[Anxiousvalkyrie]

So for the last while all my husband I seem to do is fight. Our fights always seem to last a while and we go around and around in circles. I always feel like he doesn't understand me or what I'm trying to say and I feel like have to keep repeating myself. It's driving me crazy, and when we fight I always end up feeling like a bad person and like I'm certifiably insane. My inability to see things as anything but in terms of black and white drives my husband nuts. He knows this about me and then gets mad when I can't see things in the grey zone like he does.

For example to day we just had a huge fight about something so stupid. He's supposed to build a desk for my son and he needs to go to the hardware store to figure out what he needs to do it. I asked him when he thought he'd go and he said he didn't know. I hate not having time frames for things, I have to have time frames for things or it drives me crazy. He knows this. So I asked him again and said the only reason I was pushing is because if I don't push him to do things they will take forever or never get done. (I have a box of stuff sitting in my living room that I've been asking him to take to the attic for six months) and then this huge fight erupted because I 'had to have a time frame.'

I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable. I can never tell anymore.after fights he's always super pissy and I'm left feeling crazy and like I'm a bad person.

I know we need help communicating and I've talked to my psychologist about this but I just don't know how to handle things anymore.

[jpb4815]

I can relate, on both sides of the coin actually. I am somebody who needs things defined clearly. I am also somebody that is fairly scatterbrained and I know that it can drive my wife nuts, that box in the living room could be mine. It is not that I don't want to put it away, I just cycle through thoughts so fast that I forget. I have been working with my therapist on checking in with my thoughts each time I walk into a room. That way I can trigger if I need to do something. It has really been helping me. I have always wondered if I have ADD.

[TishaBuv]

What you described has nothing to do with you being bipolar or having faulty thinking. I have the same issues with husband myself, not putting things away, not doing things he said he's do that are important.

You can either ignore it and let him annoy and disappoint by never getting to the task, do it yourself, or treat him like a child. You could say something like "I'll make you something you like for dinner if you put the box away and build the desk" or you could direct him by saying "Come here, please pick up this box and put it away now." It's all about negotiating and your relationship dynamic.

Sometimes I feel like he's just being passive/aggressive with these things because he knows I want him to do it, so he won't.

It's not you. It's him.