Need huge hugs, please

Wow, I'm tearing up while I type this...trying not to cry. I opened that DBT Workbook for Bipolar Disorder. It looks very good, but it apparently is very triggering for me. I literally was physically ill and now all this emotional rush.

I put it away for now. I'll be needing to do this workbook in small chunks or maybe with a therapist.

It reminded me and made me realize how messed up I am. I guess I'm faking it a lot more than I admit to. I'm not trying to be "fake"...I'm a genuine person as to others. As to myself? Not so much. I just realized that.

I could use a big hug right now. I don't even know how to describe what I feel. I feel like I'm disintegrating, I think. Whoa.