[possiblybipolar]

Hi I wanted some input from people that are alcoholic but also suffer from bipolar disorder. I am in the process of meeting with a psychiatrist to determine whether or not I am bipolar. I went to a duel diagnosis treatment center in March of this year and the psychiatric nurse practitioner suggested that I might be in the bipolar spectrum and put me on mood stabilizers. When I got out of treatment I thought that maybe she was wrong, being in rehab was very stressful and I was getting bad side effects from the medication so I stopped taking it. They told me to take a month off of work, I took about 3 weeks off, got a new job(I quit both of my jobs before entering treatment after a breakdown), bought a new car and was feeling great. Work was going extremely well, I was handling everything, I was getting a ton of things accomplished, I was working from home on weekends, I kind of felt like I was on top of the world, my alcoholism was behind me and now I have this great life. I took one online course and completed it and then started another one (which I didn't complete "not enough hours in the day") I was getting extremely irritated with my boyfriends situation and wanted to get rid of him because he couldn't keep up with me and I felt like he was lazy. I started looking into other contract work that I could do and was negotiating to extend my work contract. Then it came to the point where things started to go south. I had to do some public speaking for work. I have terrible anxiety and was in full blown panic mode. I didn't know what to do, the antidepressant I was taking does nothing for anxiety and the anxiety medication I was prescribed (Buspar) was not working to hold back the panic attacks. I was up all night thinking of how I was going to pull this off, then I read online that one drink will calm down the nerves to make it through a presentation. Finally I decided if worst comes to worse I can have 1 of those tiny bottles of wine to at least make it through the presentation. I went to the store and bought a 4 pack of those little bottles of wine and hid one in my bag "just in case". The presentation came and I started to panic I finally ran to the bathroom, I really did not want to drink but couldn't stop my the panic so I drank the little bottle of wine. My nerves settled and I was able to make it through the presentation no problem. I drank I ton of water to flush it out, went home, went to bed and everything was fine. The following day I had two presentations, so I drank to bottle of wine and basically that set my alcoholism off. I started drinking when I could get away with it, then I started to become paranoid that someone from work was trying to get me fired. That weekend started out ok, I had a couple of beers but then I literally went off the rails, I was running around to stores buying stuff, rented a hotel room with a friend, had a wild sexcapade, the next day I went home, hung out with my neighbor I barely spoken with before and was kissing him. I tried to get one of my friends to go to this lavish spa that I was going to pay for. Then the depression hit, I was so panicked that I went to the hospital twice to try and get myself committed and they wouldn't take me because I had alcohol in my system even though I was suicidal. So I went home decided to book a trip to go out of the country to "escape my problems", figured out that probably wasn't a good idea so instead I drank some more alcohol and took a ton of pills and ended up in the hospital for an overdose and then in the psych ward. Now that I am out I am struggling with some depression and hopelessness. Although I was motivated to go right back to work right after I got out of the hospital! I decided to take another week off. Which I have spent dragging myself to various meetings and avoiding my neighbor and my friend. I'm having a lot of problems trying to determine if I was in a hypomanic state leading up to my relapse on alcohol. The alcohol obviously sent me into a tail spin. Has anyone else had a similar situation? This is not the first time something like this has happened to me, it seems to happen every 3-5 months. The really out of control parts happen once I drink.

Any information or related experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

I wasn't diagnosed bipolar until years after I stopped drinking, but that whole story sounds like me in a nutshell, ten years ago. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you looked into Women for Sobriety? I found that online forum to be helpful with quitting drinking. AA was too shame based for me.
And yes, it does sound like you were hypomanic.

[Moogieotter]

Hi Welcome!

I have bipolar and alcohlism. I'm very lucky to have found stability in the last few years. Your story sounds familiar. Add in a trip to jail and a few forced hospitalizations oh and a failed marriage, and you have my story.

Glad you are here and getting answers.

moogs

[Row Jimmy]

I'm not sure I was an alcoholic, but I blame my drinking on being BP2. I can easily correlate my partying with mania. Oddly enough, I didn't drink when I was depressed. Alcohol and drugs, for me, were things that enhanced the mania. Now that I have a diagnosis, I was able to get a handle on my substance abuse. If not for BP, I probably wouldn't have been a drinker.

[BipolaRNurse]

Alcoholism runs through my family like a river. I haven't taken a drink in nearly 25 years. I wasn't diagnosed bipolar until about 20 years after I got sober, but looking back I can see where it affected my drinking patterns, and vice versa. Each makes the other worse, IMO.

[sadpolar7]

Not alcohol but pot for me. I smoked pot every night I was depressed for years to numb the pain. It wasn't until a few months ago when I stopped smoking it when depressed that I realized I had been medicating all those years. The depression suddenly came back just like it did when I was in high school before I started smoking. Suddenly I realized I am still exactly the same. With some research and help from a friend I self diagnosed then confirmed it with a psychologist. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who did this kind of thing.

[possiblybipolar]

Originally Posted by jupiter3

I wasn't diagnosed bipolar until years after I stopped drinking, but that whole story sounds like me in a nutshell, ten years ago. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you looked into Women for Sobriety? I found that online forum to be helpful with quitting drinking. AA was too shame based for me.
And yes, it does sound like you were hypomanic.

No I haven't heard of it. I have been on the reddit stop drinking forum which is quite helpful and I have been going to various SMART and secular/agnostic AA meetings. I will definitely check it out.

[possiblybipolar]

Thanks for all of the great feedback