wonderfalls]

Basically there is nothing you can say to someone in a depression that will help. The things you suggest are all doing something--and that's great if he's up for it. Which I never am. But the hugely frustrating thing for people who live with someone depressed is that there's not much that can be done. And then of course when you're depressed you know that you're exhausting the people who care for you and you can't do anything about it and that makes everything worse.

Sorry. That's really down. Are there things you can say to people you're with all the time that will make them feel better?

[notthisagain]

Sometimes the best thing that people can say is NOTHING. And just listen. Few people though seem to have the discipline to really sit there quiet and really be there for someone. They just have to break the silence and say something, and it is usually some variation of something on the "don't" list. I get really tired of hearing that there is always someone worse off. It's not a contest. And some version of "cheer up" or "snap out of it". And the criticism of having to take meds and therapy, like that's how I really want to spend hundreds of dollars a month. I have been dealing with this illness in varying degrees for decades now. I am not going to just "snap out of it".

[Row Jimmy]

A big part of the issue is that many people think they're experts on everything - the weather, football, how to raise kids, politics, how to live, etc. A second problem is that people are often too busy to be thoughtful or perceptive......it's easier to pass on a snarky comment than it is to say "what's bothering you" or "tell me how I can help". I've had more than one person tell me to "relax and drink a beer".

[whoamihere]

Great list! I can't even count the times that I have been told something from the Don't list. It gets old. I especially dislike the concern trolling about my meds; what I'm taking, why I'm taking it, why not go all natural, don't you know vitamin B and fish oil is all you need to cure depression...

[99fairies]

My mom asks me what she can do. I appreciate that response.

[xRavenx]

Yes to all of this! Thanks for posting this. There's so many of these I have heard from others, and they just made me feel worse--even during times when people thought they were being genuinely helpful. When I was 15, I had a School Psychologist say, "Don't make a mountain out of a molehill." I remember her laughing after she said it, and I just thought my concerns were being dismissed while I was at one of my lowest points. It was while I was paranoid....it stood out to me as being the last thing I really felt like hearing at the moment, because I wanted to be understood more than anything. I was not on any meds yet. I'm so glad I can put those days behind me.