[Tucson]

I have been taking care of my mother who is in the later stages of dementia. My daughter has been helping me with this. Recently she fell and hit her head on the wall. I took her to the ER room where a CT scan showed no evidence of physical trauma, but she displayed the all of the symptoms of a concussion. Her symptoms of dementia worsened very much so. She babbles incoherently like she is delidious. She hallucinates now. This is too much for me. I am her sole caretaker with some help from my daughter. I feed her, wash her, change her diapers, take her to the doctor, manage her money, and sometimes I manage to drive her around in order to get her out of the house. It is very difficult to get away to do errands.

I have many worries. I have to take care of my mother with the frightening prospect of her not knowing who I am. My daughters a teenager with that type of craziness. I basically raise her alone. I am worried about money, where if anything of significance were to happen, I will lose my home. I have spent it all. I have a significant amount of debt. I am concerned about my daughter and her schooling, for she has not been getting good grades. Once my mother passes, I will need to get a job. Can I hold down a job? What kind of job can I find at an age already near retirement? Will I ever be able to retire? Will I have a roof over my head in my seventies? I am kind of scared right now. I feel alone.

What is in store for me? Bankruptcy? Breakdown? Time in the hospital? Lose my home? Lose my mother to the State? I cannot afford either one of these to happen.

I wish to all of you the best fortune, that of being well.

Tucson

PS I am tired of seeing my mother naked. Argh! It is too much for a son to see. LOL

God bless you for all you do.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Lmao at your PS lol. But I've read a few of your posts before about your struggles and all I can do is wish you the best of luck. I couldn't imagine being in your position. Can you get social security or any state assistance?

((Hugs))

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[Tucson]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Lmao at your PS lol. But I've read a few of your posts before about your struggles and all I can do is wish you the best of luck. I couldn't imagine being in your position. Can you get social security or any state assistance?

((Hugs))

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I am on disability. This pays some of the utilities and the monthly payments to my debts. The rest of the utilities are paid by my mother's SS income. I recently have found termites. There is another several thousand dollar expenditure. I have been selling some of my belongings to pay for this.

Recently my meds needed to be adjusted. They are working better, but I still have short spells of significant depression. I would like to go to a meeting for caretakers that I hear meets monthly. I also would like to go to some sort of weekly group therapy. But all of this will have to wait.

As an aside, my daughter does not understand why I go days between showers. There have been a few times that I smelled. This is very embarrasing and dishartening. I want to look and do better for my daughter.

Tucson

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. I do hope that things look up for you. I know how it is with home expenditures and being on disability.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you get on the list of public housing and section 8? It takes years to get to the top and you can just move back to the bottom if you're not ready to use it but get on the list. At least you'll have a back up. Why is she getting bad grades? Could the school help with doing a study hall after school with one of her main teachers? I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

[gayleggg]

I am sorry for your struggles. I understand your doubts about the future. I, too, am struggling financially.

You are such a great son to take care of your mom.

I wish you better days.

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[Tucson]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can you get on the list of public housing and section 8? It takes years to get to the top and you can just move back to the bottom if you're not ready to use it but get on the list. At least you'll have a back up. Why is she getting bad grades? Could the school help with doing a study hall after school with one of her main teachers? I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

I will look into Section 8 housing. I had placed my daughter into a college prep high school before she was ready. I tried to help her, but she found me a terrible teacher. She is easily frustrated. Then she insisted that she would do it on her own. This did not work. So I have placed her into another school that should be easier for her, and some of her freinds go there too.

Tucson

PS Sorry for all the whining.

[Victoria'smom]

PS: your not whining

[hopeless2015]

Prayers and big hugs, you have a lot on your plate right now

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[Tucson]

I decided to treat my daughter and I to a carryout of Chinese food from Panda Express. I need to structure my days, a liitle bit at a time.

Tucson

[Victoria'smom]

Enjoy your dinner.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Wishing you the best! Hugs

[Tucson]

Ty I feel a bit better now.

I think that I was rash firing the help that came for a couple hours every day. She was taking off early with various excuses. When pressed, she told me that if she thinks that she does not have anything left to do, she can leave. So I fired her. Being there for my mother is "nothing to do"? I need someone I can rely on to be there until the end of their shift. At the very least it gives me a needed break until a set time. Now I made my situation worse.

How thoughtless on my part. I am now telling myself that it will somehow work out for me. By the way, my mother wants to drive me somewhere in the car. LOL

Tucson

Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine... LOL

[gina_re]

I personally haven't had to deal with this, but I saw my grandmother get more and more dependent on my aunt and mom. Caretaking really is stressful and to have so much more than that on your plate really has to be beyond stressful. I feel your pain. Please take care of yourself as well. You sound like the rock of your family. I wish you well.

ps- after watching my mom and aunt having to take grandmother to the bathroom, I forewarned my mom that I will do everything I can for her as she gets older, but I will not wipe her!

[Tucson]

No, definitely no wiping of my mother. That is where I draw the line. I have decided to become a paid caregiver for my mother through an agency that bills the insurance. This will all be on the level. The insurance company suggested it. So I am taking a CPR and First Aid class on Thursday. My daughter will watch my mother. Hey, I may as well be making something to pay the bills during this time.

I have decided to give myself until the end of the year to get my mothers and my own affairs in order. I want to be prepared to place her into an assisted living facility by then. I suspect she will go downhill rapidly from now on. I will continue to work on getting part time asisstance from a caregiver. Maybe I will get lucky.

As for myself, I have to get to group therapy of some kind. I also cannot miss any pdoc appointments. We shall see how things go from here on.

Tucson

[bizi]

This is excellent!
bizi

[raspberrytorte]

It's good of you to take care of your mom, tucson. I'm wishing you all the best. Hugs.

[Tucson]

Thankyou all for your help and support!

Tucson

[Victoria'smom]

Sounds like a good plan.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by gina_re

[snip]

ps- after watching my mom and aunt having to take grandmother to the bathroom, I forewarned my mom that I will do everything I can for her as she gets older, but I will not wipe her!

I discovered that my daughter came in handy for this. Thankfully she is helping me out!

Tucson

PS I have finished a course in CPR/AED and First Aid today. Now employment application, fingerprints, and investigation are next. Then I get paid!

I'm thinking of you. I took care of my mom when she was terminally ill with dementia. It was SO hard.

You mentioned getting your mom into an assisted living care place in the future. Just a head's up...you need one with a Memory Care Unit.

PM me if you need to vent or whatever. I'm a disabled attorney so I can likely throw in some general, unofficial legal advice if you need it. I've wrapped up both of my parents estates. Sucks. Hang in there. Take care of you, ok?

[Tucson]

Here is an update. Changing my mothers diapers is not as terrible as I thought it would be, as long as I do not think about it. I am seeing someone tomorrow from a caregiving agency. They are willing to pay me $10 per hour. So this may work out for me. I am hoping for the best.

Tucson

[Victoria'smom]

Good luck